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Networking to meet people?

 
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OK, so there's a problem with trying to meet other people who live off grid, or who want to live off grid.  We tend to be busy doing our own thing a lot of the time.  I know I spend most of my time working on my property.  I, like a lot of people, have posted a personal ad on here with limited response.  There just aren't enough interactions to have a good statistical chance of meeting the right person.

So, I was thinking.  (I know... thinking is dangerous, and I should cut down).  Maybe we can do something where we help each other connect with the right kind of person.  Like, read each other's ad's and see if we can come up with someone we know who might fit.  It could be a lot more successful than posting something and hoping that special person happens to see it.  Frankly, I think the lady I'm looking for doesn't spend much time online.  Maybe we can make it a game, and have some kind of incentive.  Hell, I'd happily pay someone if they introduced me to someone who became a big part of my life.

Meeting someone who is loyal, enjoys working toward goals, and wants a family is just difficult these days, and personal relationships are important.  What do you guy's think?  There's gotta be a solution.



 
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That sounds like a good idea to me. I've thought the same thing at times throughout my life.
I've even asked friends, on numerous occasions, if they "know anyone that would be a good fit for me". They have mostly said "no" (which seems like a statistical improbability).
 
Jaimie Mantzel
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Xyon Orion wrote:That sounds like a good idea to me. I've thought the same thing at times throughout my life.
I've even asked friends, on numerous occasions, if they "know anyone that would be a good fit for me". They have mostly said "no" (which seems like a statistical improbability).



Yeah, I'm starting to think there's gotta be a way to make a dating site, or app that incentivizes people to set each other up.  I have some coding experience, and I have a super nerdy coder friend who's been looking for a good project.  Hmmm...
 
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what a refreshing post...There are few people where I live (off grid) and  I don't spend time online, I don't use social media... not social avoidance, more that I don't find it really connects,.  Maybe I'm 50% introvert, 50% extrovert... I need my own time space but also want to start something communal and with a Soul partner.  Online dating doesn't work and I agree that most off grid are busy doing their work/building/chores and the others seem to prefer isolation.  I plan on starting something in my area where those who want connections can meet, collaborate, etc. My last relationship ended about 6 months ago and I think it prepared me for the partnership I want, but that means actually meeting the next person, and it's not any of the few men I know here at the local post office, gas station, or hardware store.... and I'm not moving to be a permie partner at someone elses place, I have a spot that I love that I will develop, so alas... thanks for you candor and quip, in solidarity... Ceres.  
 
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Well I would rather just call a kettle a kettle..  I have the resources to do my own thing. But, have looked into and tried to speak to those that claim they are looking for a partner or merely looking for help.   Those I have tried to speak with are those I thought I would be a good fit.  In fact a few of the contacts were to me. Then they don't carry thru with any type of interaction (email, text, phone calls); even though they claim that is what they want.  So back to that kettle, the single females here are not serious, it's more that they like the {idea}; of having good man.
I'd even say they toy with the idea (experience). And those who are looking for help starting a homestead or getting it on the right track, want to offer someone a place to stay rent free? That's it?  Where's the incentive?  Stay rent free until a person says or does something the owner doesn't like and boots you out? As if people get along..  
    Because my thoughts were that if I could find a lady that has property, and ready to go.  I have funds to move it ahead. Same as a home stead help.  But noone is real on the subjects...  So the idea sounds good on paper, but the end results will be the same..
 
Xyon Orion
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Jaimie Mantzel wrote:

Xyon Orion wrote:That sounds like a good idea to me. I've thought the same thing at times throughout my life.
I've even asked friends, on numerous occasions, if they "know anyone that would be a good fit for me". They have mostly said "no" (which seems like a statistical improbability).



Yeah, I'm starting to think there's gotta be a way to make a dating site, or app that incentivizes people to set each other up.  I have some coding experience, and I have a super nerdy coder friend who's been looking for a good project.  Hmmm...




I would join if you and your friend made it. But you may not make any money from it in general (or maybe so little that it isn't worth charging) due to people trying to save as much of it as possible.
"Swiping" has ruined dating to such a noticeable degree online that it deters me from using outlets like that that use that 'method'.

