being an introvert in community

I am an introvert as well. I still know the need for a community, which I am yet looking for to live away from urban civilization in the sustainable ways that are important, as I see. It would be worthwhile for there to be others who are introverts as well in such a community I can find I can be with. And my love of making stories with my creativity can be something that might interest some others, who could value me being there.

I don't know how much of this sentiment resonates with me due to being an introvert, or being a sensitive sort dealing with far too much stress over different periods of my life.



I think it describes a level of shut down I've experienced where I've been unable to "hear" others. Just no capacity to take in what they want to say, plus a severely reduced or non-existent ability to learn new things.

I'm so, so grateful to be moving past a multi-year period of feeling like this and now being able to listen to others and have meaningful conversations again.

Jocelyn Campbell wrote:I don't know how much of this sentiment resonates with me due to being an introvert, or being a sensitive sort dealing with far too much stress over different periods of my life.

I think it describes a level of shut down I've experienced where I've been unable to "hear" others. Just no capacity to take in what they want to say, plus a severely reduced or non-existent ability to learn new things.

I'm so, so grateful to be moving past a multi-year period of feeling like this and now being able to listen to others and have meaningful conversations again.

I guess we can learn others might be that way at some time in their life, it is part of what to know for accommodating others.

Another introvert here. Making space and time for quiet is a must. It's been difficult lately, just too many things in the world upsetting hubby, a social phobic extrovert on the autistic spectrum who wants to fix everything that's wrong on the planet and takes it personally that he can't. Used to be, mornings and afternoons were challenging, but by evening, things would quiet down. Unfortunately, a noisy neighbor and thin walls with no soundproofing has me ready to scream some evenings.
In the past, I've lived in community and managed spending much of my time in group activities or with other people by having a private space to retreat to when needed. I used to be able to filter out the sound of people talking in the next room. Now I've developed an unusual form of migraine and my internal filters have stopped working. Being anywhere there's nore than one conversation going on is hell, and it's made me antisocial. I could happily be a hermit, at least for a while. Maybe why the little piece of land I'm buying is on the outskirts of a small town, yet a little isolated, too, no immediate neighbors.
Jocelyn, you have my sympathy, and my admiration! Good self-care is essential, and knowing that you aren't being rude if you go for a walk and pass other people. A wave to acknowledge them as you keep walking will probably be enough. LOL, maybe that's my introvert showing. If I'm out walking, it's such a releief when people don't feel the need to stop and talk to me!

Jocelyn Campbell wrote:One year living in community has reinforced something I've always known about myself:  I'm a social introvert.

I've always preferred one-on-one interactions to large groups and this graphic nails why.

From graphic from Roman/Schroeder Jones:

My main coping skill is to retreat to my private bedroom space, because even outdoors here at the base camp acreage there are not many private areas just to be.

I hope this isn't a repeat topic already thoroughly discussed elsewhere in the community forums.  I just thought it might help to share and discuss different coping techniques because, surely, I'm not the only social introvert living in community.

I know this is an old post, but just wanted to say I relate a lot to it.

We can always learn things for betterment, if we permit ourselves to. While I am in fact never anything but introverted, I don't let that limit me in any way that I can see. I will still say things to another whenever and whatever I think is needful for that. Speaking up in a crowded room would be something different, but still not impossible, and I do discuss things with many at a time on some online sites. There are issues so important there needs to be communication on those things, with facts brought up. And certainly needs should be expressed.

Here's another interesting viewpoint - maybe even not just for introverts.

I'm an INTJ personality type, so I am naturally introverted, but I can and have engaged in socializing for work. I also feel that introverts are more "do it yourself" types versus those who ask for help. Just my 2 cents.

While I identify as a social introvert (ha! does one "identify" as this?!) I think I am also very much, or perhaps even more, an HSP.

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2022/apr/02/are-you-anxious-introverted-or-just-a-highly-sensitive-person

On being an introvert from Parkrose Permaculture in Portland, Oregon:

Douglas Alpenstock wrote:Playing an instrument well, such as a guitar, is a fine coping mechanism for introverts. In a crowded gathering, you can settle into a corner with a beverage, provide pleasant music for people, and fade in and out of conversations at your pleasure. Your live music creates the warp bubble that keeps people at a certain distance, because they can see you are fully engaged and yet not stand-offish or antisocial. On the contrary: people invite you back, and ask "will you bring your guitar?" Perfect.

I work as the Audio Visual technician on a 150m ship with 300 people on board. I have a built in excuse to ignore everyone during community gatherings.

I also don't eat in the dining room and have a few friends for whom introvert is not a noun but a verb. "What are you doing this afternoon? Introverting". I will probably emerge every other evening for games with up to around 5 others.

