Dale Hodgins

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since Jul 28, 2011
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Dale Hodgins currently moderates these forums:
I've worked in demolition and salvage, construction, real estate, ... Currently developing bus business and expanding my knowledge on a wide array of subjects related to land development and ecologically sound energy and food production. I'm a hard core skeptic and strong believer in science. Athiest, idealist, pragmatist, inventor, thinker, learner. Developing a grand plan for turning my property into a model of energy and resource efficiency.
Victoria British Columbia-Canada
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Recent posts by Dale Hodgins

I mentioned bruised feeling earlier.

This has come up for me recently, but in the weirdest way. I have had several relationships in this city, in the last few years. All were with women close to my age. And now several of them know that I have been quite successful in pursuing women vastly younger than they are. In each case, we parted on good terms, but now two of them have decided to be quite unhappy about what I'm up to. I wasn't pursuing these women while I was in those relationships. I guess it's given them something to think about. Both have really let themselves go physically. So instead of being happy for me, they are resentful. I don't know that there's much I can do about this. It's not something I tried to tell them about. But inevitably, when you bump into somebody and they find out that you've been involved in online dating, they want to know about it. And the first thing everyone wants to know is, how old is she. They don't ask, what does she do for a living? Or what do you have in common? Or what is it you like best about her? Instead they look for a criteria where they come out the loser in any sort of comparison.

A couple of my brothers have poked fun at my expense, although they know it's like water off a duck. Their wives, on the other hand are quick to point out that I'm a shallow Beast, and my behavior is not to be emulated.
........
So, I guess the idea that young guys need pointers on this stuff, has been brought into question. When I first decided to write this thread, it was after reading several very poorly put together personal ads that were produced by young men. I read those things and I think, could these possibly work?

So I ask again. Does anyone have other ideas to help improve their game? They already know to be polite and to just be themselves. Somebody told them that in kindergarten. So I'm asking do you have actual things that they could do. Specific actions or gimmicks or what have you, that will help them meet women. I'm talking about how to meet them. Not what to do after that.

I'm going back to sleep now. I woke up in the middle of the night and decided the world needs more of my wisdom. I'm sure I'll find that many disagree. :-)
Two of the young girls who work at the coffee shop where I go often in the morning, were casually complaining about the various unpleasant aspects of their jobs. I remarked that I don't know why either one of them gave up modeling to pursue this. One of them said, Dale, you are so bad, but with a big smile on her face. She knew that I wasn't hitting on them. I see them almost every morning and they are 30 years younger than me. So I don't think the suggestion that they could both make it as models was sleazy in any way. I was given free samples of three different types of cookie. By the time you've eaten three samples, you don't need to buy one.
I see that Judith arrived while I was in the middle of writing my little book.

Awkwardness. I'm guessing that many happy relationships have never taken place, because those people didn't meet. And the reason is the young man's fear of that awkwardness. So he sits there and says nothing and does nothing, and the girl he is interested in walks out of his life.

Here's something I've done a few times, but I'm only going to tell you about the two where I know it worked out.

I was seated in a public place a couple years ago and a young man started chatting with a young lady while they were both putting milk and sugar in their drinks. It went on for at least five minutes. It was clear to me that this was their first meeting. They continued chatting until finally, the young girl said, I'm going to have to get to work. And the young fellow said okay, nice meeting...
And that's where I intervened. I got up and said hello, this young man has no game. I'm going to take your man card now. And I pretended to take his man card just like they do on that show Scrubs. Then I said, what he meant to say was not okay goodbye then. What he wanted to do was to ask for your phone number so that you could get together another time. And that's exactly what happened. I met them walking down the sidewalk a few weeks later.

I know one of the people in this next story. Spencer is a young man who works at the branch dump where I regularly get rid of organic waste. He often helps people to unload their organic waste when he's not busy running the compactor. He hit the jackpot one day, when he ended up helping the young lady that he was obviously interested in. I watched the two of them slowly unload the truck, a few branches at a time as they chated about this and that. As the truck became almost empty, I realized that Spencer was not going to make his move. So, I asked the young lady. Do you know why Spencer has been taking so long unloading your truck, but he hasn't made his move? And then I answered for her. It's because he works here and he's not allowed to hit on the women who show up to unload. But if you were to give him your number, I'm sure he would call. They exchanged numbers and now I can dump two or three loads a day, even though the city says you're only allowed one load a day. So it appears that we all were winners in this little interaction.
When I was quite young, I made a serious misstep, in who I married. I believe that a big part of why that happened, was that I didn't know a lot of women, because my ability to meet them was limited. I have always worked in completely male-dominated work environments and I've never been a consumer of alcohol.

