Jolene Csakany

Christopher Weeks wrote:I get what you're saying, but I do think that religious compatibility is an awfully important aspect of making connections.  

I know it is, but maybe they need their own separate forums because otherwise they overwhelm the general community.

I really like the idea of earning your way into the Singles Forum by getting at least one apple and some likes or whatever else has been suggested.  
I am a super shy person, (or was before menopause when I cared about dating) but this is online, and if people can't communicate about permaculture stuff how can they communicate about singles stuff?  

I would also appreciate a forum for housemate/intentional community member/business partner/activity partners... set up like that for people to meet who are interested in meeting new friends for things other than romance.  It would feel both safer and exclusive in a good way.  Anyone can earn their way in, but they have to make a little effort outside of the singles forum.

I feel like some of the people on permie singles would fit better in Christian singles.  Too much religion in this forum.  More permaculture, less religion.  They already have their own singles sites.  I wouldn't mind a no religion rule here.  And I have spiritual beliefs, but I'd be happy to not bring them up if that rule was made.  

A lot of my feelings have been reflected in other posts.  I won't bother repeating what's been said before, but wanted to add that there are women out there having a similar experience to yours, and wanting the same things you want.  For whatever reasons, we have have a hard time finding a romantic partner with matching values even when we immerse ourselves in things that express and explore those values as you have.  
Some believe it's karma; and that can provide a comforting sense of knowing; but who knows if they're right.  I know it's better to be alone than to be with the wrong person, and take great comfort in that as I head into old age on my own- and with a lot less experience and know how than you as I try to create a homestead in my fifties.  

I don't consider all my past romantic relationships failures.  Some were failures until they ended.  Others turned into friendships and were great successes even if we drifted apart.  I think the only failure is when we know someone isn't right for us and we stay rather than be alone or deal with the confrontation and mess that a break up entails and so let ourselves go numb.  I'm guilty of that.

While I think it's important you not compromise on core values, that doesn't mean you can't explore a relationship with someone who doesn't check all your boxes.  Just let them know things won't be moving past friendship if they don't understand your perspective-  and both of you must be willing to compromise.  For some women wearing makeup is artistic expression, and they are not right for you (although there is non toxic makeup and some women make their own from natural products, these women will probably want to be appreciated for their glamour). Other women feel they are not taken seriously or found attractive without makeup.  They would love to know their man actually hates it and it would give them the courage to face society with a naked face if they knew their man had their back.  They have other women policing them, friends and sisters telling them they need it and it makes many of us insecure and confused about what men like.  
I know a few women who don't smoke anything or drink alcohol but allow their man to do it outside the house on the porch.  When the right man came along, it was a compromise they didn't mind making.   When the chemistry is there, sometimes a few things can be more negotiable... or not.  

My advice on this and most things is to just stay open.  You never know where life will take you, and who or what will turn up when.  
More advice- do yoga!  So many women who are dedicated to a yoga practice long for a man to join them who doesn't drink or smoke or pollute his body and would support them with a permaculture produced bounty of food and clean living!!! and you are the unicorn they have been dreaming about!


and a little more advice- get a dog if you don't already have one. It seems to me like way more women want dogs in their life than men.  If you want to get attention from random women, just walk your dog.  Walk your dog past the yoga studio.  Walk your three legged, one eared rescue dog past the yoga studio- clean living women who want a homesteading lifestyle will think you are the compassionate man of their dreams.  I know- dogs are a pain in the ass and can be dangerous.  But most chicks like dogs these days, especially the all natural, living off the land types.  

All of the above that others have explained- insurance, fear of fire, fear of increased paperwork, cost to have built, staying up to code...

What I would need is to see someone near me go through the process or have someone mentor me through everything.  I am not a builder and don't understand them. I would need help with the paperwork part of things too, not just the building.  I foresee myself buying a more efficient wood stove in the next few years, and would love to do something more efficient.

