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SWM 43, SE Oklahoma- Seeking Partner on Established(hah) Off-Grid Farmstead Project  RSS feed

 
Posts: 13
Location: SouthEast Oklahoma
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Whulp. I was full of anecdotes and descriptions and all sorts of sell-myself goodies before I sat down to type... and apparently I misplaced all of them.

I've poked around on the forums for some time... forever reading, rarely posting. I'm not sure I qualify as a 'permie' except by proxy. Most if not all I do around here revolves around recycling, repurposing, DIY, growing and nurturing as responsibly as possible(albeit I'm still fixated on rows) and producing what I need rather than purchasing.

I'm 43... still can't get over that... Fit/slim, and in the hopes of finding someone of the female persuasion to share all of this with.

'This'... in a nutshell, is a small slice of the wasteland- left in ruination first from poorly managed cattle operations, then the oilfield- and my intention of bringing it back to life. I'm completely off-grid, from power generation to water collection and couldn't imagine living any other way. I came from the cities where we all have ideas of how this all should be(yes, I was one of 'them) and have since learned a lot about myself, how to discern between how things are and how things 'should be', a bit of patience, and how to accept and thrive from both the successes and failures of my endeavor.

Nothing ever seems finished, but I swear it's all coming together. I run a bit of livestock, am eternally building a home that I can't stop calling 'the barn' and the most exciting thing that's happened to me in the last 5 years has been either a free semi-load of pallets or seeing 6 rows of corn come up when and where I expected them to.

Like I said... I couldn't imagine living any other way.

I've been single since 2010, but tried 'meeting someone' on the web several times. Generally run into the same issues:  I do not want biological children, I don't participate in or care to be around heavy drinking, drugs or polyamory. A constant 'deal-breaker' has been that the other party is doing something similar to what I'm doing in their own way on their own land and like me- has too much in it and is too content with their surroundings to relocate.

For what it's worth- I eat meat, smoke a few cigarettes now and then, want a beer but rarely drink one(though I do like homemade wine and hard cider when I can get it). I'm not terribly social but grew up that way... Here, I've learned to appreciate and even love solitude. By 'not terribly social', I mean that I go to the 'hill party' once a year. Otherwise I see a neighbor at the 'mailbox row' every couple weeks. I could probably be counted as a prepper, but not the kind that listens to the end of the world radio shows or has a gun stashed in every cupboard. 

Best of luck to all of you, pictures attached- wish me luck too.




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Posts: 224
Location: West Midlands UK (zone 8b)
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Good luck, Bill!  You sound like a nice guy.
 
Bill Flicks
Posts: 13
Location: SouthEast Oklahoma
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Thank you Hester!
 
Hester Winterbourne
Posts: 224
Location: West Midlands UK (zone 8b)
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Hey Bill how is it going?
 
Bill Flicks
Posts: 13
Location: SouthEast Oklahoma
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Knee deep in Spring preparations, busy time of year... Life is pretty good all around. Job's wearing down. 55 working days to freedom, hah!


Still terminally single and still contending with what that means if anything...

How's life in the 'Midlands'?

 
Hester Winterbourne
Posts: 224
Location: West Midlands UK (zone 8b)
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The Midlands are hot! 25 degrees today which is nearly 80 in dollars and it's come on a bit sudden after a cold start to the spring.  My sweetcorn hasn't done very well, the seedlings kept falling over and dying, but I have planted most of it out under plastic bottles and hope it gets away now.

Did I miss something on what the job is you are soon to escape from?

Maybe the trick with being terminally single is to big it up to yourself about the advantages, and how inconvenient it would be to fall in love, and then you kind of win either way, if it happens or not...  I've nearly convinced myself!
 
Bill Flicks
Posts: 13
Location: SouthEast Oklahoma
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32C here... a bit warm for this time of year. I won't tell you my corn is doing well and will be more than 'knee high in July'. The evil blackbirds have helped burst my pride bubble by pulling every single sorghum shoot and nibbling the seed off. Spent a lot of the afternoon replanting. If you have any spare plastic bottles... Maybe I can sling them at the birds.

I actually have tried convincing myself how 'better off' I could be. Friends that are married swear they envy me my freedom. But still... wouldn't it be the thing that rounds out the whole bargain? I mean... I sincerely love my life. My every day still astonishes me, even when I catch myself crossing my eyes at something that turns out to be nothing when you think on it. But... there's certainly room for another in my little woodland hermitage/asylum.

 
pollinator
Posts: 246
Location: Unincorporated Pierce County, WA Zone 7b
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I actually have tried convincing myself how 'better off' I could be. Friends that are married swear they envy me my freedom. But still... wouldn't it be the thing that rounds out the whole bargain? I mean... I sincerely love my life. My every day still astonishes me, even when I catch myself crossing my eyes at something that turns out to be nothing when you think on it. But... there's certainly room for another in my little woodland hermitage/asylum. 



