Sarah Koster wrote:
Hi Richard! Yes I am more comfortable talking publically at first and progressively moving to more private means of communication. Basically if I enjoy talking to you in public, I'll eventually feel comfortable talking via PM, and if that goes well, then I'd consider contacting you via phone. I'd rather limit interactions to what you're willing to say publically at first, so like.... people don't be double dipping and making stuff up and whatnot. Please don't take that personal, I've had horrible experiences with dudes in my life so far. I want to see how open and honest people are in front of everybody, not in secret. Okay??? So if you're still interested you can tell me whatever about yourself seems most important to you.
May I hijack your thread in order to better understand what you mean by the above statement? First of all, I am not a potential suitor, hence the hijacking, so if I'm out of place here I sincerely apologize. But if I was a suitor, and being a very personal sort, I might be hesitant to write anything to you at all if it meant that everyone else would read it as well. As I write to you I would have the understanding that a lot of other people would be reading my thoughts as well. I'm not sure that what I write would be what I actually want to portray.
For example, if you and I were to go out to a restaurant and sit in a booth, I would be comfortable talking to you in that crowd as I doubt anyone would be interested in our conversation as everyone is having their own conversation so ours would be relatively private. I would say what's on my mind without hesitation. But sharing my thoughts in a public forum is different. It would be like everyone in the restaurant gathered around us giving us their full attention, hearing every word. Again, I'm a very private person and I believe that my personal life is nobody's else's business. I don't want anybody else to know my personal stuff, only those whom I choose. And the information they get is a slow process, because the human race prey on other humans for personal gain. I don't mind sharing my beliefs with the world at large but when it comes to personal and private things, nobody gets that until I know I can trust them with that information; that they won't use it against me and for personal gain.
It's hard to know who we can trust and who we can't. Especially on a dating site or a singles forum. And if I may be so bold Ma'am, you have the disadvantage over everyone else because you are the one looking for someone. You may be susseptable to words that are written to you. And if someone is cunning enough, it doesn't matter if it's written in front of public view or in private. They are still going to achieve their end game, whatever that might be, for good or for bad. Again, I apologize if I'm out of line here, but if I'm not and you are not offended by my intrusion, since I shared my thoughts on the matter, will you please share yours with me?
Maybe it's as simple as- if they are willing to show the world they are interested in you, and spend that time with you in front of the whole world, that they are worthy of further discussion in private? Help me understand a woman's perspective.