Tessa Dawn Nunlist wrote:I don't know how my advice will be received here, but these are a few things that have helped me . My partner and I have massage sessions & care sessions in the evenings. We know that going to a massage therapist would be awesome, but we would rather do it for ourselves! Sit cross legged across from each other, and massage each others shoulders & necks or feet! This will make both of you feel easier and more at peace before bed, therefor setting a good tone for the following morning.
Do it how you feel comfortable.
On the mental side of things, try to have a quiet time before bed and during that time of settling in for the night, play this music from you tube called Frequency Music. Find a good one for how you are feeling!
And no matter how bad you are in pain, try to exercise that one thing that is not in pain. PLEASE!
Spend time with each other and remember that everyone deserves a peaceful home to live in, no matter the circumstances.
Brody Ekberg wrote:
Theres a lot there that we should improve on. I used to massage her almost every night and she still struggled to sleep but I’ve gotten away from that lately. Ive actually gotten away from HER lately and I’m starting to wonder if the lack of attention from me is contributing to her stress levels. Its also hard to have quiet time before bed as the last hour or two of the night is usually the only time of day we can talk about much together, and a lot of what we end up talking about generates some stress: relationship issues, possible job changes, covid restrictions, conspiracies…
Its easy for me to talk about that stuff and then just go to sleep anyway, but I think she stays in an elevated stress state for a while afterwards which probably interrupts her sleep cycles.
I think you're probably right about the lack of attention contributing. I know when I'm feeling disconnected from my partner, it stresses me immensely and it's hard to fall asleep next to him when I'm feeling hurt by his behavior. I second what Carla said about needing to avoid tense topics before bedtime. It really sounds like your wife is already way too activated and tends towards fight/flight/freeze. Of course, the relationship stuff is important and necessary to talk about. Perhaps you could make a point of scheduling talks about that and setting a time limit? Preferably not before bed, if at all possible. Maybe using a framework of some sort, like intentional dialogue? Having something like that can really help keep things calmer and more focused. And letting your wife know that it's okay to stop or take a break if she feels like it's getting to be too much.
Brody Ekberg wrote:Theres a lot there that we should improve on. I used to massage her almost every night and she still struggled to sleep but I’ve gotten away from that lately. Ive actually gotten away from HER lately and I’m starting to wonder if the lack of attention from me is contributing to her stress levels. Its also hard to have quiet time before bed as the last hour or two of the night is usually the only time of day we can talk about much together, and a lot of what we end up talking about generates some stress: relationship issues, possible job changes, covid restrictions, conspiracies…
Carla Burke wrote:
Talking/thinking about stressful things right before bed most DEFINITELY makes for a difficult time getting to sleep, for me. It also has a detrimental effect on my quality of sleep, and those two things leave me tired and grumpy, the next day. Knowing this is an issue for me, I've learned that if I feel my stress levels going up, right before bed, it's time to change the subject - very bluntly, if necessary. But, that's my style - I've learned to pay attention to how things affect me, and make my needs known. She may not even be aware that this could be part of her exhaustion. So, maybe you could find a way to steer your night time conversations to something more relaxing, restorative, uplifting... positive. It helps me, immensely.
Denise Kersting wrote:My mom was struggling with insomnia and I got her a dodow sleep light after reading a ton of reviews. Dodow light Even after I got it I was thinking there was no way it would work, but I figured what the heck, she won't do pills. She has been using it and said it actually worked for her! She was super skeptical of it but was amazed that she just falls asleep easily with it. It works similar to meditation where it slows your breathing down while you breathe in and out to the pattern of light it emits. It is completely silent, which mom likes and it turns itself off and is small/ fits easily on her nightstand.
Denise Kersting wrote:If you do want to try the light, I've seen a few on Ebay and a few of the other online resale sites for less than retail. I actually just got one including shipping for under $19 for myself.