Laurel Finch

Hi all,
Thought I'd give you guys an update.  I've been to pelvic floor therapy 9 times; 3 more to go.  I have to say, it is is definitely one of the weirdest, most surreal experiences I have ever had.  There's nothig quite like talking about quail while someone has her finger in your vagina.  The first 2 times I went, I dissociated so bad I had to message the therapist to find out what happened and what she said.

But it did get better.  My therapist is really nice and understanding.  And she tells me I've taught her things, too.  Like when I asked her to lock the door so no one could walk in.  She said she never would have thought of that, because a lot of people feel trapped.  I also told her that I never understood why UCSF ALWAYS faces the foot end of the exam table towards the door, so that if someone does walk in while you're being examied down there, well, there you are.  All of you waving "Hi!"  So she turned the exam table around!  I couldn't believe it!  She said she had never thought of that, either!

I bring a weighted lap blanket and put it on my chest.  And a stuffed quail, because... QUAIL!  It helps me focus on something physical that isn't me.  

It's definitely helped with the worst of the symptoms, but I still have pain.  It tends to be more intermittant now, which is good.  I even have some pain free days.  But damn, I'm sore afterwards.  I go every Friday, and I went today, so I'm really feeling it now.

I'm also seeing an online therapist (head type) to help me get over the  PTSD for any future medical stuff.  She's teaching me about breathing and creating a safe space in my head; speaking up for myself, etc.

I've been doing lots of reading, and I found out some really interesting things.  Like how the pelvis stores emotions.  Apparently, there's a ton of nerves there that feed into both the sympathetic AND autonomic nervous systems at the same time.  And it's directly connected to the vagus nerve.  Having hEDS, I already have dysautonomia, which is trouble with the autonomic nervous system.  Those nerves go to the brain and connect emotions, especially negative ones like fear and shame, to the pelvic area.  So all that unresolved shit from my medical trauma got stored there.  Weird, huh?

So, it hasn't fixed me completely, but it took away the most awful of the symptoms.  I can deal with pain better than the other stuff.  I'm hoping that there will be more improvement between now and the last session.  She says we're still figuring out what will work for me.  Like everything else in my body, even my pelvis is weird.



 

Wow, I had no idea so many people had problems "downstairs "!  It's hard enough when you have chronic pain, but having it there makes it 10 times worse.  In 2015 I tripped and ended up with a Lisfranc fracture in my left foot. I was in the hospital for 3 nights, got a fusion with 6 screws, 2 months in bed, 4 months of pt where I had to relearn how to walk, and 6 months with a cane.  And yet, I never blinked an eye.  But this thing is just beating the shit outta me.  It's really taking a toll.  It's so humiliating,  and there's stuff I haven't even mentioned that mortifies me to speak about.  It makes me feel like a freak.

Thanks for sharing,  and all your kind messages.  It helps.  Tomorrow,  I'll take a walk with my feet in the ocean.

Trace Oswald wrote:Please consider the work of the "knees over toes" guy.  He is doing fantastic things for people with knee issues, I would ditch the PT guy, do the knees over toes exercises, see if that helps first, before going through another round of degrading medical exams.  Maybe you would be more comfortable with an older male doctor, or with a woman.  You aren't being a baby, you're reacting to people that treated you horribly.  

Hi Trace,
I had gone to my GP for knee pain last summer,  Of course, he told me it was arthritis (as in, hey, you're old---it's arthritis).  I knew it wasn't, and asked for an MRI.  No deal.  Finally got him to send me for a x-ray.  Sure enough, not a trace of arthritis.  So he sent me for PT.  

Thing is, the PT actually DID help my knees a lot.   I have no pain in my knees now.  He agreed with me that it was soft tissue, probably torn meniscus in both knees.  He also said I was the most hypermobile patient he had ever seen.   He worked on my hip muscles mostly, the ones that pull the leg out to the side.  They were unbelievably weak and would actually spasm when I first started.  Also some basic core work.  

