Gilly Bee

Beautiful poem, thanks for sharing.

Sounds like you have paradise where you are. Would have loved to come gain some more knowledge but just too far away. Maybe someday! Keep up the good work,it's inspiring and what the world needs, a billion more of you.

INFJ and likewise love deep conversations. Hard to find anyone else who likes such meaningful ones and INFJs are never just round the corner lol.

Hi Brian,

Interested to hear how things are going now,?
I am in Europe so you are too far away for me. I love what you were trying to create but understand the difficulties.
My aim is self sufficiency as much as possible.

T S Rodriguez wrote:

Terry Wilson wrote:Some wise words there my friend.
Do you know why friendships are maintained?  Because each one "gets" something.  The something can be wise words, a hot meal, a pat on the back etc.
Relationships are transactions because if there is not a transaction there is no relationship, like buyer and seller, parent and child.  Parent, child, sibs are a matter of kinship, you know them because of birth. Friendships, marriages, coworkers are by choosing to be "in" the relationship.  Marriage is better if both partners share the same values, ethics, morals there are fewer disagreements. These relationships are built on time, exchanges between the parties, feelings or emotions which elicit memories of good, bad or indifferent times spent together.


People do change, most of the time not much, unless there is a "shattering" event.  This could be death or sickness, or as simple as one partner seeing the other partner clearly (taking off their own rose colored glasses) for the first time.  It is how the two decide to either establish a different relationship or break or shatter the existing one.  
People are not easy.  How do we learn to be sociable people? from the ones around us and sometimes genes deal us a rotten hand to play out in life.  
As you say building the soil is improving yourself - maybe self care and caring for what you have.  As i have counseled - when someone has gone through a bad break up - go take care of your life - your self - your dream - you will stumble over the right person and if by chance you do not - be content with what you have made for and of yourself.  You are the only person who can make you happy!    
TS do you mind my asking what your relationship status is?  

Hi Terry, I have been married about 20 years, and each year has been better than the year before, no exaggeration. You stated above that "relationships are transactions because if there is no transaction there is no relationship." I think this is reductionist thinking, and I think it is near the core of why so many relationships fail. Of course there are transactions in some sense in all relationships, but relationships that are based on transactions are not healthy relationships. That is what I am trying to say.

You don't have a healthy relationship with the lady at the cash register because all you do with her is make a transaction. The moment you begin communicating on a personal level you are taking the relationship above the transaction, and turning it into something healthier. Now it is no longer about a transaction but about a person. Most people intrinsically know this, and will attempt to engage in polite small talk. Even a bad relationship, if it is personally bad, is in some sense healthier than a transactional relationship. At least the relationship is bad because you know one another well enough to dislike each other. At least your dislike is based on something true, rather than indifference, in which the two people don't even know one another. Relationships in which we simply use one another for various things, even if those things are good things, are bad relationships.

It is not possible to truly love someone when your relationship is based on what you do for them and what they do for you. This is why the traditional wedding vows say nothing about what my spouse will do for me. The vows are unconditional. I am obligated to love honor and cherish my wife in richer, poorer, sickness, health, etc... no matter what. Regardless of whether she holds up her end of the bargain. It isn't a bargain. It is a covenant. That's the point. Whether she carries her weight or not, I am obligated under God and by my vows before witnesses. Likewise she is also obligated in the same ways. I believe that is the "permaculture" way of doing relationships. The result is that the soil improves every single year, instead of being depleted every year. Even if she were to fail miserably each day, if I remain faithful to my vows, my love for her will grow. For ordinary people this kind of love will sooner or later win them over, just like continuously improving the soil will eventually yield you better crops. And even if it doesn't, the soil is still better than it was before and you haven't lost anything.

These ideas come from a combination of Bible reading and life experience with my wife of applying the stuff we read there.

TS I think you are misinterpreting what TW is saying. Relationships are about what you both speak of. However when you like it to soil what you have to remember is that without the input it does not improve and the importance of input is not one part but 2 and in a lot of cases that is where relationships fail. No matter what you have in common if both parties do not feed the soil ( relationship) then it will not improve. And the one feeder is doing all the work till they cannot keep up and give up.

So I agree with both of you but additionally both parties have to WANT to feed the relationship.

Jay Grace wrote:In both cases both partners want the end results of a mortgage free permaculture paradise but realized within a few years there is work (a lot of work) involved in making that happen.

Sacrifices that involved working 7 days a week months on end at an off the farm job. Just to pay the mortgage down a year earlier.

No $20k vacations to far off lands.

One realized she was a subdivision type girl.
The other will probably find an older someone well off to take care of her that has already put in all the hard work.

Jay I have quite the reverse. Partners who don't want to put in the work to get the said homestead paradise. When I am all in and end up being left with all the said work. Think it might be a personality thing. Some of us are all in.....some of us never will be no matter what.

Less of us around in Europe it would seem lol...Good luck finding your someone.

😊

Mk Neal wrote:Have you thought about offering your gathering spaces for other groups to hold events? Or offering group tours? Seems like if you connected with an existing club or group of gardeners/ foragers/nature enthusiasts this might bring a mix of people (including women) to your space.

Carrying on from this idea. Why not look up people who hold weekend retreats and invite them to use your space.
That way they advertise and they bring people to your space. Things like weekend yoga retreats, spiritual retreats or team building events. I used to love team building where we went on say an experience to learn archery or pottery or whatever. This way the group is already known to each other and safety less of a concern.
This then gets your space advertised and people see what you are trying to achieve and the interest stems from there.
I would defo plant up a herb garden too.

Good luck

Maybe inviting a female to your place and getting her input once she sees around.
I guess it's the small things.
Minimalist is great but as mentioned before clean facilities, as in toilet and bathing areas.
Also a well thought out communal kitchen area. Food preparation is key and a well thought out area and facilities to cook your local produce and juice would be key for me.