I met someone who burned down a cabin with one.  I also met someone who had one in her beautiful round home and she told everyone how amazing it is.  So, I have heard good and bad reports on them over the years.  I would love to find something more efficient than a wood stove. I'm hoping to just build more of a hearth than is already around the stove for more even heating.

wild ginger, currents, gooseberry, pawpaw, fig, cornelian cherry, and hazelnut trees can grow under oaks- or so I have read as I have some big oaks on my property that I  hope to plant some guilds under someday.  Miners lettuce and regular lettuce and other leafy greens supposedly do ok.  From my research, oaks are not considered strongly allelopathic like black walnut, locust and some others.  There is often more a problem with getting things planted among the roots or competition for resources than allelopathic issues so it's about providing a deep layer of compost and fertilizing- or so I have read.   I haven't actually planted them all together and am pretty new to stuff so I don't know.  Some native plants even do better under oaks and have symbiotic relationships with them.    
Check out this previous thread for ideas from people who know more than me-
https://permies.com/t/11894/White-Oak-Guild-Emphasis-Edibles#:~:text=Jordan%20Lowery%20%2C%20pollinator,does%20well%20in%20open%20shade.
here's one from reddit:
https://www.reddit.com/r/Permaculture/comments/16tmr4u/looking_for_tips_to_start_a_mini_food_forest/#:~:text=If%20the%20oak%20is%20leafed,is%20your%20mini%20food%20forest.

If you do want to raise goats, and have poison ivy growing under the oaks they love to eat poison ivy and it's very nutritious for them.  I was caring for a sick goat at a meat goat farm I worked at that the owners had given up on.  I brought her all the poison ivy I was clearing out for the farm and she made a full recovery and astonished the owners who had been raising goats for decades.  

What about forest botanicals like ginseng, blue cohosh and goldenseal and many others.  You would have to do some research to see if you have the right land for them.  Maybe they won't feed you the way a sun loving veggie garden will, but if you have an interest in herbal remedies and making tinctures and teas, you may be able to have some fun and satisfaction from this.   There are also some flowers that like partial shade, both native and possibly some expensive ones like tree peonies and hellebores that don't tend to be eaten by deer, rabbits or groundhogs.  

Matt McSpadden wrote:If you are not a vegetarian, what about animals? Deer and turkey would certainly love acorns and wouldn't take any work other than hunting :)

Acorn finished pigs are considered a delicacy. Chickens, goats, geese, cows, and sheep would all be fine in the shade.

As someone with a mostly partial shade property and not a vegetarian I want to say that other than the hunting, which can have inconsistent results and depends on whether the game is coming onto their land  and your marksman skill, this suggestion has way more upfront cost than growing most plants or fungus and involves a much bigger commitment and effects everyone around you.  
It's not just about being or not being a vegetarian!  Do you have the money for fencing and housing, are you zoned for animals, are you competent with their slaughter or is this a skill you would like to learn, are you competent with butchering animals or is this a skill you would like to learn or is there a facility for this near you?  

I garden for an older woman who has neighbors that got started with cows, horses and yaks that were not properly fenced, housed or fed and she had to deal with animals trashing her gardens, seeing dead animals in the road, seeing undernourished and sickly animals wandering around in search of food... and it just being a huge, chaotic and very sad mess for all the surrounding neighbors and most especially for the animals.  Her gardens that she built over many years and lovingly tended were trashed and it was hard for her to see the suffering and dead animals.  Animal control got involved and so those neighbors now have some barely adequate fencing so she just sees the poorly cared for animals at a distance now.

I've known of other people starting with animals and then not having it in them to kill what they raised and regretting the decision and eventually keeping a few for pets and sending everything  else to auction and feeling like they wasted a lot of money.  Someone I work with just sent their goats to the auction. After bringing in pictures and videos for weeks, full of delight about their new charges clearing the brush on their land- and I was kind of jealous because I love goats and want them so much, but over a few weeks the stories changed to what a pain in the ass the animals were and the goats kept escaping and trashed their gardens and got them in trouble with neighbors they previously had a good relationship with for many years so they were all packed up and sent to auction after 3 or 4 months.  

This is not a suggestion to just toss out there like starting mushrooms.  Even animals you intend to eat are a big commitment.  Will you be there daily for their care?  or have the money to set up something automated or pay someone to do it?  Do you go on vacations, visit family or get busy with work- can you find help and pay someone to help if you do this?  Can you protect them from predators?  I know someone who raises pheasants for hunting and he just lost over 70 birds to a weasel.