So I don't understand why he keeps pushing me to "get stronger", when I'm very happy with what I've achieved so far.  I'd just like to maintain it.

I'll take a look at the guy you recommended.  The Pelvic Floor Therapist is a woman.  I DEFINITELY feel more comfortable with a woman, especially in my nether regions.

Pearl Sutton wrote:

Personally, if I were in your boat (and I'm in an equally bad different flavored boat) I'd NOT "push through the pain." I have had enough things go on in my life that I have  learned when not to push, and I think you are at it. I'd personally skip PT for a bit OR don't do it so hard (he can't MAKE you!)  and skip the pelvic floor person till I had seen if slowing down the exercises helps the pain.

There are also other ways to work the knees that are less hard on all those muscles, I lay on my back on the floor and do my knee exercises up in the air. Gravity helps, not hinders, and knees get worked.

Hi Pearl,
Yeah, I've been taking a break from the PT.  However, I do feel there is something going on internally, like tight fascia impinging on nerves, etc., because the groin pain is radiating into the the labia.  My PFT appt. isn't until June 6th, so I will see how I feel by then.  If I'm all better, I may cancel.  It's just so hard.  And I don't know which is worse, the physical pain, or the emotional anguish.  

Hi All,
I haven't posted in a while.  My tiny urban permaculture backyard is doing very well, as are my chickens and quail.  

I've been having some health problems.  Well, I've had them a long time, but I get flare ups, especially when I'm under a lot of stress.  I just turned 65 last month, which, in and of itself, was somewhat traumatic.  Just like everyone else, I guess, I never thought I'd get old.  Even worse, I'm finally starting to show it.  I always looked a LOT younger than my actual age, (I got proofed at 45!) so it's been a blow.

I have quite a few chronic problems, mostly stemming from Ehlers-Danlos syndrome.  I deal with them as best I can, living with chronic pain.  I saw a meme the other day that blew my mind: it said, "Normal pain levels are zero.  Period.  There is no "normal" level of pain.

So none of that is why I'm writing.  I'm used to it.  What's got me really upset is something I'm having a very, very hard time dealing with emotionally.  People with hEDS (hypermobile Ehlers Danlos) often have Interstitial Cystitis as a comorbidity.  No one know why, and no one really even knows what IC is, or what causes it.  Theories abound.  It revolves around pain in and around the bladder.  When I think back on it, I've probably had it since puberty, but I didn't really have a bad flare until I was in my late 20's.  I had no GP, so I went to the walk in clinic, thinking I had a UTI.  I never had any germs, but I had terrible pain.  I went over and over, had so many people poking around down there (most of them young male residents), people walking in and out without knocking, and I was basically told (in so many words) that I was a hypochondriac, that a pelvis couldn't feel "congested", only noses got congested, etc.  I gave up.  I was almost suicidal over the pain.  

Then, one day, I was walking down an aisle of books in the library, and this bright yellow book was sticking way out.   It caught my eye, so I looked at the title, which was, "Living with Bladder Pain".  I immediately took it out, and when I got to the chapter on Interstitial Cystitis, it was a real EUREKA! moment.

Using the book's suggestions on diet changes, I was able to get rid of my pain, except for occasional flares.  I found an acupuncturist, and when I had a flare, I'd go to him, and he'd clear it up in 1 or 2 sessions.  I was pretty happy.

In my mid 30's, I develeped an anal fistula.  Only I didn't know what I had.  I just a felt a lump down there, and it hurt really bad.  Again, I went back to the clinic.  Again, I was seen over and over, by many people, mainly men.  None of them could figure out what it was, so of course, it was in my head.  One guy told me it was a pimple.   One woman stuck a needle into my perineum looking for pus.  

I finally got a nurse practitioner who looked at it and diagnosed it correctly.  She told me I needed to see a rectal surgeon, and arranged it for me.  It had taken 8 months to get a correct diagnosis.

