I'm so sorry for the loss of your first, and will keep you and your little family in my prayers - including the hope that dad will come to his senses. You've some great advice, here, and I have little to add, except that of my 6 pregnancies, only 2 were almost identical, both ending only a day after I discovered they were coming. They were #4 & #6, and while I was saddened, I hadn't had time to get attached, so I didn't really grieve. #5 was also lost, but I'd had plenty of time to get attached, pick out names, and share the news with the world. I grieved deeply and painfully for my little Emily Rose, and 20years later, still get very sad, when I think of her.
#1 (13hrs) was born in the hospital, in the old fashioned labor, delivery, and recovery rooms, with me forced flat on my back, only allowed to roll to my side long enough to puke - Not AT ALL what I wanted, or necessary. 34 yrs later, I'm still resentful - when I allow myself to indulge. But, the pushy people in my life at the time, (including my then mil, who was an ob nurse, in the local baby factory) meant well. No pain relief for my excruciating back labor and the doctor was, if you'll excuse my language, a dick. Suckling only lasted 2wks, due to a rare health issue inherited from his dad. Hospitals 'birthing plan', that didn't help, at all, lol.
#2 (14hrs) started off well, home birth planned, support system for that still non-existent, and in the end, the insurance company got their way - hospital, again, but this time, it was in the new, fancy, somewhat homier, 'LDR' room. Minimal drugs, all worn off, just prior to the delivery of the placenta. Could have been FAR worse! ~le sigh~ Still not even close to how I wanted to do it, but my new doctor had lost her own twins, in both our third trimesters, and she was deeply in the throes of her own grief, so I can understand her incredible callousness, her sadistic manual perusal of my uterus, immediately postpartum still causes my innards to seize up, thinking about it, 31yrs later, lol. Suckled only 3weeks, due to my own health. Bradley method - meh.
#3 actually went pretty close to plan! Born at home - CHECK! No drugs - CHECK! No invasive interference to mother & baby bonding - CHECK! This birth was my easiest, fastest (2.5hrs, from water to suckling!), and only one I'd be good with repeating. Suckling lasted 28months! I was also 32, rid of 1st in-laws and refused to be cowed by anyone. La Leche League, with plenty of other moms, who were similarly minded, as a great support group, no birthing coaching, just a video for her dad, because it was his first. That took a lot of pressure off, for me, because it meant no need to go 'pretend', every week, lying on a hard floor, when it was the most difficult time to get down to and up from the hard floor I didn't want to be on, anyway!
All that to say, A - plan all you want - it can at the very least, help set guidelines, with those helping you, so they won't be at a total loss as to your wishes. B - don't expect any of it to actually happen the way you plan it. C - follow your instincts. D - get used to the advice coming, and just roll with it, letting it go in one ear, filtering out what works for you, & out the other ear. E - take anyone's help offered, but only with housekeeping, shopping, etc. Your energies, as much as possible, should be baby and mom focused, while you figure out what actually works best, for the two you.
Good luck - and please, keep us posted?
Edited to add: #1 - 2wks early, 7lbs8oz: #2 - 4wks late, 7lbs6oz: #3 - On due date (only 5% occurrence!), 8lbs8oz