Michael Bajema

My first draft leaned too far into my faith, and was removed (fair), I will try to re-write with less-religious focus

The best discussion I know on this topic was given by Dick Keyes -- 30 years on, and it still shapes my thinking.  I remember it being in 4 parts, I only see 2 here:  https://www.labriideaslibrary.org/search-1?q=forgiveness+keyes

I agree with several writers above, I just organize it in my way.  

Forgiveness is NOT:
* Ignoring -- acting like something didn't happen
* Tolerating -- putting up with something that bothers you
* Downplaying -- pretending the injury is minor
* Forgetting -- losing the memory of what happened
* Excusing -- "That's just him" or "We all do it"
* Keeping silent -- not telling the person that you were hurt
* Stewing -- holding on to the hurt, fostering it, rolling it around in your mind, dwelling on it
* Lashing out -- over-reacting to everything that person does
* Gossiping -- talking to others about the person, telling people over and over what they did to you
* Wishing harm on the other person
* Retaliation -- seems obvious, but worth stating!

Some of those (tolerating, excusing) might be valid responses to some small things, but that is not 'forgiveness'

Forgiveness Might or might NOT be:
* Elimination of consequence.  You might forgive someone, yet testify against them in trial OR you might forgive them, and not bring charges (if it's that type of thing) -- lots of nuance there.
* Restoration of relationship.  If someone is abusive (verbally, physically, sexually), it may be appropriate to remove yourself from that relationship WHILE still doing the work to forgive.  In lesser cases, forgiveness does mean reconnecting and restoring relationship

To Forgive something, you first have to recognize that a serious hurt exists.  ('Serious' will be different for each of us -- you might do one thing to two of us, and I barely notice it, while another is deeply hurt, and vice-versa).  Something that must be forgiven can be compared to:
* A Debt -- something that must be repaid
* A Crime -- something that must be punished
* An Injury -- something that must be healed

Why should we forgive?
* Specific religious reasons
* Because we all hurt each other.  For small-to-medium things…we've all done it.  Hopefully, you & I haven't caused anyone serious trauma, but are we that much better than the person who hurt us?
* Because holding onto an unpaid  debt causes you pain every time you look at the ledger
* Because unpaid debts grow with interest, untreated injuries fester, and unforgiven hurts can come to dominate your life
* Because holding on to that hurt may cause you to hurt _them_  to the point where maybe YOU become the bully!  Wouldn't that stink, to realize that they had to forgive you?!

What *is* forgiveness?
* Stopping collection on the Debt.
* Stopping punishment for the Crime
* Healing the emotional hurt

Reminder -- this is *personal* forgiveness.  A Bank or Company might still recollect their stolen property, the State might still jail, etc....but if I forgive someone, I must stop trying to collect/punish them for this act.

So, what do you *do*?
* Religions would have specific responses, including prayer
* Usually, bit-by-bit, you work to let go of the resentment, of holding on to the hurt.  For some people, and some cases, this will be a one time choice.  For others, it may take years.  But it *is* _work_.  You need to, actively choose, when negative thoughts arise, to NOT dwell on them, to Replace those negative thoughts about the person with positive ones.  To strive to restore and rebuild relationship (if appropriate).  It is also costly -- for a bank to forgive a debt, they have to take on that loss in their own books
* Move towards wanting the good for the other person, instead of wanting harm to come to them in some way

Does Forgiveness require repentance?  There would be debate over this.  But I lean on the side that having the other person feel guilty and say they are sorry makes it much *easier* to forgive, in part because, well, we have collected on the debt, and, there isn't much to forgive, anymore!  So I think we are still called to forgive, even the unrepentant.

So, what happens in you?
* You stop/decrease the frequency, intensity, and intentionality of thinking negative, angry, resentful thoughts about the other person.
* You start/increase the frequency, intensity, and intentionality of thinking positive, maybe even loving thoughts about the other person
* You move towards noticing the event in your life without feeling the hurt (this may take ages, and may take counseling)
* You heal from the hurt!

Now, if only I could practice this in my own life, all might be well.  :-)

mlb

We have a 1750-built house with thin, historic windows which we are not allowed to replace.  we bought window inserts from
https://www.windowinserts.com/?srsltid=AfmBOoq5RHOqBS3BhPIBnJa6Hy3JjJxjYhkugSiHsufJusi1BIX-KL03  (there are other companies, this is just the one we were referred to)
It's like the plastic film from Home Depot, but on metal frames with soft foam around the edges.  More expensive than the film, but looks better, is a whole lot less work and less frustrating, and they can be removed in summer, and put back up with ease.  Moderate cost, massive benefit!  An IR camera shows a dramatic difference, but it's more obvious if you remove one -- suddenly a wind of cold washes off the windows...put it back up, and it's very pleasant.  I highly recommend this approach.  