At the time, I didn't know I could go thru as a private patient.  I didn't even know that was a "thing".  So I went thru exam after exam, with sometimes 5 or 6 male students gathered around to watch.  They stuck probes up there, fingers, etc., with me on my knees with my butt in the air.  One of them stuck a probe up there and walked out of the room, leaving me like that with the door open and people walking by.  I remember the surgeon poking my butt hole to demonstrate to a student an "anal wink".  Bet you didn't know your asshole could wink, did you?

I ended up needing 3 surgeries to fix it, with lots more exams in between.

The whole thing gave me a nervous breakdown with severe PTSD. I lost my job. I avoided doctors for a long time, except for my acupuncturist.

Fast forward 30 years to now.  I had a bad flare a year ago, but was able to find a new acupuncturist to help.  

Then, in March, I had another flare.  I tightened up my diet, and went to the acupuncturist.  She was able to help with most of it, but I'm still having residual pain in the pelvis.  I finally put 2 + 2 together, and realized that a lot of the pain was probably coming from the physical therapy exercises I've been doing for my knees, and that the pain involved muscles, ligaments and fascia.  I thik my groin is compensating for my weak hip muscles.  I told my PT about it, and asked him if he could tell if the pain was muscular.

He practically threw holy water on me, saying that was way over his head, and I needed to see a pelvic floor therapist.  I told him I think he's pushing me too hard, and that I'm compensating with muscles that shouldn't be doing the work, and they were causing a cascade of pain in the groin.   He also told me I needed to "push thru the pain".   Then he gave me more, harder exercises.

So, here's my problem: I made an appointment with the pelvic floor therapist.  However, my PTSD is back and thru the roof, because they do INTERNAL work.  Which means more probing, more shame and humiliation and embarassment, more fear and stress.  I WANT to get better.  I KNOW I should go.  and I hate myself for being such a baby about this.  Other women go, and don't seem to think anything of it.  I'm crying, shaking, my stomach is in a knot.  And the appointment isn't for a month.  

I'm so upset and angry and ashamed, and abashed and embarassed and humiliated.  It's bringing up so many feelings I thought I had worked through years ago.  I want to get better.  But I also don't want another breakdown.

I'm 64 now, so well past menopause.  The only problems I had were night sweats in my late 40's, and hot flashes in my 50's.  Those lasted a long time.  I also had some arthritic pain in my fingers, called Heberden's nodes, but it seems to have gone away now.  Probably the biggest gyp was the vaginal atrophy: just when you don't have to worry about getting pregnant, sex becomes painful.  These things make me conclude the God truly is a man.  However, this is balanced out by a total disinterest in sex anyway, which is a big relief in a lot of ways.

I actually find menopause quite liberating.  I always had very regular periods, exactly 26 days apart, and heavy, with cramps.  And mood swings right before.  Now, I am free of all of that.   I call it my return to childhood.  It's great to not have lust make me do things I shouldn't have done, and gives me more time and energy to do the things I really want to do.  I like it.  

I remember my doctor asking me all sorts of questions, and giving me a sour look and saying, "You just sailed right through it, didn't you?"

So take heart, not every woman has a terrible time of it.  And for many of us, it's a real blessing.

Michael Cox wrote:UK based.

My hunch is that the small nuts you describe are due in part to shorter growing season than the original range of the species.

I'm just seeing your post now.  Go figure.  Anyway, the situation has not changed, still lots of burrs, shriveled up nuts.  I'm in San Francisco, where the growing season is pretty much all year round.  Frosts are rare, and hard freezes almost unknown.   So I don't think it's that.

Some of these trees are growing right next to a lake, so I'm thinking their roots can tap into the lake water?  OTOH, the lake is in a park and man made, so maybe it's lined and the water can't leach out?

I have no idea what kind of chestnut they are.  I actually sent specimens into the chestnut project, and even they didn't know!  

I've been watching this guy for while now.  I LOVE his videos!  He usually answers in the comments if you have questions.  I wish he'd do a video on his clothes.