People have lost the ability in the last decade or so to actually meet in person, and they have little to no conversational skill and are scared of everything to do with another person. I've even noticed that people don't really look at you at all when they're speaking to you. And they sometimes do it from a physical distance. Like they can't be bothered or its too much effort for them.
Most people nowadays are a bit (if not more) broken socially.
 
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Well I would get on probably. What I find the most challenging is that I am a very diverse gal, there are  many things I do not know  but many many things I am very good at,  I wear many hats and am super useful and love the homesteading type self sufficient lifestyle. My kids are grown now and I have gotten stuck in a tiny town working a "job". LOL. I do not like town but atleast it is small. My goals are set and I am manifesting my life as we speak which also brought me here. Finding like minded, holistic, high vibrational people that are true to the heart and honest good people seems a huge challenge. Now we have all the BS going on and we have to watch out for ones that have gotten jabbed and have fallen for the naratives (always been there just worse now).......I could go on, anyway, you got my vote I suppose.
 
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Internet networking for help is tricky enough.. I wouldn’t even consider attempting a romantic connection online. People are so flaky these days, and the absence of manners and traditional communication protocols is disheartening. I don’t know if it’s what I like to call the “digital disconnect”, but I have to wonder about the sincerity of anyone that initiates an exchange. Almost every single one drops out mid exchange with no explanation. Replies go unanswered, resulting in a feeling that it is just bored people fantasizing and LARPing, with no consideration of my time and efforts. Maybe even AI bots? Who knows, but it is bizarre.
 
Ted Abbey
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..and to clarify on the “digital disconnect”, a perfect example is cell phones. People live with their phones 24/7 for the most part, (not all, but most) but constantly ignore incoming calls, allowing it to go to voicemail. Pondering the psychological aspect of this, I think the devices have become an electronic gatekeeper, and this behavior allows the user a feeling of control in the power process.. in a life where they subconsciously or otherwise feel quite powerless. I don’t know.. but it’s a bummer.
 
Laurie Dawson
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Ted I agree with much of what you say, these are more challenging days it seems.
 
Ted Abbey
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Laurie Dawson wrote:Ted I agree with much of what you say, these are more challenging days it seems.



Thanks Laurie, and I’m sure we are not the only ones to notice. The greatest danger is that everyone and everything is so connected and dependent on the spiderweb, that in the event of an outage or collapse, there will be a catastrophic social paralysis while they stare at their screens waiting for service to be restored. Truly dystopian..
 
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The digital disconnect is frustrating, and I find that it is getting worse. It is not a positive experience when you meet someone online and spend considerable time chatting, only to be ghosted. Catfishing and scams are too prevalent.

Online dating is similar to shopping on a website, but a human is too complex to be accurately represented in a profile.  Dating requires evaluating chemistry between two people, discovering a person’s true personality, and interacting to determine compatibility; “subjective” qualities cannot be accurately addressed online, and some searchers are quick to skip over people that don’t meet their “objective” desires.  

I sometimes chuckle when I read certain complaints from people not being able to find someone online or being treated poorly by someone they had shown interest in.  The funny complaints come from people who most often seem to choose to interact with someone based on looks and successes alone (which can be misrepresented), but do not expect the chosen “candidate” to be as shallow.  

So, how do we tackle the disconnect?  I think we should try to use digital resources to plan and announce in-person interactions. Organize socials for single permies to interact?  Develop a website or app to announce meet-ups or activities for singles?  The site/app can also have profiles and attendance lists for the activities so you can see if someone you might like to meet will be there, but will not necessarily promote digital-only interactions. Maybe we can set up a few singles camps or events in various locations/regions that allow people to share and learn from each other at the same time?  A win/win!
 
Chris Richardson
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Ted I have to agree.  When things collapse and they will,just at what degree?  People will be left not knowing what to do.  Including alot of homesteaders, that I have met. Many which depend on the internet to help them when they run into a problem.  Due to lack of personal connections.  As far as date sites, 51 here and not interested in the modern day meat market.  What happened to meeting at the grocery or feed store?  Or here's a better one--why don't people just state their intentions and (mind blower🤯); carry thru?  From my perspective, it's mere fact that somewhere down the line some wires got crossed.
Don't get me wrong, a self sufficient strong female is a very good thing.  But when women have reach a certain age range and depended on themselves for too long. She really has no place for a man (other than in her thoughts).  I say this due to what it means to a woman when a man comes into her life. Alot of her control is gone (in her mind); being submissive is negative.. and Men reach a certain age it's the same result. Only a man is not a social being by nature and learns thru his life that there is only himself to depend upon.  It's A double edged sword.  But Facts Are facts
People need to respect each others time, and motivations. That's is the talking stage. Talk To Me long enough, and I will know if your blowin hot wind or not. Pick up a tool, any tool and I'll know in seconds if you know what your doing.. life has purpose,and people have lost it--other than self sustainability.  🤯 That isn't living....
 
