Ever feel like giving up?

Howdy Fellow Permies,

Be it a broke down tractor, a broken finger, even a down tree on your new fence, maybe even a smidge of a broken heart. How do you inspire yourself to keep going when everything goes wrong at one time. I'm a little broke down and a lot of disgusted. I keep telling myself this is my dream, not was my dream.  It seems like each small step forward is met with a major setback. I try to met each goal with fortitude and determination and faith for the truly impossible needs, but I am depleted.

I guess this is kind of just a rant, and recognizing Permies as a source of hope out here in the middle of nowhere. I often fall asleep at night scrolling through each of your posts on topics that are of interest or entertaining, and find a lot of ideas and inspiration in your stories and accomplishments.

Thank you fellow Permies, I look forward to your responses.

I think you are on the right path to not giving up, reaching out to others is the best way get back on your feet. If you can take a break from the situation your mind will keep working on a solution to find a way forward before you know it.And if it is hard to get some distance from the trouble and a way forward isntpossible, keep in mind that even after physical and love losses you will always benefit spiritually from facing the challenge and doing your best.

I believe in the power of positive thinking.

The book by that name by Norman Vincent Peale is where I learned how to achieve this goal.

Years ago when negativity tried to rear its ugly head, I usually drove out to a pretty place and just walked around admiring what Mother Nature has accomplished.

I live out in the middle of nowhere, too.

Here is a great thread that you or others might find interesting:

https://permies.com/t/94296/Positive-Aspects-Rural-Living

Yes, I often feel like giving up when I get overwhelmed or things keep going wrong. I find myself asking "why did I ever bother doing this in the first place? Why did I leave the easy life I had to do this insanity? Maybe I should go back to the easy life?" Surely this is common among people trying to make the transition from urban decadence to rural self-reliance.

This is what always snaps me out of it - I take a break from what I'm doing to catch my breath and think things through. I ask if the problems I'm having are really so bad, and if there isn't a better approach to solving them. I try to just observe for a while, to take things in so I might see them in a different light.

In doing so, I realize how amazing my life really is, and that I'd never want to go back to the way I used to live. Yes, there's still so much hard work ahead of me, but dammit that's the whole point! All life is meant to struggle, so partaking in that struggle is how we know we're alive. We should be thankful for being alive and well enough to work hard. Think to the times you were laying in bed with a bad flu, would you rather be doing that?

It's only important that we take time to have a break every now and then to recover, and to appreciate what we may be taking for granted. And accept when we don't get everything done that we want to, but being will to come back and try again.

I've moved 40+ buildings from 6 counties in N. Ohio, to our farm. They are now arranged as a village. If I had ever thought about doing all this work, when I began, I never would have done it. The trick is to not think about all you have to do. Just think about the next thing to do. ~~Pound this next nail, not think about pounding the next 10,000 nails.

So, forget about the tractor, go fix the fence. Then the fence is done.  Next, don't dwell on the issues of the heart, fix the tractor. Each thing in turn. Then it's Fall, and firewood time. Then it's Winter, and time to shovel. Then Spring again, and plant the garden. Things get done. Eventually. Just don't be in a (city) rush. --That's the way of farm life.

Brooke Sta, I strongly believe that nothing easy is worthwhile.  For years I would say that "If it were nt for bad luck I'd have no luck at all".  It is for these reasons I named my homestead "Persistence Farms".  Only those who persist can farm.  I've seen people homestead for a while and give up when it gets hard or something goes wrong and I feel sorry for them. Its people like you and me who  learn from their mistakes and bad luck and keep plugging along that I respect.  

One mistake I made early on was to try to do everything, and do them on the cheap. That leads to heartache.  I tried raising chickens in flimsy chicken coops only to loose the flock to predators, pigs and goats  with poor perimeter fencing only for them to escape onto neighbouring properties, and cow calf operation with no way to keep bull away from cows only to have calves be born and die in January, plant a huge garden only for it to be over run with weeds.  What I have learnt through bitter experience is to only do what I have time for and what I have proper infrastructure for and slowly work towards my next goal on the farm.  I call this my no effing around  farming. I am not as self sufficient as I would like but happier.

Bottom line is if you don't give up you may get there. If you give up you never will.

I give up on ideas, techniques, and tools that don't work to my liking. Thankfully I was gifted with a creative brain that constantly mulls over new ways to approach things so this doesn't really set me back but rather refines my practices to be easier and more efficient over time. As with anything, the people of the true highest caliber of skill level make their tasks look easy. A great quote once told to me goes, "If you're ripe you're rotting, and if your green you're growing". To me being ripe is to think you've figured it all out and have no more growth left in terms of learning. Even giving up to hardships is a bit of ripe move, it suggests you know exactly how hard it will be to get things right again but there are likely many fantastic ideas to make things easy that haven't been thought of yet. I'd switch the attitude from giving up to brain storming personally.

