Little things that irritate me

There are many idiosyncrasies that we have as humans.   When taking two steps back, they seldom amount to much. But each of us can identify a few that make the hair on the back of our neck stand on end.  Without a doubt this is a two way street.  Probably, at the top of my list is asking someone a simple information seeking Yes or No question and getting “The Speech” back with the words Yes or No nowhere in the answer.

ABSOLUTELY! and THAT IS A GOOD QUESTION!
No kidding. The most overused word and question I've ever heard. And it drives me crazy when I hear them. But then it makes me laugh at myself.

When someone wants to buy a part from me and rather than tell what they want they show me a picture on their phone. No pretext on what it fits or does. I have one of those vintage eight balls you shake and turn it over for an answer I pull out on occasion.

OP wrote:getting “The Speech”

Some people communicate heavily because that's how they emotionally build connections to others, but everyone wants to live.  And questions are there to help us live, and live well.  In my opinion, providing a simple straight Yes/No answer with only necessary details is akin to someone saying:

"Your question, your time, and your life is important to me."

It reminds me of a good communication philosophy in the aviation community: Aviate, Navigate, and then Communicate.  Also:

"Be directive, then be descriptive."

It's about keeping the most important thing in sharp focus, prioritizing it well, and then succinctly communicating to others, if required.  

For example, a mid-air collision with something as simple as a flock of birds could end catastrophically if it hits an aircraft.  So rather than a wingman droning on horribly like:

"Hey buddy, I know we are trying to go east right now, but if you look over there to our right, I see what looks like a flock of...I don't know, 7 or 9 ducks maybe(???) flying north-north-west towards our formation.  They might hit us in like, two seconds.  So I recommend we turn a bit off course to our left ASAP so we don't collide with them...but whatever you want, since you're leading the formation.  By the way I had some lovely fried duck at this restaurant down town the other day."

...the wingman should instead say

Break left.  Birds.  Two o'clock.

And save the rest of the fluff for the debrief!

Hi George,

I am going to go two different directions with this.  As a retired CEO it used to drive me nuts to have two managers in my office bring me up to date on the crises of the moment, someone on the phone threatening to sue me,  a letter in my hand telling me about a change in regulations ....and then another employee walks in with “a problem that can’t wait” . Yet, somehow, that employee can’t get around to telling me what the problem is, and they sidestep all my yes or no clarifying questions.

As a counselor, I have found that some people not only communicate vaguely, but they think vaguely.   I suspect at some point in their lives, they were punished, directly or indirectly, for having an opinion.

Hi Robert,

I can’t count the number of times I have asked a simple question only to have a phone shoved in my hand.

Hi Debbie,

Absolutely!!!

One little phrase that annoys me, and it's been used a lot on these forums so I'll likely piss off a few people, is..."like-minded people." My issue with this is that I don't know your mind so how do I know what it means? Hell, I rarely know my own mind let alone a complete stranger in a forum.

And let's say that we agree on one thing, but not on 999 others, so I'm only partially like-minded. Does that count? And how many things do we need to agree on to be considered "like-minded?" It gets messy in my head all out of proportion, then I laugh at myself for being annoyed by something in my head. As usual.

Again, I think it comes down to effective communication. What's important? What isn't? Just say it! If I disagree then that too is ok.

For me I'd say passive aggressive snark is really annoying. Not the kind of thing where friends gently 'rib' each other with a remark here or there, but when people who don't feel good about themselves try, for no reason, to get under the skin of other people. It's because they aren't comfy in theirs IMO.

And then there are people who are rude to service professionals. Deliberately leaving a bigger mess than they should, making repeat demands that go beyond what that person working there should be doing. And the passive aggressive thing plays into this too. For example, I was staying at a hotel recently because a family member was in the hospital nearby. They have food for the guests in the evenings and the man who preps the food was telling one of the guests what two soups they have. And for no reason this guy said, with an air of snark, 'Oh, ya been slaving over those all day, eh?' with a smirk. And the man said, 'um, no', clearly realizing he was semi being made fun of for the soup being from a mix, and just walked away to do his other duties. No reason for that, just trying to make the guy feel 'less than'. Stoopid stuff like that irks me.

Seed packs that say on one part of the pack "surface sow, press in lightly, keep evenly moist for 14 days"  and on the other part say "plant 1/4 inch deep."
Ok, how deep do I plant it, and how on earth do you keep the surface evenly moist for 14 days?

Maybe I'll get carrots, maybe I won't.  