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The forum, Permies, is a great place to do networking to meet people.

There are a lot of different forum to ask questions to get to know someone.

What are your interests?

Do you like gardening?

https://permies.com/c/growies

Woodworking?

https://permies.com/f/133/woodworking

Cooking?

https://permies.com/c/kitchen

Have you seen this thread?

https://permies.com/wiki/153784/Meeting-special-values-similar-permaculture

Anyway, there are a lot of safe places to get to know the other folks on the forum.
 
Laurie Dawson
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Interesting Chris, AS single people, man or woman spend more and more time alone, especially if we are older, it does get more difficult to share space and life (maybe?). Many of us live in extremely small communities though and one might never just "meet up" with someone at a store or what not. It isn't happening, people are so busy just trying to get by. I don't have an answer to all this. What I do know that many people (me included) do not want or have time for bullshit, lies, fakes, etc. WE want a holistic loving relationship with a like minded person who is a vibrational match with enough commonalities to enjoy life together. It isn't about control at all, it is about coming together, working on our passions together and building a life we both enjoy, with full support for each other. It CAN happen and has for many, so I will continue to manifest my dreams knowing they are on the way.
 
Jodie Tinker
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Chris,
I don’t know about all single older women, but here’s my experience and view about women wanting control:

I’ve been divorced for three and a half years and love my independence.  My view comes from being trapped in a bad marriage for so long, and the independence has been a healing journey.  I waited two years after the initial separation before I was ready to start looking again.

At first, I actually wanted a relationship where I had more control. I did not want the Biblical model of being a submissive wife to a man.  Over the last few years and after a lot of research and prayer, I’ve come to terms with the roles God gave men and women.  I don’t look at submission as being subservient or being treated as beneath a man anymore.  Being submissive to a husband is respecting him and allowing him to lead.  It doesn’t mean staying in the kitchen and being a slave to his every need. Being submissive requires a woman to trust her husband. Without trust, there is no respect.  That’s where I had issues.  A woman, after being hurt and mistreated by a man, would rather stay in control than be vulnerable again.  Being in control would have let me feel more secure in a relationship and would have insured I felt respected.  I now know that if I can find a man to whom I can whole-heartedly trust, I can let my walls down and trust him to lead.  That man would have to be worthy of my submission.  

That is my experience and view. However, I know after being single for an extended time and growing older, people get set in their ways, both women and men.  Some women may love to shop, are even avid about it, and do not wish to give up excessive shopping to appease a frugal husband.  Some single men may spend a lot of time with the boys at a hunt club and do not wish to give some time up to appease a husband-deprived wife.  People MUST realize a good relationship requires compromise. Sometimes people choose having control over having a relationship.

I’m sorry I got off topic, I just felt I needed to address the women and control issue. I see it brought up a lot by men.  Sometimes women wanting control is a response to treatment by men.  Both men and women need more respect for each other, give and get.
 
pollinator
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Chris Richardson wrote:Well I would rather just call a kettle a kettle..  I have the resources to do my own thing. But, have looked into and tried to speak to those that claim they are looking for a partner or merely looking for help.   Those I have tried to speak with are those I thought I would be a good fit.  In fact a few of the contacts were to me. Then they don't carry thru with any type of interaction (email, text, phone calls); even though they claim that is what they want.  So back to that kettle, the single females here are not serious, it's more that they like the {idea}; of having good man.
I'd even say they toy with the idea (experience). And those who are looking for help starting a homestead or getting it on the right track, want to offer someone a place to stay rent free? That's it?  Where's the incentive?  Stay rent free until a person says or does something the owner doesn't like and boots you out? As if people get along..  
    Because my thoughts were that if I could find a lady that has property, and ready to go.  I have funds to move it ahead. Same as a home stead help.  But noone is real on the subjects...  So the idea sounds good on paper, but the end results will be the same..



