Rose,
I am late to the party and have not waded through all the responses, so my apologizes if some of this is duplicate. However, your second post irked me and I felt the need to respond. It irked me because I know so many people who feel as you do; and it is a travesty. YES, you can build your own house. It really is not that hard. A little education and the ability to read plans is all it takes. Your partner sounds like a handy person. You will be able to figure it out. I would suggest if it is your first time, to buy plans and not wing it, unless you are doing a small simple frame (which I recommend.)
Start small. You would be surprised how little space you actually need to be comfortable (two adults.) Build something that is expandable and build as you save, rather than finance anything. Stay away from the underground shelters. They get expensive fast when you start making them waterproof. If that is your goal, set a some milestones and save. Meanwhile live in a small space you build and own free and clear. Some web resources for you I will post for your research. I don't have any affiliation or disclaimers to make.
Andy Sheldon is an architect in New Jersey that specializes in small spaces. His catalog of plans is available free if you send him an email.
http://www.sheldondesigns.com/ I like his Monitor style pole barn for it size, easy construction and living space in the loft. I don't know about New York State's building codes, but living in one's barn is an end around for permits and lower taxes in a lot of places. I am sure that is a hot topic for debate; but will suggest it anyway. Andy's plans can be modified after or during the construction to convert the loft area into a nice living space.
Google "Tiny House" for ideas of small living spaces that can be built cheaply. I don't like to endorse the folks, because I don't like that they over charge (my opinion) the public and perpetuate the myth that housing can not be affordable. I have looked at the price of their plans. $1,000+ dollars just for schematics are way too much for what is being sold. I don't begrudge anyone making a living off their idea; but can't endorse over charging for one's product. Their finished units are also very expensive compared to what one can do themselves. The upside is with a cabin on wheels, one does not have to worry about permits. It is technically an RV and not a permanent structure. I do like their Bodega Plans, especially if built with Structural Insulated Panels. (do a search for SIPs) It makes a very well insulated quick house on pier and beam.
I don't know if you have considered
Cob as an option, but would encourage you to look into it. Very inexpensive if done yourselves. Highly efficient and insulated. It will take you a good bit of time, unless you enlist volunteers and friends, so you may need temporary housing until completion. New York building seasons are rather short, so plan in advance.
Because of the climate in the area, I would imagine you will deal with codes. That will require plans to submit and have approved. This limits one's options and increases cost; but also gives one good directions and support for a first time builder. I wish you and your partner success! If you are still doing research, I would welcome a discussion on the topic.