being an introvert in community

I am an introvert as well. I still know the need for a community, which I am yet looking for to live away from urban civilization in the sustainable ways that are important, as I see. It would be worthwhile for there to be others who are introverts as well in such a community I can find I can be with. And my love of making stories with my creativity can be something that might interest some others, who could value me being there.

I don't know how much of this sentiment resonates with me due to being an introvert, or being a sensitive sort dealing with far too much stress over different periods of my life.



I think it describes a level of shut down I've experienced where I've been unable to "hear" others. Just no capacity to take in what they want to say, plus a severely reduced or non-existent ability to learn new things.

I'm so, so grateful to be moving past a multi-year period of feeling like this and now being able to listen to others and have meaningful conversations again.

Jocelyn Campbell wrote:I don't know how much of this sentiment resonates with me due to being an introvert, or being a sensitive sort dealing with far too much stress over different periods of my life.



I think it describes a level of shut down I've experienced where I've been unable to "hear" others. Just no capacity to take in what they want to say, plus a severely reduced or non-existent ability to learn new things.

I'm so, so grateful to be moving past a multi-year period of feeling like this and now being able to listen to others and have meaningful conversations again.

I guess we can learn others might be that way at some time in their life, it is part of what to know for accommodating others.

Another introvert here. Making space and time for quiet is a must. It's been difficult lately, just too many things in the world upsetting hubby, a social phobic extrovert on the autistic spectrum who wants to fix everything that's wrong on the planet and takes it personally that he can't. Used to be, mornings and afternoons were challenging, but by evening, things would quiet down. Unfortunately, a noisy neighbor and thin walls with no soundproofing has me ready to scream some evenings.
In the past, I've lived in community and managed spending much of my time in group activities or with other people by having a private space to retreat to when needed. I used to be able to filter out the sound of people talking in the next room. Now I've developed an unusual form of migraine and my internal filters have stopped working. Being anywhere there's nore than one conversation going on is hell, and it's made me antisocial. I could happily be a hermit, at least for a while. Maybe why the little piece of land I'm buying is on the outskirts of a small town, yet a little isolated, too, no immediate neighbors.
Jocelyn, you have my sympathy, and my admiration! Good self-care is essential, and knowing that you aren't being rude if you go for a walk and pass other people. A wave to acknowledge them as you keep walking will probably be enough. LOL, maybe that's my introvert showing. If I'm out walking, it's such a releief when people don't feel the need to stop and talk to me!

Jocelyn Campbell wrote:One year living in community has reinforced something I've always known about myself:  I'm a social introvert.

I've always preferred one-on-one interactions to large groups and this graphic nails why.

From graphic from Roman/Schroeder Jones:

My main coping skill is to retreat to my private bedroom space, because even outdoors here at the base camp acreage there are not many private areas just to be.

I hope this isn't a repeat topic already thoroughly discussed elsewhere in the community forums.  I just thought it might help to share and discuss different coping techniques because, surely, I'm not the only social introvert living in community.

I know this is an old post, but just wanted to say I relate a lot to it.

We can always learn things for betterment, if we permit ourselves to. While I am in fact never anything but introverted, I don't let that limit me in any way that I can see. I will still say things to another whenever and whatever I think is needful for that. Speaking up in a crowded room would be something different, but still not impossible, and I do discuss things with many at a time on some online sites. There are issues so important there needs to be communication on those things, with facts brought up. And certainly needs should be expressed.

Here's another interesting viewpoint - maybe even not just for introverts.

I'm an INTJ personality type, so I am naturally introverted, but I can and have engaged in socializing for work. I also feel that introverts are more "do it yourself" types versus those who ask for help. Just my 2 cents.

While I identify as a social introvert (ha! does one "identify" as this?!) I think I am also very much, or perhaps even more, an HSP.

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2022/apr/02/are-you-anxious-introverted-or-just-a-highly-sensitive-person

On being an introvert from Parkrose Permaculture in Portland, Oregon:

Douglas Alpenstock wrote:Playing an instrument well, such as a guitar, is a fine coping mechanism for introverts. In a crowded gathering, you can settle into a corner with a beverage, provide pleasant music for people, and fade in and out of conversations at your pleasure. Your live music creates the warp bubble that keeps people at a certain distance, because they can see you are fully engaged and yet not stand-offish or antisocial. On the contrary: people invite you back, and ask "will you bring your guitar?" Perfect.

I work as the Audio Visual technician on a 150m ship with 300 people on board. I have a built in excuse to ignore everyone during community gatherings.

I also don't eat in the dining room and have a few friends for whom introvert is not a noun but a verb. "What are you doing this afternoon? Introverting". I will probably emerge every other evening for games with up to around 5 others.

The only difference that I notice because of the covid rules (surgical ship), is that I wear a KN95 for most of the day. The maximum group sizes and social distancing don't affect me at all.

My constant desire to edit and re-edit my thoughts before I speak them makes conversation awkward and difficult at times. I was reassured when I read Isabel Myers' book on the subject of MBTI personality types, and found that in her theory, the mental function each introvert is best at, is naturally an introverted process, and the mental function each introvert is second-best at is the one that interacts with other people. Oh boy!

Myers likened our personalities' ordering of these top two mental functions to a general with his aide-de-camp. For extraverts, people communicating with them get to see the "general." With introverts, the people communicating with them have to see and get through to the general only by means of his less-powerful assistant. That made sense to me and put into perspective that it is very loud inside my head, although what other people hear from me in person isn't nearly so much.

paul wheaton wrote:surely, I am not the only one that feels this

When I saw the above image the other day, I nodded my head--and it's not because I don't want to express all that stuff that I don't--due to my temperament it's easier to communicate in writing than aloud, in the moment, when I can't ponder what I have expressed before expressing it.  

James Alun wrote:I work as the Audio Visual technician on a 150m ship with 300 people on board. I have a built in excuse to ignore everyone during community gatherings.

This was likely the only way I could personally cope with going to music events as much as I did, back in the day. Staffing and then running the sound board was a way to be just-close-enough to people without them being in your face constantly.

I also used to be a vocalist (singing and kazoo). Depending on what you do, being a performer is also a way to be around people, while keeping them at a distance. I like the earlier comment about bringing a guitar to events. That takes a lot of courage, I think. All of this does return to the "hamster ball" concept that kicked-off this thread, and I personally identify with that a lot.

One thing I might want to do some day is recruit a cadre of like-minded kazoo players, and maybe develop a "kazoo quartet." It's very useful for vocalists like me, plus it's odd enough of an instrument that people will both keep you at a distance but then stay close enough to hear it and listen to what songs you try to play with it - particularly if you have skills.

Love this.



Since I don't have pets, I might substitute plants, teas, foraging, or communing in the forest for my "sorry, but I have a meeting then" excuse.

Coping with social interaction.

Im a extroverted introvert.  So I do 'get' what everyone's saying on this thread.  Hey, you're doing a good job being YOU!!!  You can always chat me up if feel like it.