Jim Fry wrote:The trick is to not think about all you have to do. Just think about the next thing to do.

Yes Grass Hopper- Every great journey begins with the first step.

And, Sometimes it is the unexpected journey that leads us to the most profound destinations.

Zeus forero wrote:I think you are on the right path to not giving up, reaching out to others is the best way get back on your feet.

Thank you, Zeus. I did take some time today nursing my finger to reach out for inspiration an Permies has not disappointed me yet.

Anne Miller wrote:I believe in the power of positive thinking.

Thank you Anne, I believe in positive thinking as well and things in my area are lush and green for now. Spring is my favorite time of year, with all the critters excited for what is to come. I'm just going to have to let it go for a while, I'm just a little concerned that all my forward progress will backslide and I'll have to start from scratch. The positive aspects of rural living thread was lovely. I can see the Milky Way here and Gene Autry said it best "the stars at night are big and bright, deep in the heart of Texas." Thank you for sharing.

Nate Davis wrote:I find myself asking "why did I ever bother doing this in the first place? Why did I leave the easy life I had to do this insanity? Maybe I should go back to the easy life?"

I have been asking myself this more and more frequently. You're right tho, the struggle is the reward, the opportunity to achieve. As a woman, I've spent the past year building my comfortable nest and mostly ignoring the encroaching wilderness of acres. I wanted this land and it is my dream, it's just a lot to bite off and every turn seems to be an insurmountable obstacle. I'm tapped out, feeling defeated and missing my family in coastal NC. I did a lot with 1/4 acre back home. I'm sure a year from now I'll look around and see more to do but feel accomplished in what I've done.

Jim Fry wrote:I've moved 40+ buildings from 6 counties in N. Ohio, to our farm. They are now arranged as a village. If I had ever thought about doing all this work, when I began, I never would have done it. The trick is to not think about all you have to do. Just think about the next thing to do. ~~Pound this next nail, not think about pounding the next 10,000 nails.

You must have big muscles moving all those buildings. The fence is harder than it sounds, it need the broken tractor to pull it off the fence. It's still in the ground and mostly alive. I was thinking of colonizing with mushroom plugs in a sort of totem fashion, but the last monsoon proved as the ground softens it will simply fall harder and crush my fence. I agree tho, you can eat the whole world one bite at a time. Thank you for responding.

Brooke Sta wrote:Howdy Fellow Permies,

Be it a broke down tractor, a broken finger, even a down tree on your new fence, maybe even a smidge of a broken heart. How do you inspire yourself to keep going when everything goes wrong at one time. I'm a little broke down and a lot of disgusted. I keep telling myself this is my dream, not was my dream.  It seems like each small step forward is met with a major setback. I try to met each goal with fortitude and determination and faith for the truly impossible needs, but I am depleted.

I guess this is kind of just a rant, and recognizing Permies as a source of hope out here in the middle of nowhere. I often fall asleep at night scrolling through each of your posts on topics that are of interest or entertaining, and find a lot of ideas and inspiration in your stories and accomplishments.

Thank you fellow Permies, I look forward to your responses.

I encourage you to read my post here   https://permies.com/t/249496/World-Homestead#2319864  and then please tell me if your thoughts on giving up change any.

Jeff Marchand wrote: It is for these reasons I named my homestead "Persistence Farms".  Only those who persist can farm.    

What I have learnt through bitter experience is to only do what I have time for and what I have proper infrastructure for and slowly work towards my next goal on the farm.  I call this my no effing around  farming. I am not as self sufficient as I would like but happier.

Bottom line is if you don't give up you may get there. If you give up you never will.

Thanks, Jeff. I like the name. I consider myself, she who persisted. I think you're right, I'm trying to do too much, too fast. I have been taking my time with my projects and trying to make intentional projects with lasting benefits. It's just the things I want to work on aren't necessarily what I need to work on. I love my critters and garden but have an ugly drainage issue that only surfaces two months a when we have heavy rains. I would also like to profess my disdain for recovering garden space from Bermuda. Don't worry I won't give up! I really do appreciate your encouragement in my pity party.

George Booth wrote: A great quote once told to me goes, "If you're ripe you're rotting, and if your green you're growing". To me being ripe is to think you've figured it all out and have no more growth left in terms of learning. Even giving up to hardships is a bit of ripe move, it suggests you know exactly how hard it will be to get things right again but there are likely many fantastic ideas to make things easy that haven't been thought of yet.

I really like that quote and would also like to think of myself as green and still growing. This land teaches me something new every day. I have a beautiful moth collection. I always wonder which caterpillar makes what winged beauty. It's important to take the time to enjoy the things that make county living wonderful and not get lost in all the chores. I'm just worried a week or two of not weeding will mean my garden is lost to the bermuda. But I do have a better plan for next year or this year's fall garden thanks to all the great Permie posts. Thank you for the quote, George.