Ever considered it might be because of reasons other than that they aren't serious?
 
pollinator
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Goodness, so many naysayers and cliches about what people do and don't want,  what they will and won't do!  

Hey,  if someone makes this I'll sign up.   I'll give it an honest shot and see how it goes.   Worse case,  nothing happens, nothing lost.  Best case,  people meet people and make friends!  I've had my heart broken but not my spirit and my optimism.   Lots of options haven't been a good fit for me personally  but that doesn't stop me from looking for new ideas and trying new things.

Someone recently said to me "you meet who you love doing what you love"  so yeah,  permaculture connections and more options for finding people sounds GREAT to me.  Unfortunately for me my main hobbies to date  have been female dominated lol.
 
Bethany Dutch
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Heather Staas wrote:Goodness, so many naysayers and cliches about what people do and don't want,  what they will and won't do!  

Hey,  if someone makes this I'll sign up.   I'll give it an honest shot and see how it goes.   Worse case,  nothing happens, nothing lost.  Best case,  people meet people and make friends!  I've had my heart broken but not my spirit and my optimism.   Lots of options haven't been a good fit for me personally  but that doesn't stop me from looking for new ideas and trying new things.

Someone recently said to me "you meet who you love doing what you love"  so yeah,  permaculture connections and more options for finding people sounds GREAT to me.  Unfortunately for me my main hobbies to date  have been female dominated lol.



I agree, it does sound great! I wonder if maybe in today's day and age we just need to be more intentional about setting up opportunity to make connections. I think it is SO difficult to make connections online.

I've been a part of the primitive skills community for a few years and every time I go to a gathering I feel like I wished there was something like that JUST for singles. Which, yes, I think would be somewhat unfair and would definitely limit the scope of it, but wouldn't it be so wonderful to have like a weekend or even week-long camp out where you could learn homesteading, primitive, permaculture, etc type skills and surround yourself with available likeminded single folks while you're at it? I feel like THAT would be such a primo way to do it.
 
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Jaimie Mantzel wrote:

Xyon Orion wrote:That sounds like a good idea to me. I've thought the same thing at times throughout my life.
I've even asked friends, on numerous occasions, if they "know anyone that would be a good fit for me". They have mostly said "no" (which seems like a statistical improbability).



Yeah, I'm starting to think there's gotta be a way to make a dating site, or app that incentivizes people to set each other up.  I have some coding experience, and I have a super nerdy coder friend who's been looking for a good project.  Hmmm...



I created one that's growing relatively fast. It took a lot of work in the beginning to grow to were it is now. Still not where I want it, but it feels good every time someone deletes their account, because they found someone on the site.
 
Nicolas Keeton
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Xyon Orion wrote:

Jaimie Mantzel wrote:

Xyon Orion wrote:That sounds like a good idea to me. I've thought the same thing at times throughout my life.
I've even asked friends, on numerous occasions, if they "know anyone that would be a good fit for me". They have mostly said "no" (which seems like a statistical improbability).



Yeah, I'm starting to think there's gotta be a way to make a dating site, or app that incentivizes people to set each other up.  I have some coding experience, and I have a super nerdy coder friend who's been looking for a good project.  Hmmm...




I would join if you and your friend made it. But you may not make any money from it in general (or maybe so little that it isn't worth charging) due to people trying to save as much of it as possible.
"Swiping" has ruined dating to such a noticeable degree online that it deters me from using outlets like that that use that 'method'.

People have lost the ability in the last decade or so to actually meet in person, and they have little to no conversational skill and are scared of everything to do with another person. I've even noticed that people don't really look at you at all when they're speaking to you. And they sometimes do it from a physical distance. Like they can't be bothered or its too much effort for them.
Most people nowadays are a bit (if not more) broken socially.



1) The problem with not charging at all on a dating site would be the developer/owner is stuck with all the cost. A lot of the users are unaware of the cost it takes to run a site, which why I've seen multiple other offgrid dating sites fail after hitting limits on the free tier. I took a slightly different approach on monetization and so far it seems to be working well.