The only difference that I notice because of the covid rules (surgical ship), is that I wear a KN95 for most of the day. The maximum group sizes and social distancing don't affect me at all.

My constant desire to edit and re-edit my thoughts before I speak them makes conversation awkward and difficult at times. I was reassured when I read Isabel Myers' book on the subject of MBTI personality types, and found that in her theory, the mental function each introvert is best at, is naturally an introverted process, and the mental function each introvert is second-best at is the one that interacts with other people. Oh boy!

Myers likened our personalities' ordering of these top two mental functions to a general with his aide-de-camp. For extraverts, people communicating with them get to see the "general." With introverts, the people communicating with them have to see and get through to the general only by means of his less-powerful assistant. That made sense to me and put into perspective that it is very loud inside my head, although what other people hear from me in person isn't nearly so much.

paul wheaton wrote:surely, I am not the only one that feels this

When I saw the above image the other day, I nodded my head--and it's not because I don't want to express all that stuff that I don't--due to my temperament it's easier to communicate in writing than aloud, in the moment, when I can't ponder what I have expressed before expressing it.  

James Alun wrote:I work as the Audio Visual technician on a 150m ship with 300 people on board. I have a built in excuse to ignore everyone during community gatherings.

This was likely the only way I could personally cope with going to music events as much as I did, back in the day. Staffing and then running the sound board was a way to be just-close-enough to people without them being in your face constantly.

I also used to be a vocalist (singing and kazoo). Depending on what you do, being a performer is also a way to be around people, while keeping them at a distance. I like the earlier comment about bringing a guitar to events. That takes a lot of courage, I think. All of this does return to the "hamster ball" concept that kicked-off this thread, and I personally identify with that a lot.

One thing I might want to do some day is recruit a cadre of like-minded kazoo players, and maybe develop a "kazoo quartet." It's very useful for vocalists like me, plus it's odd enough of an instrument that people will both keep you at a distance but then stay close enough to hear it and listen to what songs you try to play with it - particularly if you have skills.

Love this.



Since I don't have pets, I might substitute plants, teas, foraging, or communing in the forest for my "sorry, but I have a meeting then" excuse.

Coping with social interaction.

Im a extroverted introvert.  So I do 'get' what everyone's saying on this thread.  Hey, you're doing a good job being YOU!!!  You can always chat me up if feel like it.  

I'm an extreme introvert. I prefer to listen to music, I like the distant presence of humans, people watching as well, but I don't have much small talk available if any at all.

Having to bunk with multiple people is probably the only thing keeping me from Permies bootcamp.

Jocelyn Campbell wrote:
I wear a headset to listen to shows or music while I'm doing accounting on the computer. It's amazing how many people don't notice or talk right over that.

That made me think of the people who seem to be hearing voices and/or talking to me or a ghost when they're really just using wireless earbuds and a hidden mike.

As for introversion, I think it's on a spectrum, with some of us just preferring a lot of alone time but not actively avoiding people.

WOW!!! Is this ever a revelation!
I thought all of you 'permies plebes' WERE extroverts who wanted to show your skills at work building a better world, living in tents throughout the year, and living as much 'off the land' as possible and filing in the rest with your permie gardens. And of course, working on learning-by-doing projects.

I suspected that you would crawl into your tents at night, make sure you had enough energy stored from the sun and partied half the night away having a beer with popcorn and watching the latest permies based VidClips.

What a wake up call for me!

Any way, why not tents if you're an Introvert? The have some really nice ice-fishing tents that you can stand up in and rolling out a sleeping bag at night would be no problem. A propane lantern would solve the light and heat problems in each tent. With all of the trees around you you could all get together and fell one, saw some planks for several tents to have a very small desk& chair/stool, and some shelving. Help each other long enough to get all of your tents set up like that and then go hibernate until it is either chow time or work time. Nuff said!     :-)

OH! Wait, there is more. You need all of those nice thermals tops & bottoms, hats, gloves, and boots for the frigid weather too. And something to break the ice cycles when you go pee!  :-)  Being an Introvert, make sure no one is watching!

I fall into the extreme introvert multiplied by social anxiety category. My goats use all my energy, I have to recover from talking to everyone else for at least 2 days. I know I should do something about it, but I'm busy with goats....

I think I finally made my decision: I am not going to live in a 'community' in the sense of a group of people living in the same building or on the same land and doing many things together. The 'networks' of likeminded people I'm already part of suit me better. We all can go on living on our own (or with our own little family), but do things together when we like or when help is needed.
Probably most of us (or all?) are introverts ...

Jesse Glessner wrote:WOW!!! Is this ever a revelation!
I thought all of you 'permies plebes' WERE extroverts who wanted to show your skills at work building a better world, living in tents throughout the year, and living as much 'off the land' as possible and filing in the rest with your permie gardens. And of course, working on learning-by-doing projects.

