What makes me happy and why I'm not.

Being warm when it's cold
Being cool when it's hot
Getting dry when I'm wet
Eating when I'm hungry
Learning something new
Finding fun when I'm bored
Doing something worthwhile for others
Listening to awesome music
Creating some epic food
Making something awesome to last for others; art, structure, plants
Sleeping when I'm tired, resting when I can
Carving wood and making useful or beautiful things
Fighting when it's required
Exploring just for fun

You've read what turns me on, but for some reason those are things I have to fight for, the rest of the time I do things for others because I have to do them.

So why am I working because "I have too"? Why the hell do I have to work for somebody else?
I no longer have time or energy to do things for myself, that's just FUCKED UP! Sorry, i'm having a moment and I won't edit my thought.

I'm haven't taken the time and thought to make my life better, I'm just trying to keep up and "feed the pig", it's time to make a change.

Good luck to all of us.

hey, Rick...your post looks like the perfect first step towards making a change I think sometimes we hang on to the way we do things out of a personal sense of security or maybe most often out of responsibility for someone else's welfare or even just habit.
If you can't squeeze in at least a half dozen or so of the things off of your wish list then I think I would be looking at some major lifestyle changes. I like doing a personal reassessment every so often and looking at what I feel good about and what is out of synch with how I want to live.
Just how 'stuck' are you in the life you have at the moment? Maybe you can change a few things at a time, spend less in one direction in order to free up time in another? Taking small steps towards that life you want might make the present more bearable

Reading your post brought back some memories from a few years ago. I had this overwhelming feeling like I wasn't making any headway in life. I felt there was no way to get where I wanted to go from where I was standing. There is a saying around these parts - "You can't get there from here." It seemed that all the steps I was taking to reach my goals were carrying me further from where I wanted to be. It was a rough time for me. Then I just threw up my hands and kinda said "fuck it". I hit a serious depression and then just started spiraling down. Contrary to what you might think, this was the best thing that could have happened to me. Why? It allowed me to see what really mattered to me and what I could just let go of. And it turns out that I really need very little.

It's kind of like cleaning out that closet that's piled with stuff so high that the pile falls out when you open the door. For a while I refused to open the door because I knew I'd have a big mess to deal with once I did. I also knew that the stress I was experiencing was because of that huge pile of shit. So... I tore the door off the hinges so to speak and forced myself to deal with the mess. It was rough. Without a door to hide behind, the mess was there for everyone to see. And so... I started clearing it up. bit by bit. I even had a few people nice enough to help out.
Throw out the broken things that aren't worth fixing. Donate the stuff that isn't of use to me. Sell the stuff worth selling. Keep what's left. After it was all said and done I had cleaned up the mess, built some new shelves and put a new door on the closet. It's better now but it wasn't a fun task to deal with. Lots of rough days.

I'm not great with analogies but I hope you get my point. Team up with those that will help you and just start moving things around. You'll get there eventually. Just keep pluggin away at it.

Best wishes

wow does that bring back memories, i drank for a few years when i maybe "should" have been working and building a better future, and i always had the dream to build a earth bermed house and raise a garden..... and at one point i just gave up, and accepted the fact that it would never happen, but i kept putting one foot in front of the other, doing things that appeared in front of me to do, educating myself in useful things, taking courses when i could afford it. I know some people who have strict regimes of where they spend money and most agree that education is always a good investment(not necessarily in regular schools, for me it was shiarsu, herbal healing, reike, body electronics, permaculture), it is rewarding in that it makes me feel good, and it is very portable, you take it everywhere and a tool you always have at the ready.

I thought i had landed in a dream property until this pipeline issue came up, and i guess that what i'm saying is that where we are, whether in a city or in the country, craziness can find you and make your life interesting,, maybe "problem becoming the solution" applies here

i don't know if that makes any sense to anybody, but hey, we're all pulling for each other.

good to hear from you
keep the faith

bob

Rick, that sounds like pretty great list, all things I enjoy too, well...except for the fighting ...lol


Having to work for other people and doing things other than that which you would like, is pretty normal.

I agree with the post by Craig- excising the clutter (physical/situational/mental) really helps to balance things out.