Welcome to permies! Glad you found us. I can certainly relate to the sense of relief knowing there were other people that thought and behaved this way. I experienced much the same upon finding this community. So sorry to hear of the loss of your parents and that you are struggling so. Human society as it is right now can certainly be hard on the mental and emotional health. Like you, I mostly can't engage with it. I think we humans are wired for connection with others and thinking differently makes it hard to connect in ways that feel good, but there are people out there who understand and can help you. I hope you find some close to you!
Seeking out a good therapist is very worthwhile and I think would be a good idea, if you're able. It can take some looking to find someone who is a good fit. Having someone trained to offer that level of support is so important when you're struggling. I know I have found it immensely helpful. I see a therapist trained in somatic experiencing and have found that more helpful than talk therapy, but do whatever works best for you. If you aren't able to find a therapist right away, I would highly recommend this youtube channel in the meantime:
https://www.youtube.com/c/TherapyinaNutshell She is a licensed therapist and has lots of super helpful videos about how to improve your mental and emotional health without medication.
It's no substitute for a therapist, but I would also highly recommend the book "To Be Healed by the Earth" by Warren Grossman, PH.D. It's about exactly what it sounds like, connecting with the Earth as a means to heal emotionally. I bet you'd dig it. You might also check out the work of Peter Levine PH.D. His book "Healing Trauma" is very good and there are lots of resources on his website here:
https://www.somaticexperiencing.com/experiential
I understand the resistance to allopathic medicine. There are other more natural ways to support the mind and spirit in getting out of depression though. Making sure you're getting
enough Vitamin B and D, preferably from food and the sun respectively. But if not, supplementing can help. Consulting an herbalist about herbs to support you could be beneficial too.
I don't know your area to offer
local resources. Hopefully someone else will. Have you considered looking into any community gardens or other groups where people might share some interests?
When I'm feeling down, this guy really helps me. I particularly love this
video and the reminder that often the things that make us feel the most alone have the most potential to connect us.
I know it's really hard and often painful being in this society. I'm really glad you're still here and looking for ways to heal, connect and grow. I think it's very wise and brave of you to reach out for help. We all need and deserve connection and support. Wish I could give you a real hug, but know I'm sending hugs through the ethers. Hopefully you find some local permies to connect with!
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