Brooke. you don't really need equipment to remove the tree. You just need to make the tree into small pieces. That's why God invented chain saws.

You don't necessarily need to buy a new one. Look on craigs list and Facebook Marketplace. Or garage sales. One time I stopped at a sale and found a saw. The guy said it was no good and didn't cut much. I kept my mouth shut (for once) and paid the 10 bucks and took the saw home. Then reversed the chain. He had it on backwards. Saw ran great. So, you never know. Sometimes fortune smiles.

There are times to give up, and things to give up on, and those things I feel are best treated as separate. Times to give up are when you’re stressed, you have negative emotions, and you aren’t in danger.

Oftentimes when we feel that everything is pointless, I do find it beneficial to give up. The joke is that oftentimes even when you do give up, that giving up gives us the rest and nourishment we need to regain our clarity, joy, and energy. For example, if I am spinning and the spindle keeps dropping again and again, I lose spoons (https://permies.com/t/48536/spoon-theory) and if I were to persist mechanically (which I don’t do), then I would drop the spindle even more often and then break the spindle, give up on earth, life, and everything and throw myself facedown on the ground. Then after twenty minutes like that I would go and pick some wild greens. Although this is not likely to happen because I generally know when to take a break from such activities to avoid hurting myself.

Giving up on something definitively, on the other hand, I find is best done in a calm and equanimous state of mind. In October, when I had an experience of deep clarity and serenity, (not to sound overly dramatic) I suddenly understood myself and the cyclical nature of existence, and realized essentially what in my life was worth persisting at, and what wasn’t.  

In some cases it can take weeks or months or even years to reach this state of calm. For me it took a few months—nearly but not quite a year—of somewhat regular meditation practice to reach that point, but you don’t need a moment of cosmic consciousness to be able to make a reasonable and sustainable decision on whether to continue doing something or not.

There is so much restlessness and background anxiety that builds up from consistent and repeated stress on the person, and it is not going to go away quickly. The best we can do is to understand it for what it is, understand that restlessness and anxiety will occur whether we want it or not, and keep busy in ways that don’t hurt us even more.

We can switch activities when we feel like they are futile, stay out in nature, avoid nastiness and try to nourish ourselves. The pinnacle of staying busy without hurting yourself is meditation, because you can disconnect with the external world and take time to recover.

Many sages of ancient times have recommended going into wild places, and the wilderness is where Jesus and the Buddha, famously, became enlightened. Miriam Lancewood and Kenton Whitman concurred in this interview (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=t9qdRFCV65U&lc=Ugw9uQzMBqkq-PkvvLB4AaABAg.A110d2w7kE1A17uBMbB6ut&feature=em-comments) that when people go to live in the wilderness, it consistently takes a few weeks and then a transition occurs to a de-stressed state of mind. According to this discussion, all of those who go to live in the wilderness are overwhelmed and assailed for a time by their anxieties, but for those who stay for the time, don’t fall back to distraction, and are able get through it, they can feel peace and clarity to an extent unknown to modern people.

I think a similar, but deeper and more permanent, process can happen slowly in degrees (even over multiple generations), as we 1) calm our minds initially to the point of calm and wisdom; 2) understand how our thoughts and emotions arise and fade away spontaneously; and 3) use this knowledge and wisdom for the sake of causing ourselves and others to experience happiness, wellbeing, and further wisdom.

This has wandered a long long way. Suffice it to say that when we feel like we need to give up, it is a good idea to do so. We may decide to pick the activity back up again but persisting with our minds immersed in negativity isn’t going to help us in the long term. And also that stress makes us feel awful and also favors frantic, short term decision making over the calmer, wiser long term. We have to get the short term dealt with, temporarily, before we can think clearly about the long term, and the very long term (many- generational) thinking.

Jim Fry wrote:You just need to make the tree into small pieces.

So the half of the tree over the fence is cut off, what's left is the base of the tree that is still in the ground. Wedges have been cut and I am patiently waiting for the next rain to soften the ground and planned on using the tractor to pull it back to break off away from the fence. Also had to cut two smaller trees that were holding the large one that fell. I have one big boy chain saw and a smaller electric chainsaw I prefer due to it not being super heavy but it does have limitations. My big boy bar got stuck in a tree. Something else to work on... I do try to pick up useful items at estate sales when they present.

I’m sorry you’re having a rough time. I often feel like giving up. My energy levels have been very low and I only want to sleep. I try to look at what I’ve already accomplished, think about how much better I feel when I can eat fresh real food, and remind myself of what I value and visualize my goals. Then I work towards them at a snail’s pace. 🐌 Don’t give up. But taking breaks to rest is healthy.