Hi Robin,

Hopefully we can all see a little bit of ourselves in these posts and get a chuckle  rather than take it as a personal attack.   It is all part of recognizing we are human.

Hi Emily,

Yes, I find the passive aggressive snark to be especially irritating.  I accept one or two as accident or me being too sensitive.   At some point, I quietly stop associating with the person.

Hi Pearl,

I am in the middle of that now. I am putting putting in a secondary solar array.  The printed instructions, the person who sold it (and their web site),  and the manufacturers contact person all gave me different instructions.   Frankly, I suspect they are all wrong.  

It's about keeping the most important thing in sharp focus, prioritizing it well, and then succinctly communicating to others

A real-world example of this concept's failure is an entry on the blog of climate scientist Michael Tobis. A discussion of "the dangers of dense scientific language" includes an internal email from an engineering team at Morton Thiokol, written some months before... you know.

Thinking You've Communicated

This letter is written to insure that management is fully aware of the seriousness of the current O-ring erosion problem in the SRM joints from an engineering standpoint.

The mistakenly accepted position on the joint problem was to fly without fear of failure and to run a series of design evaluations which would ultimately lead to a solution or at least a significant reduction of the erosion problem. This position is now drastically changed as a result of the SRM 16A nozzle joint erosion which eroded a secondary O-ring with the primary O-ring never sealing.

If the same scenario should occur in a field joint (and it could), then it is a jump ball as to the success or failure of the joint because the secondary O-ring cannot respond to the clevis opening rate and may not be capable of pressurization. The result would be a catastrophe of the highest order – loss of human life.

An unofficial team (a memo defining the team and its purpose was never published) with leader was formed on 19 July 1985 and was tasked with solving the problem for both the short and long term. This unofficial team is essentially nonexistent at this time. In my opinion, the team must be officially given the responsibility and the authority to execute the work that needs to be done on a non-interference basis (full time assignment until completed.)

It is my honest and very real fear that if we do not take immediate action to dedicate a team to solve the problem with the field joint having the number one priority, then we stand in jeopardy of losing a flight along with all the launch pad facilities.

(And then the Challenger exploded)

I feel the people that John mentioned in the original post who can't answer a simple yes or no question are either lonely people who just want to talk to someone or have no idea which is the answer and doesn't want to sound dumb.

The "like-minded people" that Robin mentioned are posting in either the international community forum or the singles forum. This is because they are looking specifically for a certain type of a person, someone who enjoys the same things.

Both of those are things that draw me to this forum.

Joe, a fictional person asks, "Can I grow peas?" the answer is a simple Yes, though Joe will get 15 replies as to why he can gro peas.

Sally, another fictional character wants to find a love interest, someone who likes to read, takes long walks, etc. Thus she asks if there are some like-minded people, those who like to read and take long walks as she does.

The only thing that I can think of that bothers me would be a very long post that has 10 sentences that have been underlined.

To each, his own.

Anne Miller wrote:The "like-minded people" that Robin mentioned are posting in either the international community forum or the singles forum. This is because they are looking specifically for a certain type of a person, someone who enjoys the same things.

Anne, I understand that they are in those forums for a specific reason. Not the point. They are looking for the same things yet rarely state clearly what those are. And if they do state it, then there is no need to say like-minded since that is implied. It's the sloppiness of it all that's irritating.

And the whole idea of this thread (I believe) was to state what irritates us. It doesn't necessarily have to be perfect or makes sense since it's all perception anyway.

Most annoying expression: "I'm Just Sayin", mostly because it's often used as the verbal equivalent of a cutesy eye-roll and eyelash-flutter.

Robin said, "It doesn't necessarily have to be perfect or makes sense since it's all perception anyway.

Exactly the point.

I think the problem with "like-minded" is that it feels like stating the obvious. It's unlikely that someone will say "I'm seeking people who are vehemently and loudly opposed to everything I believe in".

I'm often guilty of using more words than necessary. Give me time to think before I speak, and I'll eliminate some of them. If I take time to type it or write it, I'll eliminate even more.

The reverse of this also happens. It irritates me horribly when someone accuses me of over-wordiness because they think they asked a yes or no question. If the question is unclear, or it doesn't have a yes or no answer, there's going to be more discussion. If their only desire is for a yes or a no, regardless that it means nothing, they need to flip a coin.

Classic example:

Have you stopped beating your wife yet?

Yes and no are both misleading, the question is flawed. More discussion (clarification) is going to occur, or I'm not answering that.

