Nina Jay

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since May 19, 2010
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Recent posts by Nina Jay

Trace Oswald wrote:
I don't know if this is a "thing" but when we go out to eat, my lady sometimes has to order for me, especially at fast food places.  I have to tell her what I want quietly before we get in line and she has to order.  If they have a question, I can nod but usually only to her.  I sometimes have to pretend I can't talk because I can't make myself talk to the workers.  Other times I can talk.  I don't know wtf is wrong with me.  

I recently started therapy with a new therapist (I've already been in therapy before, for years, and it has been very helpful. Now I'm again at a very stressful phase in my life so I started therapy again and as my old therapist has retired I had to look for a new one, and thankfully I found a great one!).

What you said reminded me of what I'd say to my therapist, ie. what is wrong with me, when describing an odd symptom of some kind.

My new therapist encouraged me to ask instead: What is this trying to tell me? She also instructs me to take a deep breath, put my hand on my heart and ask "What do you want me to know?"

I don't know if this applies to you at all but for myself, because of my past, I'm inclined to always think I'm crazy or there's something wrong with me. But sometimes it's not a matter of anyone being crazy, it's just that something is not right and the symptoms are the clues that I need to change something in my life.
5 days ago
Your post was very helpful to me, thank you Jennifer! The level of practical details was especially helpful.

I think that part of the challenge with many introverts (like myself) is to: 1) get to know our own needs in detail so we can communicate them and 2) communicating them to others.

I can see from posts on this thread that using "I" sentences works well. I think the key is though, whatever the words used, to try and arrange (negotiate) the practical living arrangements so that they work for oneself. Hoping that others will sense my needs or get the hint when I want some alone time hasn't worked for me. And if I really think about it, I don't actually even want it to work, because then I'd have to guess other people's needs all the time too, and that gets exhausting pretty soon.

2 weeks ago

Trace Oswald wrote: All I see is a clever image that features a beautiful woman tastefully posed on rocket mass heater.  But that's just me.

That is what I saw too, that was my first thought. The second was: wow, this picture illustrates really well how warm the mass can be, one can lie naked on it and not get cold. The third thought that ran through my mind was that this picture may motivate many men to build one so they can see their wife/ girlfriend naked more often

In no way did I think the photo was offensive.

There are many religions in which showing pictures like this would be offensive. So I get that somebody might find the image disrespectful of their beliefs. What they choose to do about this fact is another matter altogether. Expressing their feelings about how offended they are is okay in my opinion, if done politely. Claiming that Paul shamed them, called them ugly names and disregarded them, when he de facto* didn't, is not okay, in my view.

*edit for clarity: I wasn't there, but Paul said he didn't and I have zero reason to doubt it, because I haven't in all these years on Permies witnessed him do that to anyone. So that's a fact for me. Also, if I did feel Paul was the kind of person likely to shame people and call them ugly names, I wouldn't be hanging out here on this forum. I quite frankly couldn't deal with something like that, being the sensitive person that I am.
2 months ago

Jennifer Richardson wrote: “projecting the shadow”: when the things that one hates most vehemently about another person are actually the things that are most hated about oneself and hidden from one’s own conscious self-image (one’s “shadow self”), projected onto that other person.

I think this is very true, a lot of the time. Especially when the feelings are very strong, then I suspect this is what is behind it. An inconvenient truth but truth nevertheless.  I might add that feelings of hate are in themselves not "bad", they can be a good thing and give you the motivation to do something positive too. It's when those feelings of hate are not acknowledged & processesed internally, but thrown at other people instead, that they become a problem. I think. This is my current understanding at least In no expert in psychology, just a keen student.
2 months ago
I recommend scything initially because I found that when scything I got to know our pastures really well. I got a feel for how thick the grass was in each place and what the understory looked like. Was there moss growing (sign of acidification) for example. All of these things helped me to decide where to put the chicken tractor first and foremost. I was able to make better decisions as to which areas could be left alone for a while and which needed immediate attention.

If things get out of hand and you don't have time to scythe, could you ask a neighbour to come with his tractor, maybe in exchange for something, or just paying him to do it? In the end it may be cheaper than buying machinery that needs parts and maintenance and that you may find you don't even need once you get the rotations going. Another idea that comes to my mind would be to rent the machine you need, for those (if just a few) days that you need it.

2 months ago
Yay!!! Congratulations guys!!! Congratulations all of us who want to see permaculture get off the ground!

P.S. I can't believe how awesome and generous the rewards are, especially the earlybird rewards!
2 months ago
I sympathize! It is horrible noise pollution, not to mention other forms of pollution. And so often!

I'm afraid I don't have any real solutions, apart from what was already mentioned: earplugs.

Most of our neighbours here on the countryside are really nice and very quiet. We do have one close neighbour though, who although nice, has two sons who a) drive like maniacs and b) like to rev their engines in their front yard, sometimes for an hour. I guess they're tweaking the engines or something (I know nothing about cars). She also has a dog who barks a lot.
My neighbour has asked me if the noise the boys or the dog make disturb us.
I always lie: "No."
Why? Because in our previous homes our neighbours complained about our dog. And I felt it totally ruined the joy of living there. We did what we could so the dog would bark less but in the end, dogs are dogs and they bark and we couldn't stop it completely. The feeling of being a disturbance to your neighbours was not nice.
I lie because I think telling the truth would only make her feel bad and in the end I don't think our neighbour could stop her boys from doing what they love. I know other neighbors have already complained about the boys' behavior and it hasn't changed, so I don't think voicing my real opinion would help either.

Another reason why I refuse to complain is: we make some noise too! I want us to be able live like we want. Our roosters and our kids make a lot of noise. She doesn't complain about that.

I guess what I'm saying is that I think it's worth considering the situation carefully from all sides before saying anything about it.

But it does suck, and you have my sympathies!

2 months ago
What a great idea! The next poster will get a letter from Finland
2 months ago
I'm grateful for David Holmgren for the apology. At the same time, I feel like apologizing to my children for what my generation has left them with.

The way I see it, the point of these apologies is simply to let go of the belief that we know it all.

To me, David Holmgren's thoughts are about challenging the arrogance that we humans (of all generations) have.

I recognize that same arrogance in myself. I try to remind myself that I don't know what the "ideal" way for humans to live on this planet is. I may think it's permaculture but my children may not agree when they grow up.
2 months ago
Busy spring time means limited time for reading, but I'm on page 45 of my ebook now and I can already warmly recommend this book!

I found the nutrition part particularly interesting. I've studied nutrition quite a bit, but I didn't know e.g. about the different needs for copper of different goat breeds or how the lack of potassium may manifest itself in goats.

It just so happens many Finnish soils are  deficient on copper too, just like the Australian soils Kate mentions.

The book is well written, a joy to read, a great gift for any goat owner.