Maieshe Ljin wrote:

For example, if I am spinning and the spindle keeps dropping again and again, I lose spoons (https://permies.com/t/48536/spoon-theory) and if I were to persist mechanically (which I don’t do), then I would drop the spindle even more often and then break the spindle, give up on earth, life, and everything and throw myself facedown on the ground. Then after twenty minutes like that I would go and pick some wild greens. Although this is not likely to happen because I generally know when to take a break from such activities to avoid hurting myself.

Thank you, Maieshe for sharing the spoon theory. It was totally new to me and I enjoyed and benefited from quantifying my efforts. This weekend I integrated this practice into my routine and found the compartmentalization helpful. I agree that sometimes after a momentary defeat we will experience a great peace reuniting with nature. It is also an exercise in recognizing and accepting our limitations and things outside of our control.  My grandmother used to frequently say, and this too shall pass. Channeling her wisdom and fellow permies, like yourself, through our community here has given me perspective and inspiration to continue fighting the good battle for land and food independence.

Bethany Brown wrote: I try to look at what I’ve already accomplished, think about how much better I feel when I can eat fresh real food, and remind myself of what I value and visualize my goals. Then I work towards them at a snail’s pace. 🐌 Don’t give up. But taking breaks to rest is healthy.

Thank you for the encouragement, Bethany. I haven't given up yet!! The fresh food is a huge motivator for me as well. There is a lot of personal satisfaction in growing my own food and providing for my family and animals off the land.

Brooke, I hope in the week since you posted you've been able to rest and be gentle with yourself and your expectations of what you can do.

I hear in what you've posted in response to other comments that you're a strong, courageous, creative person. Celebrate those strengths, give thanks for what you already achieved, and try not to expect that you can do more than you can (a common issue for strong, courageous, creative people!).

Feeling overwhelmed by all that needs to be done is hard, and it's also part of homestead life. I see it as a sign that rather than pushing harder, you need to look for the small ways you can build extra rest into your day. There's always going to be a To Do list that's impossible to complete, that's part of taking on big challenges. Prioritise, do what you can do, surrender what you can't do today to another day.

That can be hard, especially when your plans and dreams were made with two people working together not just you working alone. Hugs on that loss, which you need to let yourself grieve.

If it really is too much for one person to do, hopes need to be adjusted to only what one person can realistically handle. Or i s there any way you can get help with all that needs to be done? Maybe offer a camp site or RV parking space in return for the person helping with the work and getting some homesteading experience?

A little metaphysical here, but my honest reply.

I do high angle rescue in the mountains and it's pretty scary sometimes, at least for me. From day one and then still today I have a voice in my head that's saying "you can't do this, it's too much for you, you're going to fail".

What I've realized is that at least in my mind there are always a lot of different voices. Now when I hear that thought process in my head I just remember that it's normal, but there are other voices that I can listen to as well and that it is my conscious prefrontal cortex that ultimately makes the decision. If I try to shush the "you're not good enough / it's too hard" voice it won't work, but I can also listen to the voice of "you're trained for this, you've done this before, you have a competent team with you." And then, again, I ultimately get to make the choice of what I want to do.

So when I'm shoulder deep in a trench and a pipe breaks because a rock fell and I can't fix it, and I have people lined up tomorrow morning who need to drive over the trench, you can't not have the "you're ruined, it's over" talk because of course you can't. It's totally reasonable.

I really try to acknowledge that and then shift into the realization that if I want to make the situation better I need to focus on the solutions and get into that mindset. More often than not the problem is not the end of the world. It just sucks, but life is pretty much an endless loop of problem->fix->problem->fix.

I've just accepted that's the case. I think being in ems/rescue and seeing people dead and dying keeps me anchored.

Pros and Cons lists sometimes help me make decisions.  Are you 100% committed to the Texas land, climate and challenges or do you want to go back to the Carolinas?  Be honest with yourself.  Would it be better to cut your losses, sell the land and invest it "back home" in a parcel of land that is more familiar?  Decide this first.  Moving is dreadfully hard, but if it's to be done, better sooner than later while you're younger than you will be.

If you do want to stay, then you can move forward without those niggling doubts.  Now you can prioritize things into immediate, soon, or it can wait a bit.  Revisit the permaculture principles; one that I turn to a lot is the idea of turning problems into solutions.  I have seen that hold true time and time again in a broad number of situations.  I am a 63 year old woman living by herself.  Things are not as easy as they once were.  It's hard for me to ask for help, but sometimes I've done that and people have been very willing and generous.  Bartering is another plan of action.  What can you offer people in trade for their help and expertise?

If all else fails, have you ever seen the show, Homestead Rescue?  You could apply to be on it and, let me tell you, those Raineys work wonders!