That's called being a complete person.  I've been in a similar boat for four years.   But, *what it means* is that I get up every day, do the things that I want to do, work the job that I enjoy working at the hours that let me life my actual life...and that seems to take up an awful lot of time from dawn to dusk. 

Best of luck to you!
 
Posts: 1
Location: Central Texas
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Bill, I've been lurking on your thread and it inspired me to register on this site. So happy to see that my random Google search for people who felt like I did resulted in finding some intelligent posts. Keep them coming. Give us an update!

Allison in Texas
 
Posts: 13
Location: Saranac lake, NY
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Hello Bill,

I am just lurking here, but something about your post made me smile.  Not sure what it is exactly.  You write well, and seem to have an intelligent sense of humor.  I may also have resigned myself to the single life at 42 after enough unpleasant experiences to fill a warehouse.  Maybe I relate to some of what you describe in your last two paragraphs, though I have enough biological children for everyone.  :)  Good luck to you. 

It's wonderful being alone, isn't it?  If only it wasn't so lonely.

-P.

https://www.facebook.com/paula.jacobson.7
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Who is writing to you:
 
Bill Flicks
Posts: 13
Location: SouthEast Oklahoma
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Hello peoples of the interwebs!

Ok, update:

I all but literally have found myself in over my head- the literal part being... well... explain to me why I decided to dig a pond by hand. Please. I really need to understand how this ever made the list of 'good idea at the time'.

There are animals everywhere- FINALLY have my Muscovy population up and running, sheep flock is tiny but lined out to be at capacity by this time next year... and one of my last 'great steps' has finally begun in earnest. One of my final long term goals out here was to eliminate my dependency on vehicles and eventually all things 'fuel powered'. For the last few years I have limited myself to a 10 mile driving radius with up to 6 trips 'to town' for supplies or whatnot... and now the final step- sell the truck and move toward something I can sustain effectively and responsibly here.

I give you... Donkeys.

Until I've got that angle managed- I've elected to keep the motorcycle and build a small trailer for it for trips to the feedstore or what have you... but am going to stick with my 10 mile radius and likely eliminate the trips 'to town'.

Have I mentioned I'm a whack-job in the woods?

What do you do with so much time spent in your own company though? For me? It's all but focused on self-examination and a pursuit of sincerity and consistency in my beliefs. I believe we all drive too much and the compulsive 'need' to own as many vehicles as possible is a detriment to everything from the environment in general to the local economy to our own health(IE lack of exercise). I believe dependency on economy is inherently destructive- both as a self-imposed slavery to those who basically dictate our 'happiness', health and quality of life based on the size of our paychecks... not to mention the negative impacts RE: global commerce... Bottom line? I don't want to be a hypocrite. Don't worry, no tirade forth coming.

But you get the idea.

I can't participate in these things(and so many others) if I find them fundamentally wrong.

So... whack-job in the woods is a pretty accurate description, hah. However, everything that crosses my mind, plants that 'seed' and grows into an idea, a concept a plan and fruition- it all has considerably improved not only my life, but... me.

It's a hell of a limitation to decide not to participate in 'modern economy'(or modern health care for that matter, hah, a whole 'nother bowl of nachos). I have found that a bare minimal participation seems difficult to avoid- property taxes for one, but it seems most everything I can do and provide for myself, while still preserving a fulfilling, quality lifestyle. I've learned that people throw away the most amazing things and over the past few years have all but impressed myself with what I can do just living off the 'waste' of the rest of the world. It's something to have a 'need' and get to the point where you can just design and make it out of what you have available.

On the dating front... oh boy.

I don't date... least not by the definition I grew up with and certainly not by the modern standard(what's facebook?). Resigning myself to just going it alone for the duration at this point seems unwise to attempt. It's me rationalizing my situation, I think. Fact is... I do want a partner in all this. The older I get, that seems to be more important. I have no desire to leave a 'legacy'... but it does seem a waste to think of all I put into all this being for naught when I go. I've learned a lot about my own perceptions, definitions and expectations on that front, however... and Marie Antoinette Romances be damned... I'm fairly certain I'm not going to find that great love either on the interwebs or at my age, hah. My pragmatism and logic have sort of smothered out my blindness from years gone by- and I realize that going into all this with a partner would have meant developing it and ourselves together... in our youth, we were so fluid and malleable... but now we're all cleary defined people who are what we have become. So many of us are fixed in our locations, our habits, our expectations of life and everything else... Easy to get a little pessimistic on the 'finding someone front'.

But... wouldn't it be something?

Sorry for the rambly train wreck of an update- hope there was some sense of clarity in there somewhere.

