How have our partners fared in this pursuit for the rural life? It's not easy for two people to share the same dream exactly, so what experiences have you all had in making it work? How did the transition happen, or not? How did the rural life change or strengthen your relationship? What kind of compromises were there, and were they worth it?
Mine came into it kicking and screaming, saying, "You can't do that! Nobody does that!" But the older I got, the more I needed to get more and more rural, plant an orchard instead of a couple of fruit
trees, plant food instead of just a garden, build projects, design a
water system, make a driveway on a hill work, live with the insects, rodents and animals chewing on and ruining a lot of things, and make all the systems work for being able to live comfortably while being remote. There were endless $1500 expenses. It caused a lot of resentment, and so I took on more and more by myself, which apparently also caused resentment, that double-edged sword of, "Don't force me to spend my spare time doing your projects, but don't exclude me, either." That one is still tricky. On good days there was admiration. On bad days there were arguments, but that's where the real information was coming out, a lot of it I did not expect.
I thought once someone accomplished a
project, stood back and admired what they did, it would be a no-brainer that that kind of satisfaction is one of the best, but I've learned the hard way, that's just me. I've also learned that I don't need a lot of praise for what I do, I just need the
freedom to do it and make it work to my satisfaction without a lot of doubt and scorn sent my way. Sometimes a couple years down the road suddenly it gets noticed, which is frosting on the cake. Seeing the
light bulb come on on someone's face can't be forced or explained into agreement. Stepping back and letting it happen works a lot better. Not waiting for it to happen, because sometimes it never does. But if 50% of the things get an Ah-ha moment, I'm good with that.
So now that the major things are done and working pretty well, and I've learned that expansion just means more maintenance that I don't really need, expenses have calmed down, we are at about a 50/50 participation level. I know which projects cause bad moods, and which chores are dreaded, so those can be avoided. We've made more time for just sitting back and enjoying, picnicking, hanging out. It shouldn't be work all the time, especially not working until exhausted, (that goes for me, too) even if what gets done is something good. I guess that's the Stop And Smell The Roses approach, and it's made things a lot better.