2) The swiping culture is one of the things I hated. All it takes is one bad first photo and you could easily have missed a great connection versus the old school way, where you were allowed to send an intro message.
 
Laurie Dawson
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singles events with like minded sound great and that would work for those who are close enough to events locations. Many of us are far away from the main stream and large populations and wouldn't make it to the events, don't know what the answers are honestly. We have so many things to consider anymore too, just keep plugging along and manifesting the dream it is for me.
 
Anne Miller
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Heather and Laurie,

Why not create an event?

Get a group together to meet at a coffee shop or ask at the library for permission to discuss something that is of interest to you.

A recent book, a movie or gardening.

A farmers' market could be a great place (event) to meet folks.

Flea Market, too.

 
Heather Staas
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Oh yes, already actively doing that here "irl."   Belong to several communities, meet up groups, volunteer lists, where I both participate in, suggest,  and organize events.

But also wanted to be supportive and encourage folks here with OTHER (tech) skills to create things as well, and I'll happily participate there as well.    Not sure why anyone would assume that encouraging and being optimistic about peoples thoughts and ideas to develop new options equals sitting around waiting for someone else to do something ;)
 
Xyon Orion
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Nicolas Keeton wrote:

Xyon Orion wrote:

Jaimie Mantzel wrote:

Xyon Orion wrote:That sounds like a good idea to me. I've thought the same thing at times throughout my life.
I've even asked friends, on numerous occasions, if they "know anyone that would be a good fit for me". They have mostly said "no" (which seems like a statistical improbability).



Yeah, I'm starting to think there's gotta be a way to make a dating site, or app that incentivizes people to set each other up.  I have some coding experience, and I have a super nerdy coder friend who's been looking for a good project.  Hmmm...




I would join if you and your friend made it. But you may not make any money from it in general (or maybe so little that it isn't worth charging) due to people trying to save as much of it as possible.
"Swiping" has ruined dating to such a noticeable degree online that it deters me from using outlets like that that use that 'method'.

People have lost the ability in the last decade or so to actually meet in person, and they have little to no conversational skill and are scared of everything to do with another person. I've even noticed that people don't really look at you at all when they're speaking to you. And they sometimes do it from a physical distance. Like they can't be bothered or its too much effort for them.
Most people nowadays are a bit (if not more) broken socially.



1) The problem with not charging at all on a dating site would be the developer/owner is stuck with all the cost. A lot of the users are unaware of the cost it takes to run a site, which why I've seen multiple other offgrid dating sites fail after hitting limits on the free tier. I took a slightly different approach on monetization and so far it seems to be working well.

2) The swiping culture is one of the things I hated. All it takes is one bad first photo and you could easily have missed a great connection versus the old school way, where you were allowed to send an intro message.



I understand what you're saying about the cost. But we are all trying to not spend if we don't have to, for numerous reasons. Most are trying to save in order to begin this sort of lifestyle, while others are trying to save in case they need it if they're already 'living the dream', as it were.

I've joined dating sites in the past that were free. They were really good (although not geared towards anything permaculture). But when they started taking away the things that used to be free and started charging people for them, a lot of people got pissed and complained, with the admins of the sites not caring too much about it.
I've joined GreenSingles.com a while ago. The two times I caved and paid to talk to a potential someone they weren't real. They were fake accounts that eventually got flagged and taken down. Before cancelling the second time, one other person I tried speaking with said that they didn't "want to live in a hut". My profile said nothing about huts in any way.
A lot of people's expectations are unrealistically high. They want instant paradise and gratification, and they want someone who already has it all done so they can just "move-in" and have that person just start teaching them everything, which is not reality. It may happen for them, but the percentage is not that high.

So while cost is a factor to take under consideration, the scammers and fakes make it a deterrent in choosing whether or not to bother paying. Other sites have hoards of fakes too but I've abandoned the idea of bothering with them due to all of this.

If one of you fine folks makes a quality outlet for finding someone, or have already, I'm open to taking a look at it, and welcome the chance to change my mind.
 
Heather Staas
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Folks are impatient too, lol.   I get messaged on dating sites at like 8pm and if I don't respond by 10pm,  they delete the mssg and block me.    I only check the site 3x a week from my office computer,  I don't use it on a phone with constant "on call" alerts.   For the most part I'm unplugged at home.  I'm not really part of the whole "phone in the hand 24/7 need immediate contact" cultural thing.   It's foreign to me.  I've explained and immediately been called a liar, oh boy.    I think we all could model integrity and patience and good will a bit more!    The lack of optimism and faith is so sad!
 
