anger transformed

Julia Winter wrote:Someday I'd love to see what you made from the single-ply meat sheep wool fabric. . . . no rush!

r ranson wrote:Someone said something yesterday.  It was unnecessary and unkind and very very permies.  It's also not the first time.  There is a trend in that group to say things to keep people in their place and discourage newcomers to the craft while pretending to be kind.  Things that when you look at the individual words aren't mean at all, but the cumulative effect is hugely damaging.  (the thing is, I don't even think they know they are doing it, or that their words can completely shift the direction of a life - and then they wonder why it's so hard to get new people...anyway)

And it has been a couple of years, where have you gone with it?

So I gave myself a few hours to feel angry about it.  And I got really angry.  I didn't throw things, but a lot of weeds died and firewood got ready for winter.  

I do not do well with gatekeeping.  

Now I'm in the place where I'm thinking the best revenge is success.  

Trying to decide what to do with this energy.

How can I feed this energy into growing my youtube channel faster than it is already?  

There are some ideas in my head I'm trying to sort through once I finish CAPEtember2022.  Organizing the yarn and getting it ready to become cloth has been a big help organizing my thoughts.  Another reason why I'm enjoying this project so much.  I can't wait to see how it turns out.

I'm also thinking about where I want to put my energy in the upcoming year.  I should be teaching beginner weaving again, but this was difficult on my health.  It took 100% of my energy for several weeks before, during, and after the 6 weeks of teaching.  I think we can tell by how tired I am in this video about it.

So... it's about energy.  Transforming and directing it and making choices about this.  

I wonder where I will go with this.  I'm excited to find out.