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Matchmaking.. why DONT they?

 
master pollinator
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Ok,  get personal with me here.  I sort of thought it was a thing for married couples to play matchmaker with their single/divorced friends and acquaintances..   but I've never had a SINGLE friend suggest or mention this to me.  Not even a hint of "oh you should meet my friend so-and-so..."  type comment.  Never even an ask if I'm "in the market" or what my dating/social status is currently!

Why not?   I'm apparently missing something.   I asked my ex if HE gets any of that and he said "all the time" even when he doesn't want it.   So..  it's still being done, lol.  Just not for/with/to/ me?   I'm feeling a bit insecure about it actually!    Talk me off the ledge,  throw me a bone,  make some suggestions about who people do this for?  
 
author & pollinator
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No one ever has for me, either.  I don't know why. All I can assume is that no one thinks I'm a match for anyone they know.
 
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It's simple.....a single friend will never want you to have a relationship because they want you to be single and lonely just like them....misery loves company
 
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In the almost 10 years of being single - NEVER has anyone played match maker.  Yes I have teasingly said things to married friends - co-workers - etc. Never had any problem before attracting guys!  It is like a barren dessert.  I have tried joining groups - clubs and nope not a hit or someone saying you need to meet what's his name!  Have I gotten so settled - I am 70 - or is it the guys in my age range have given up or died?  Where are the couples on this board - they need to list the single friends and see if some matching can be done!  I challenge someone to set up a board game to help singles meet some one.
 
pollinator
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Married people try to set people up because they assume everyone wants to be married. Single people don't make this assumption as often. And I would suspect that if your single friend likes someone they don't want to see you as competition.
 
gardener
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Could be lots of different factors involved.

One reason could be simply that many married people are in a different stage of life where most of their friends are married too.  I remember when my wife and I were first married it seemed like we were getting invited to weddings all the time.  Now it's a rare occasion - maybe one every 2-3 years.

Of course, they might also either not know that you want to be set up - or may be more polite than your ex's circle and not want to come across as nosy/pushy.

If that happens to be the case, and you'd like some leads, then it might be an idea to let them know that you're interested in their help. If you're a blunt sort you could just say it straight up, or if you'd be too embarrassed maybe drop some hints in conversations... like if you're chatting about some upcoming event, "I'd like to go to that, but I don't have a date."
 
Terry Wilson
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Oh I do, yes I do come out and ask co-workers, friends, and others. I ask do you have an uncle (most co-workers, people I know are any where from 10 to 25 years younger) cousin etc.  I have tried the dating sites - dated a guy from there until he stole money from me - I am not a church person, I do belong to a couple of bee clubs.  do not do the bar scene, have tried the dance clubs - they just seemed to want to "hook up" - yep your first thought was correct what that is.  I am not a purist, I have a masters, so am not a dummy.  I have aged fairly well for 70 and am not over weight, I have enough money to take care of myself fairly well.  So what gives?  I still dare some one to come up with some type of game to help the old fogies like me find their significant other.  Who is up to the challenge?
 
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I have planed outing in which I arranged for 2 people to meet without either of them knowing they were set up.  Both couples are married for over 20 years
 
Stacy Witscher
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I have to say that if anyone I knew wanted me to meet one of their friends, a dinner party is a perfect opportunity. I love dinner parties. No pressure, just friends introducing other friends to each other. Beautiful and if nothing else, you get a lovely evening out of it.
 
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Stacy Witscher wrote:I have to say that if anyone I knew wanted me to meet one of their friends, a dinner party is a perfect opportunity. I love dinner parties. No pressure, just friends introducing other friends to each other. Beautiful and if nothing else, you get a lovely evening out of it.



I agree this is a great way to meet people, but it's fallen out of fashion in most circles. I do remember my parents having a lot of dinner parties, and sometimes inviting divorced friends in the hopes that they would hit it off.
 
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What's really disheartening is reading the reviews for professional matchmakers.
 
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Heather Staas wrote:  but I've never had a SINGLE friend suggest or mention this to me.    



I think this has caused some confusion - Heather did you mean "not a SINGLE one of my married friends has ever tried matchmaking" or "none of my SINGLE friends"?

If the former, I can only suggest maybe we should be more open about the fact that we are open to finding someone.  I recently said something to my team leader that made him say "oh, I didn't realise you were in the market for a person" and I've known him nearly two years.
 
Heather Staas
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ROFLOL,  thank you for that.   I was wondering where I went wrong and DUH, yeah, that clears it up.   I meant "not a single one" of my friends..  as in "none"  ;)
 
pollinator
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Heather, I have female friends that I care about.  I would never try to fix them up with anyone for two reasons, both having nothing to do with the female.  1, I would feel like I'm sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong, and 2, if it doesn't work out, or works out for a while and then ends badly, it puts me in a weird position.  For those reasons, I stay out of all this.  Please don't take it personally, it probably has nothing at all to do with you.
 
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Oh Heather,

This post here brought up some feelings. I used to wonder the same thing. Do my family/friends not think I'm a good candidate for their single male family/friends? Am I not dateable? With your ex saying it happens for him, maybe it is sexism. I am over 50 and have stopped considering "my circle" as a source of finding a perspective match. I'd love to find a match here on permies, but don't see too much success among those posting here.

Just in case some nice man is reading this. SBF, 56 y/o, wants to live in roughly in NC area for homestead(ish) life.

Blessings For Suitable Matchups For Us All,

Jewel
 
master steward
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Probably the main reason I would never play a matchmaker is that I would feel that would be a reflection on me.

I was the same way with recommending someone for a job.

Maybe in the back of my mind would be that my best friend might get mad at me for fixing her up with a loser.
 
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