So I wasn't going to meet women at work and it wasn't going to meet them at the bar. Many fellows in my position might meet them at church. That happened with me, but I've been an Atheist since I was 8 years old. This made interactions with these girls difficult. The woman I eventually married, was a member of my parents church. We both decided that the religion wasn't that important, but for very different reasons. It wasn't important to me, because I saw it as a remnant of a more primitive time in our history, that would fade away in time. If I look at what's happened with the country of Ireland since the time when I got married, this certainly seems to be the case. But it didn't happen within my relationship. My ex-wife believed that I would eventually see the light. I stayed the same, but she got deeper into it and eventually very resentful of my unwillingness to budge. It really deteriorated quickly, when my oldest daughter made it clear that she hadn't bought into any of her mother's beliefs. Now both daughters are grown and well-educated. Both are atheists, and this isn't something I had to do. To me it's a natural progression. It has caused nothing but strife between them and their mother. I see the girls several times a week. They have to be prodded into seeing their mother sometimes. So, I believe that it is very important for young guys to have the opportunity to meet a wide variety of women, so that they can become more evenly matched than I was.

I haven't had that inability to meet women, since my divorce which was over 20 years ago. Now, I bump into women every day, and there are many electronic tools to help a fellow out.

These changes in the dating scene, have certainly made it easier for people to connect. But I think in most situations, the man is still expected to make first contact, and to not fall flat on his face in the process. He needs to have some game. A big part of that, would seem to be choosing suitable candidates. That's part of why I think real estate is so important. If you really like drinking, look for a girl at a bar. If you're really into religion, try the church. But the main thing is, cast a wide net. This doesn't mean that you have to marry all of these women or bang them all. Just take the simple steps required to meet them. If you meet one or a hundred of them who are somehow put off by your attempts, that is water under the bridge. There will be many more who are either open to getting to know you or who will simply take it as flattery and then tell you they have a boyfriend. In fact, it doesn't even usually come to that. I have experienced some of the softest rejections imaginable. Women who are all smiles and quite chatty, even after they have revealed their status. A few have even said that they wish they were single right now! One told me that she's going to let her husband know that she's still got it. So, I think the number one thing is to get over fear of rejection. I haven't experienced a really negative rejection in years. In fact it's almost always me doing the rejecting, but in such a subtle way, that the lady doesn't know that it has happened. Most women that you meet, will not be right for you, for a litany of reasons. I don't go into these things expecting to produce a marriage proposal right away. So, most times the person you meet won't be mr. or mrs. right. I have found myself chatting with women who are in the middle of a messy divorce, with others who are moving back to California in a month and with some who appear to have mud between their ears. But that doesn't mean that we can't have a chat, which could lead to something. If you find you've met one who is absolutely unsuitable, it's pretty easy to have a pleasant chat and just don't bring up the idea of going on a date or anything of the sort. They may think that you've dropped the ball and have no game, when in fact you have wisely chosen not to pursue someone unsuitable. I think it's important for young men to learn how to cast a wide net, but to also be careful not to bruise the ones that he throws back.
So, I think we have established that shirtless photos are not the way to go on a dating site. Something I haven't done but that I had definitely thought about.

I have my own bias when checking out women on those sites. I skip by those who are wearing an inordinate amount of makeup. I also skip any that appear to have had breast augmentation.

And I'm glad I live where I do, where I have many pleasant interactions with strangers who sometimes become friends.
I wasn't hitting on anybody. Don't think I've ever had any luck extracting a woman from a group situation. They came in together and left together. There were smiles all around. This was before I developed the girlfriend, but something as innocent as that could happen at any time. A similar interaction several years ago is how I met Linda. We dated for 2 years.
.......
I was having breakfast at the Starbucks coffee shop closest to my job 2 weeks ago and a girl who works the counter at a different Starbucks, sat down and said, "Hi Dale, I see you've been cheating on us and going to the wrong Starbucks. I've completely run out of dirty jokes." I had shared quite a few off colored jokes at the Cook Street Starbucks. And I always knew that they wanted to hear more, because they told me many of theirs. I'm perfectly capable of reading those sorts of signals. I talk to people. I'm not going to stop, and there's nothing wrong with me talking to people.

I absorbed so much bitching in my early life, that I seem to have some sort of radar for it now. Because I'm just not encountering much of it anymore. I tend to avoid interactions that I think may go that way. So there are times when I'm sitting right beside somebody, and I don't say much at all. When people arrive with a very friendly demeanor, like the two ladies, I'm chatty.
Nicole mentioned Jesus

I wonder if Jesus had any game? I wonder if he needed any.

If I was Jesus, I'd put on my Sam Elliott or Barry White voice, cuz I'd be able to do all the voices and I'd walk up alongside a nice woman and I'd say, Hello darling, I'm Jesus, but you can call me JC. And that might be it. Some of them would be smitten immediately.

I might tell them about the circumstances of my birth and the Immaculate Conception. But, then I would tell them I prefer much more natural, organic approach. Permaculture. Yeah, a guy could do all right.

Jesus would have had the advantage of knowing what they're thinking all the time. And he's quite a catch, an awesome provider. You may recall the Loaves and Fishes.

If we believe the nice pictures that Leonardo DaVinci provided, his Northern Italian good looks would have stood out amongst his Semitic brethren. So the girls would find him exotic looking as well.

He seemed a bit skinny, so I can probably bench more than him, but his ability to walk on water and turn water into wine, would surely outweigh that dubious skill.

If I could turn water into wine, I'd make sure that every woman from Jerusalem to Damascus knew about it.