We do have one window which is so badly sealed that gusts push the inserts off...those have gone in and out so often that the foam is tearing, after several years.

mlb

Bryant RedHawk wrote:I've been using ammonia as a kick starter for N fixation (35 ml to 2 L H2O dilution) on some green bean plants and the nodules reacted well.

Dr RedHawk:  That's fascinating -- why do you think ammonia would kickstart N Fixation?  The general theory I've gotten from Permie/Organic people is that any soluble N will give the plant such an easy fix, that it will be less likely to invest in fixation.  I should be clear -- I'm not criticizing, I'm genuinely curious!

If you don't mind a second question...my soil is *very* sandy, and has VERY little Cobalt or Molybdenum, and I believe that's part of why N-fixers have not done well on my property.  I have struggled to find a source of Cobalt fertilizer, I do have a small amount of Molybdenum...but I am worried about it just getting washed through the sand.  Any thoughts or recommendations?  I am considering making some biochar, and including the Molybdenum in the solution I 'charge' it with -- I think it will not then wash away, but is it likely to be available to the N-fixing bacteria?

Thank you very much for the help you provide in these forums!  (I've got lots of nerdy questions I want to pester you with sometime!)

mlb

So, if you're in Wisconsin, and looking for non-grafted trees, you should look into Mark Sheppard's nursery.  Not the fruits you are looking for, but a good place to know about:  https://www.forestag.com/collections/fruiting-trees-and-shrubs?page=1

I really appreciate all of the discussion.  Carrot seeds are tiny, and can't be buried deep, and dry out easily...  I tried the board trick, and it worked better than nothing...but not very well.  My soil is 90% sand...finally I tried covering the seed with a thin layer of very fine compost/leaf mould and watering EVERY day...that has resulted in pretty good germination.  I still don't succeed well with lettuce...but maybe next year

Rachel Lindsay wrote:My gardening space this year is a long rectangle 35' x 15' literally running along the front of my house. (It will have to be fenced for deer, so a rectangle border it must be.) I have been daydreaming about keyhole beds for years, but now that I have this shape in this place I wonder if it is a good idea.  

The principle behind spacing is that most people can reach about 2' into the garden, so if you have 2-side access, and don't want to step on your growing soil, you want 4'-wide beds, at most.  Then you need 2' between beds to kneel or walk, maybe 3+' for wheelbarrowing in supplies.  I'm sorry if I'm repeating stuff you know.

The principles behind raised beds are:
   They warm up earlier in spring
   They drain off excess water better
   They are a little easier to reach down to

I list these, because the 'draining off excess water' is a Negative for my sandy soil -- sunken beds are better!  You do not need to bring in a lot of soil for raised beds -- if you dig the paths downward, you will gain some soil, and if you do a lasagna garden for the beds, you will also gain some lift -- dig down 6", and put down 1' deep lasagna, and it will start as 18" lift, and settle down to probably 8".

The idea of a keyhole is initially that it is more efficient use of space -- there is less space used for paths...as long as you ignore the significant space *outside* of the keyhole...  I have found that several of them are not more efficient.  Another reason people are drawn to them, of course, is they seem less rigid, and more 'natural'

May I suggest alternatives?  Wandering paths that weave left & right, near the borders.  Or you could mimic the veins of a leaf or a river, with one major river winding the length, and smaller 'tributaries' coming off as needed.  Either would feel less industrial than straight lines parallel to the house, but could be efficient, and give people a path to get to the door, but encourage them to at least pause and smell the roses.

Are you accelerating?  
$151,073
What's been Permie's largest kickstarter?

Over $130k!

I live North of Boston (Zone 5).  Soil is mostly sand + rocks, so I have trouble growing anything.  One hillside in particular is probably old debris, and is more than 50% rocks, and has a fair amount of shade.  One the sunnier portions, Forsythia & Daylilies do very well.  On shadier parts, only Greater Celandine (Chelidonium majus), oriental bittersweet and Garlic Mustard thrive.  Oh, and a groundhog.

I would like something robust, even lightly aggressive, which can thrive and spread...but not so aggressive I regret it!

In order of preference, I'd like it to be:
  Edible
  Medicinal
  Beautiful
  Cuttable for compost
  A distraction to keep the groundhog away from more valued stuff!

I do want to be able to walk on the hill.

I wonder about mint (I do want some varieties somewhere, but have been warned in strong terms!

Got any great ideas?
thanks!