POST 138 (DAY 145, Saturday, 2021.1.2)
[Morning Entry]
.. yesterday was another half-holiday.. i must have watched a total of about 3-4 hours of television/video entertainment.. in fact, there was probably an average of about 2 hours of
video each day since monday.. this means i didnt rest much.. i knew this could mean trouble for me, and yet i did it anyway.. you know how sometimes you know you're done eating, but the food still looks good, and then moments later there you are rolling around on the floor because sitting or standing are just too uncomfortable?--what a silly, twisted game, and yet every once in a while i need a reminder.. its kind of like that.. during month 1, i was very certain that my maximum "play" time each day was somewhere around 1 hour, and the rest of it would be working or sleeping or eating.. i knew this because that's the system i had set up for myself while living in the
city.. that system served me and worked for me very well.. i lived alone.. living in community, i seem to be picking up small habits here and there, from those around me.. this isn't my first rodeo so to speak, so i know that in short time, i will create and adapt to a new system of routine that serves me and fits my new environment..
.. this morning and yesterday morning i had trouble getting out of bed.. a red flag in my book, that i'm not going to bed early
enough.. this week and next week, i'm the sole
boot in bootcamp.. its funny how i no longer hear the thoughts of blaming other in my head when no one else is around to blame.. instead if i see a stain on the counter or a homegood out of place, i ask, "DID I DO THAT??" (like steve urk3l).. and then move along with my day.. oh Blame--what a fickle, unproductive pursuit.. i'm so glad i have this chance to reflect on how living in community reveals aspects of my own true nature that otherwise would remain hidden and safe from critique or assessment.. speaking of which..
.. WELLNESS ASSESSMENT: my fingers are sore from peeling logs.. im glad its a day of rest today, and next week i shall spread out the wielding of the spud stick to allow sufficient rest for these to tired digits.. emotionally/spiritually i'm so grateful and satisfied with each day.. i know i wrote about not having much will to live or procreate in a recent entry, but not to worry.. i'm here to realize something greater than one person can build alone, and my raw truths must be faced, explored, and tested if im going to give my dreams a fair chance, even if i'm somewhat fearful.. ignoring or denying my feelings would be perhaps a greater mistake (i've been down that road before also)..
enjoy the pics~!
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