 As The Story Goes, he kept it under control. Apparently, he liked the whores, but only in a platonic way. Such a waste, for a guy who had more natural game than Frank Sinatra, Mick Jagger, Jim Morrison and Russell Brand combined.
I must tell you about the guy with the least game of anyone I've known. His name is John and he used to work for me, filling garbage cans and dumping them in the bin and then returning to fill the garbage can again. That's about the most skilled work I could ever find that John was able to do without screwing it up.

John had this habit of approaching every female customer that came to my job sites and offering his services, to carry stuff and put it in her car how to tie it to the roof, or to help her assemble it at home. On many occasions I told him to stop it and to continue working and leave these women alone.

The final straw was when a woman bought something weighing about 5 lb and John rushed away from the work he was supposed to be doing, to offer to carry it to the car. I asked the woman, do you have any interest in dating a fall down drunk who fills garbage cans for a living? She didn't. And John dragged his sorry ass back to the garbage can. I explained to the lady that this was a constant problem and she had just witnessed a spanking. He was mad about that. I informed him that that's what would happen every time he stopped work to impose himself on my customers. No game.
There is a little bit of Education. Thanks Nicole. It's a fairly small survey sampling, but Nicole doesn't believe the type of pictures posted would be effective. I have never actually posted that type of picture on a dating site. But I did think about doing it, wondering what it would do for my chances.

Perhaps men are more visual than women. It wouldn't matter what a woman said, if the pictures clearly indicated that she was horribly out of shape, I would not click into the profile to read what was said. But again that's when I'm online where there are ten thousand choices. In real life, people arrive in all sorts of shapes and sizes and most people will say hello to almost anyone they meet.

I've noticed since I started working out that I get a little more attention, but it's mostly from people I know already, who simply observe that I'm looking different. And I don't walk around town in muscle shirts. Always long-sleeved, almost always with a broad brim hat.

Perhaps we should leave physical stuff out of this for now. Does anyone have ideas how they can help fellows with no game, where it has nothing to do with their physical presentation?

We seem to have determined that one liners aren't appreciated, although my history begs to differ.

So do we have other ideas? Not about how he can live happily ever after. But how he can make the initial contact, so there's a chance of striking up a conversation.
.........
Personal anecdotes. 
I don't think that Snappy one-liners are terribly useful on their own. They are simply an icebreaker. To me, their main function is to let the woman know that you are interested in her. She may be someone you encounter regularly, but you are faceless in the crowd. I think it's good to stand out from the crowd.

My most recent example of a well-timed flirtation, happened at a restaurant. A lady quickly removed her jacket, while remarking to her friend, that she was too hot. I was seated at the next table. She took it off and sat down 2 feet from me. A crowded place. I said, removing that jacket hasn't helped, I think it's your eyes that are making you so hot. Then I turned to her friend, and said, what do you think? I think it's the eyes. In your case, it's definitely the sweater. It All Happened very quickly and then that was it. An opportunity to engage with two pretty women, presented itself and in less than 5 seconds, I had both of them smiling. This didn't turn into a steamy threesome, and I wasn't expecting it to. In fact I wasn't expecting anything. This minor opportunity presented itself and I automatically responded. I went about my business on the phone, while they chatted. When they got up to leave, both said nice meeting you. The jacket went back on, so I said, now you're even hotter! And both ladies departed with a smile.
I won't be taking any of that advice.

I make my own financial decisions, so no amount of request for unneeded money would be heeded. I expect that we would always give the parents some support. They have invested more money in this daughter than in the other children.

The family home is getting old. It's quite serviceable, but it's made of bamboo. There's a real problem with providing any financial assistance in the beginning because it would be seen as not respecting the father who has worked this farm all his life and built everything from scratch. So I expect I would bide my time and then buy a compressed earth block machine. My intention would be to start off with a typhoon shelter, but eventually build a small home that we would use, and replace the family home.

The money that they invested in her education was a huge sacrifice. I will make sure that it's returned several fold. This family is not plagued by alcoholism or gambling, and she has assured me that it was never violent. So I'm not going to go into it with the idea that they might be no good. A good portion of my own family are no good. If I'm able to find a better family and join them, I will.

I would certainly never entertain the idea of supporting grown adults you should be working. But I  wouldn't have a problem paying the school fees for a number of nephews and nieces. But I think the way to do that would be to create a business there, that could be run by family members who farm in the local area. Just having that extra land, would be a big boost to that family and it wouldn't cost me much at all. I'd like to run a fish farm. Something with little or no input from outside sources. And I'm sure I could make find a hundred other things that I'd like to try, in a country where good labour can be hired for $5 a day. I could see building any number of alternative things from cheap materials, in a setting like this.

If she's handling money that I have earned it would be because it's something to do with our business. I won't be setting up a test like that.

She's not someone I found near the curb, so no need to send her back there.

I'm not expecting her to be like women from some other era. I hope that she can be a strong confident woman. I've never been interested in having a lap dog.

Her family requires a chaperone at all times, so I don't think she has much in common with the women you spoke of earlier who are all itching to go on a date at a moment's notice.