I like to think of assholes simply as people who care exclusively about their own shit, right up until it leaves them.
I think there is such a thing as toxic masculinity. I mean, excessive machismo overriding intellect has historically been a great way to earn onesself a Darwin Award.
I think it's important to acknowledge that some of what boys have historically been taught about the role of men in the household and in life has been detrimental to society as a whole, in that it has historically resulted in the subjugation of about half of the world's population, until fairly recently, meaning less overall productivity, and the obviation of academic intelligence in women as an evolutionary bonus, which has dumbed our species down as a whole.
That said, I don't think that the issue of transitioning from the archetype of hard-working breadwinner who comes home to relax while the wifey keeps the house and the children and everything else has been handled very well in Western society, and I think that might be part of the problem.
I don't think anybody enjoys being compared to Homer Simpson or Peter Griffin, but if you look at entertainment media, how many TV dads aren't bumbling idiots of one stripe or another? This goes back to Bill Cosby (don't get me started), who played a doctor, but whose best comedy was often related to brainless selfishness. Or maybe we
should look at Archie Bunker?
I think it is due to a collective male identity crisis of sorts. We're being told constantly that the historical norms were discriminatory, unfair, and wrong, and most can get on board with that, but where are the positive examples we should turn to?
I would love to be a stay-at-farm dad, with a papoose on my back and children old
enough helping at farm tasks while their mother blows glass and engraves. I am comfortable and secure in my own identity, but obviously it is more of a struggle for some.
It's a shame that people seem to feel incapable of addressing this issue without being insulting to efforts for gender equality, which to me seems to miss the point. The argument gets polarised, as everything else seems to do these days, and suddenly, if you express concern over the plight of men, you're guilty of oppressing women. Likewise, if we push for greater gender equality, well, that must come at the expense of the male identity, mustn't it, and so there are interested parties against it.
This all misses the mark, in my opinion. I think it's a collective identity crisis. We're too attached to our labels and how they define us, and so when the foundations of those labels are attacked, we defend them.
I think what it means to be a man should be redefined along recognisable lines, to make virtues of productivity, creativity, flexibility, learning, and knowledge. This is not an exhaustive list by any means. But I think that the way to improve the plight of men is to redefine what we actually want and need to be in the view of changing perceptions of our roles, and take steps to make ourselves those things.
-CK
A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.
-Robert A. Heinlein
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