I've recently lost everything at the breakdown of a narcissistic relationship, and am pregnant with my third and going to get my tubes tied after.
I owned a tattoo studio, making really great tattoos (@chaisunlee.tattoos) was living somewhere where I volunteered frequently at an urban farm and garden, and had many little projects to develop my homesteading skills from where I was at. I recently moved to get away from the chaos and regain my sense of self, so I can be a good mother to my children.
Honestly, I feel beaten, but I know there's a silver lining. I'm rebuilding myself, with the difficulties of an upcoming newborn baby.... I am gradually making plans to afford a bus, so that my children and I can live with low overhead and travel and temporarily work on farms and homesteads while I make art or do part-time work for money and part-time work volunteering.
It's a bit scary. I'm sure I will have to have good travel companions for our security. Mostly, I've been hesitant to set my mind to something again, as things have been so hard to lose. I'm dead set on being single until I find a man or a woman who truly can be a teammate and that I love passionately.
In the mean time, I'm lonely. I want a friend. If it develops into something healthy and more, I'd be happy for that. Unlike my last several years, I'm no longer committed to my studio or the place I was living, so even though my life is in shambles, I have the unique freedom of being able to join someone's life easier, if it were truly right.
I know a smart and beautiful woman with two kids who did as such, and met a good man on Permies who has his own homestead and joined him there after a long while of talking and visiting. She was scared too, as she had also experienced intense abuse. But she showed me it was possible to find something good, and I am grateful for that example.
If anyone would like to talk, and be a phone friend, I'd like to explore that. I am attracted to men and women and also respectfully and able to just be friends with men and women.
Much love and admiration for those on this site, pursuing conscientious lifestyles,
Chai