Thanks for the kind words. It's very nice to read someone taking the time to express interest. I hope the best for you and all of us.

I get online these days for a month at a time, every so often.

Back to the grind- fall's coming and the weather seems to have broken- at least for a week or so!
 
Posts: 225
Location: Colville, WA Zone 5b
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I liked your rambly update! I suspect that we just never know what might happen. And you never know who is browsing Permies, right? But I agree with you, I'm in a similar thought pattern about the fact that at this age, most people that would be considered potential partners are already set in their homes, land, living areas, patterns, etc. I know I wouldn't move for a partner, too much blood sweat and tears put into my place. I do try to tell myself that I'd never know. Best of luck to you!
 
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Well I'm new on here and wanted to reply to your post Bill. I'm not sure if there is an email or something other than this to send to? I'd love to talk to you- I don't have a profile or anything up on here but I'm a city and urban dwelling woman who has wanted to live off grid for a long time and I just found myself doing yet another search for community online and ended up here at this site. Just wanted to say hi and I loved your post about what you are looking for and pic. Any way to chat off this site?
 
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I probably wouldn't leave my homestead in Arkansas but I'm more than willing to be friends and hang out/help out from time to time.

feel free to email:

sathersg@gmail.com
 
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Wondering where you are at?
We are SE OK as well. in process of converting, establishing and setting up 80 acres 40 minutes outside Ada, OK 

It would be nice to have someone to chat with every few months or so..??
 
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Hi, Bill! your place sounds great and you sound interesting. Can I come and visit and interview you for a documentary I am making on living sustainably as part of my Intentional communities series? I hope you say yes. ciumm@hotmail.com. Thanks! Mariella
 
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What about having a cohousing type community with other permies?
 
Bill Flicks
Posts: 13
Location: SouthEast Oklahoma
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Hi all...

Vicci- I sent you a pm,

As for the whole documentary thing- I honestly can't see how it would serve anyone to sit around and watch TV shows about other people doing things.

And Michelle? VERY interesting timing. I have been mulling over that very same concept for some time now. Logistics is the huge difficulty I'm faced with as well as the numerous 'horror stories' I've heard from both ends of other people experienced in such things... that compounded(no pun intended) with the 'prepper inside me' seem to present a number of potential hurdles.

The kid in me still likes the frosted side.

That all said... I'm not dissuaded(when am I ever?) and am attempting even now to pursue it. Just not entirely sure how to go about it and how to navigate the inherent obstacles.

As always- hoping you all are well, and life is not only palatable but sweet.
 
pollinator
Posts: 444
Location: SW Missouri, Zone 7a
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Bill Flicks wrote:
And Michelle? VERY interesting timing. I have been mulling over that very same concept for some time now. Logistics is the huge difficulty I'm faced with as well as the numerous 'horror stories' I've heard from both ends of other people experienced in such things... that compounded(no pun intended) with the 'prepper inside me' seem to present a number of potential hurdles.



I posted this thread a month ago. If you have a minute, you might want to go read it and see what you think ... https://permies.com/t/73605/start-small-family-friendly-village#616475 We aren't far from the OK border,  and would love to have someone like you here--if you thought you might want to begin again in a new place with like-minded individuals. We already have one other person coming in April (with her 9-year-old) and feelers out for a couple of others, so we're finally getting a start. PM me if you're interested.
 
Bill Flicks
Posts: 13
Location: SouthEast Oklahoma
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Thanks for the kind words and interest... but I haven't the slightest inclination in leaving this place that I love so dearly... it's my life-long commitment, the sanctity of my soul and mind, my father, my mother, my peace and the definition of my very being.

Besides, it's successful. It works- even if it is rather sloppy around the edges. I have been doing this long enough to see numerous folk trying to do the same and the ensuing crash and burn.

I'll die here. With a grin on my face and likely a shovel in my hand.

Best of luck to you in your version, though.
 
Deb Stephens
pollinator
Posts: 444
Location: SW Missouri, Zone 7a
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Bill Flicks wrote:Thanks for the kind words and interest... but I haven't the slightest inclination in leaving this place that I love so dearly... it's my life-long commitment, the sanctity of my soul and mind, my father, my mother, my peace and the definition of my very being.

Besides, it's successful. It works- even if it is rather sloppy around the edges. I have been doing this long enough to see numerous folk trying to do the same and the ensuing crash and burn.

I'll die here. With a grin on my face and likely a shovel in my hand.

Best of luck to you in your version, though.



I definitely understand--our place is the same for us. That is the reason we are trying so hard to find a way to preserve it when we die. We hate the idea it will be sold and chopped into parcels for a subdivision or trailer park!!!

Good luck to you--sounds like you and your piece of heaven belong together. May you both live long and prosper, as Spock would say.
 
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