Dc Stewart wrote:Most annoying expression: "I'm Just Sayin", mostly because it's often used as the verbal equivalent of a cutesy eye-roll and eyelash-flutter.

Annoys me also. It's often more passive-aggressive, meaning "obviously I'm smart and right, and obviously everyone else is stupid and wrong."

I am dealing with a set of assembly instructions that is largely in black and white photos. Unfortunately there are no arrows/circles o the photos to tell me what I am supposed to be looking at.

Lots of little things irritate me. I'm kind of OCD and I know it, but when others tell me that it's not a big deal to them then why is it a big deal to do it my way. To my mind, it can't be both ways. Either it is a big deal so it's unreasonable for me to expect them to change or it's not so let's just do it my way. Make it make sense.

#1. "Talking over", before I finish asking someone a question,  a sentence, or in conversation.  
#2. "sick people" ; strangers or not, spewing long list of illnesses that have no ends. I'm astonished at times those people are still alive !?  

Pictures that refuse to hang straight on the wall, no matter how many times I adjust the hangers...

John F Dean wrote:I am in the middle of that now. I am putting putting in a secondary solar array.  The printed instructions, the person who sold it (and their web site),  and the manufacturers contact person all gave me different instructions.   Frankly, I suspect they are all wrong.  

That sounds like one that irritates me:
People who are experts on everything and "know it all"...
even though they don't...
yet that doesn't keep them from giving you the only authoritative answer...
and if you dare disagree, of course you are a complete idiot.

I try and just smile and nod and walk away, but I can't be stuck in a room with somebody like that for any length of time, or it just drives me up. the. wall!

Welcome to my world!
Here is a standard yes or no question posed to my partner.
"Are you hungry?"

The response: "...well I ate some eggs and toast at 9am, it was quite good, really enjoyed it - although the toast was a bit dark, I need to check the setting - it WAS good, I might have it again tomorrow.  I'm not saying I couldn't eat.  I might have some, I mean I did eat at 9am but I could eat again, maybe if it were a small portion....what were you thinking?" (In the meantime I have cooked, served and eaten my meal...or at least it feels that way!!!).

My partner is one of those you ask a simple question to and you get a verbal essay in return!  Even more shocking is this person was a commercial pilot for decades; there is no chit chat when dealing with Air Traffic Control etc., so where this excruciating need for random thoughts in response to a simple yes or no question is completely beyond me.

I can only say that I have had zero success in dealing with this behavior - aside from ignoring it until on a particularly bad day, it erupts into a massive fight, where I yet again explain my frustration, only to have it occur again within several hours.  I think it is some sort of compulsion to not say the "wrong" thing so rather than answer the question they provide umpteen responses so that it is up to the ASKER to determine the "correct" answer!

Although I feel like an idiot I now often preface questions with the caveat "this is a yes or no question".

Feel-good sayings that are based upon vapid cliches involving sweetness, light, love and hope.

"Help! I'm being beaten over the head with a sugar-frosted rainbow!"

This is an example of how I irritate Mr Ara: "Do you want lunch now or in half an hour?" His answer: "Yes." He gets annoyed because I ask him two questions instead of one. Somehow we are stilll married over 30 years down the line.

1.  Use of the word 'literally'.  90 percent of the time the word is used incorrectly, and 90 percent of the time it's used correctly, is used unnecessarily.

2.  'It is what it is'.

3.  Beginning sentences with the word 'So'.

This is one that I do, that really irritates myself...

Asking myself questions that I already know I don't know the answer to.
"Now, where did I put that...?  What time is it?  What did I come in here for?"

If I knew the answer... I WOULDN'T BE ASKING!  Grrr!

For me, it would be the use of "Cold Climate" or "Far North" in discussions about gardening and permaculture. It is almost always referring to a climate I don't consider cold. It's the ultimate clickbait for me and rarely provides any useful information. Having said that, I realize there are people in colder climates than I, that are rolling their eyes at me right now.

I've never quite understood the need to say "yes, all day" when I ask "Is it Thursday today?"

Why does anyone think it's funny to say "It'll suit you" if I ask "shall I put the kettle on"? (the first time, let alone the 15th! OK, no tea for them then.)

Nancy Reading wrote:I've never quite understood the need to say "yes, all day" when I ask "Is it Thursday today?"

Why does anyone think it's funny to say "It'll suit you" if I ask "shall I put the kettle on"? (the first time, let alone the 15th! OK, no tea for them then.)

OMG, my auntie (who would be nearing 100 if she were still around) used to say both these things!! I thought they were hysterical, country-speak, and until today never heard anyone else say them!