I suspected that you would crawl into your tents at night, make sure you had enough energy stored from the sun and partied half the night away having a beer with popcorn and watching the latest permies based VidClips.

What a wake up call for me!

Any way, why not tents if you're an Introvert? The have some really nice ice-fishing tents that you can stand up in and rolling out a sleeping bag at night would be no problem. A propane lantern would solve the light and heat problems in each tent. With all of the trees around you you could all get together and fell one, saw some planks for several tents to have a very small desk& chair/stool, and some shelving. Help each other long enough to get all of your tents set up like that and then go hibernate until it is either chow time or work time. Nuff said!     :-)

OH! Wait, there is more. You need all of those nice thermals tops & bottoms, hats, gloves, and boots for the frigid weather too. And something to break the ice cycles when you go pee!  :-)  Being an Introvert, make sure no one is watching!

Let me take this serious (probably you are joking). I love spending some time in a tent on a camp ground. I would love it even more when it's an organised permaculture activity. But ... only for a few days. Then I need to be on my own again, not so close to others.

Introvert here who also loves connection and building community: I would say there's a much bigger picture than isolation vs. living-together-codependently.  

It helps to have tools.

Conversation, language--this is a tool we invented.  It makes things go faster.  (Or go awry faster.)

We didn't invent another correlate to go along with it--listening.  It makes things go slower, but go awry less, and allows people to get their needs met better.

the drL in my signature includes a listening tool--mirroring back what you heard the other person say.  It can be requested by the listener, the speaker, or any other person present in the conversation.  It is at the consent of the speaker.

I have become a better listener--and I'd thought I was pretty darn good at listening before.  

I have been helped to listen better to myself even, to what I actually mean vs. merely how to translate my thoughts into some kind of form others can relate to.  To hear myself in real-time, in this moment, and not just later in solitude.

With my being an introvert, positive feedback is of great value to me, and I am encouraged to communicate more on a subject. The subjects I speak on are important to me and things I think others should hear about. Without that positive feedback and getting any sense of dismissal that easily comes I get discouraged and draw back to myself still, and still blame myself for not expressing myself better, as I yet continue to think what I want to say would be important to others.

Being older makes it a further difficulty when I want to fully participate and be included and it seems like now it should not still be as difficult.

Leila Hamaya.......

thanks for the introduction to "Headphone Silence"

Ken Poythress wrote:Leila Hamaya.......

thanks for the introduction to "Headphone Silence"

its a good one. =)

i really like ane brun, she's great, thats a really great remix of her song tho...
people love to remix her stuff, her voice is so incredible and the songs are well written musically


also her --

I'd missed the Ane Brun recommendations - thank you! I wanted some new tunes in my playlists.

But here is the real reason I looked up this thread.

https://www.cnbc.com/amp/2023/02/07/neuroscientist-shares-coveted-skills-that-set-introverts-apart-their-brains-work-differently.html

Whoa about this line: "It takes up to 23 minutes for a person to regain focus after they've been interrupted."

The author of the linked CNBC article helps BIG companies retain top talent...like introverts. I love how she calls out introverts' strengths and best accommodations in the article.

source

The afterparty lol! I love it. 😂

Jocelyn Campbell wrote:...
Whoa about this line: "It takes up to 23 minutes for a person to regain focus after they've been interrupted."
...

Thank you Jocelyn. This quote is about me! I don't work well when I get interrupted. Indeed it takes very long for me to find back my focus on what I was doing before the interruption. But if I can work on my own and do it my way I do very well!
If it isn't about work and focus isn't needed I like being with other people, I'm not the 'typical introvert' then.

I used to think I was an introvert.  Then I went to this mensa meeting in Alaska with a friend.  Half the people were the usual "I'm so smart, so look how smart I am because I'm better than anything" people, but there was this group of off gridders.  You might even call them permies.  I fit right in there like ham on rye.  ...or maybe peanut butter and jam.  Anyway, after the meeting my friend comes up to me and says, "Who the hell are you?  I've never seen you be so extroverted and social before."
I realized that it isn't that I'm an introvert as much as I just don't like most people.

I'm sure being an introvert/extrovert is a thing.  I've seen plenty of introverts who learned to overcome their shyness and extroverts who learned to dial down the energy and be patient listeners.

A common language I observe in introverts are phrases like "have trust issues" and "rather be alone than hurt" which translates in phycological terms into: very weak Boundaries.

Here's a sample of Dr. Paul analysis method from the full MindOS model: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-urban-scientist/202303/how-to-find-kind-high-character-people-on-social-media

I wish this material was more widely available
Get yourself a copy of MindOS by Dr. Paul Dobransky. It's an extremely powerful self-analysis and psyche model which can help identify causes of our successes and failures in many areas of our lives.

Cheers