Xyon Orion
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Heather Staas wrote:
Folks are impatient too, lol.   I get messaged on dating sites at like 8pm and if I don't respond by 10pm,  they delete the mssg and block me.    I only check the site 3x a week from my office computer,  I don't use it on a phone with constant "on call" alerts.   For the most part I'm unplugged at home.  I'm not really part of the whole "phone in the hand 24/7 need immediate contact" cultural thing.   It's foreign to me.  I've explained and immediately been called a liar, oh boy.    I think we all could model integrity and patience and good will a bit more!    The lack of optimism and faith is so sad!



They really are. If things are not done the exact way they've created in their imagination then they turn into weirdos. Why they can't live in reality is beyond me. Thinking is too hard for a lot of people lately.
I'm sure you've gone into some stores and wonder how the hell some of them actually got the job in the first place, with the way they act and speak to customers.

I'm on the same page as you when it comes to technology. I hate that I reply on my device/phone, even for the things that I have to.
I don't know how old you are, but I remember when both the phone and computer were at home only, and you had to go out to meet-up with someone, and talk on the phone when it was desired. Back when people actually spoke to one another. Recent times...they're a mess.

Yes, I agree. Integrity and patience are quickly disappearing. It really does makes me sad. And not too hopeful for the future of society.
 
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I would be interested in this. Meetups would be a great idea I think. How do we make something like this happen?
 
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Jaimie Mantzel wrote:OK, so there's a problem with trying to meet other people who live off grid, or who want to live off grid.  We tend to be busy doing our own thing a lot of the time.  I know I spend most of my time working on my property.  I, like a lot of people, have posted a personal ad on here with limited response.  There just aren't enough interactions to have a good statistical chance of meeting the right person.

So, I was thinking.  (I know... thinking is dangerous, and I should cut down).  Maybe we can do something where we help each other connect with the right kind of person.  Like, read each other's ad's and see if we can come up with someone we know who might fit.  It could be a lot more successful than posting something and hoping that special person happens to see it.  Frankly, I think the lady I'm looking for doesn't spend much time online.  Maybe we can make it a game, and have some kind of incentive.  Hell, I'd happily pay someone if they introduced me to someone who became a big part of my life.

Meeting someone who is loyal, enjoys working toward goals, and wants a family is just difficult these days, and personal relationships are important.  What do you guy's think?  There's gotta be a solution.




We need a form of dating that is not dating.
the shopping mindset narrows peoples search drastically. When you meet someone in real life, you know you like them, and you get to learn about them from there, you get to see why they are the way they are, and you humanize.

When you fall in love with someone different, you empathize and understand things you couldnt before.
There is a really beautiful quote I found that states that perfectly:

"Being alone taught me how to love myself, being with her taught me how to start loving the world."

Ive lived enough to know it to be true

 
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Katie Turner wrote:I would be interested in this. Meetups would be a great idea I think. How do we make something like this happen?



     There are apps like the meet up app that would probably be a good place to start. I just don't think there's a large group of people like the ones found here. Hopefully the future will bring more people like us found here together so we can network and make connections.
 
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its a very valid point! It also seems that not many compared to last year are interested in going offgrid. I am newly on a search due to previous plans failing, I am based in Mexico
 
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It has definitely been an experience meeting people on line either for relationship or hiring help. I explain in detail how my property is 100% off grid and I do not have any form of electricity or running water. People still show up and get upset when they can't hook up a camper or plug in a hair dryer.  Lol. One guy moved out here to help on the property and argued that I'm not off grid that I'm living primitive-ly. Can't completely argue with that. LOL.
I guess what I'm trying to say is cool idea wish I actually knew people other than myself that wants to live this way. It'll be interesting if you find something like this works. Good luck and I look forward to seeing you idea in the near future.
 
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Best Wishes Everyone.  I'm inclined to rant and I'm going to rest instead.  I welcome friendship.  I need it.
 
What do you have in that there bucket? It wouldn't be a tiny ad by any chance ...
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