Leland Alexander

Good morning my fellow single Gardeners, I'm Leland From North Dakota Usa I’m 56. I was married for 35 years before I lost my husband three years ago. I don’t usually put myself out there like this. It feels a little strange.
The house is still the same, but it sounds different now. I didn’t realize how much background noise two people make together until it was gone.
I’ve always kept a small garden tomatoes that split if I don’t pick them in time, herbs that somehow survive my neglect. I’m not a permaculture expert. I’m just a woman who likes putting her hands in the dirt and feeling like something is still growing.
I lost my mother recently too. That changed something in me. It made me realize I don’t want to spend the rest of my years only talking to the wall and the grocery clerk.
I miss simple things. Someone to ask, “Does this frost look too early to you?” Someone to taste the soup and say it needs more salt. Someone who understands that at our age, companionship is less about impressing each other and more about being steady.
I’m not looking for rescuing or whirlwind romance. Just conversation. Maybe friendship. Maybe more if life is kind.
If you’re in this season too, you can say hello.

Nathanael Szobody wrote:Hi Leland,  I love your idea! Small,  beautiful,  intimate. Right outside your window (permaculturists call this"zone 2").

To answer your questions we need to know what climate you live in.

That Buhner quote is deep love how he flips the script on “invasive” plants being Earth’s gentle (or not-so-gentle) nudge to pay attention to her healing gifts. It’s like nature’s saying, “Hey, look closer, I’ve got medicine right here!” Makes me rethink a lot of what we yank out. Thanks for dropping that wisdom it’s got me reflecting tonight. 🌿 What drew you to sharing that one?
And ooh, the small intimate garden right outside the window? Yes please! That zone right by the house Zone 0 is perfect for something peaceful and personal. Right where you can see it from your spot inside, unwind with it daily. What climate are you in? That’ll help nail down plants that thrive there without extra fuss.
Hugs for putting this out there feels like a cozy little community brewing. with this.

Anne Miller wrote:Welcome to the forum.

Maybe you might want to include so night blooming plants in your spiral:

https://permies.com/t/248140/Night-blooming-flower

https://permies.com/t/58014/plants-moonlight

https://www.marthastewart.com/flowers-that-bloom-at-night-7548322

You are so sweet Anne! I paid attention to how you warmly welcome everyone on here so pleasantly, patiently and warmly and ofcourse helpfully. That's really kind of you. 'Even those questions that do not really make sense in my opinion'. Any ways The youtube video opened my eyes to more I would be so glad to hear more from you. Have a blessed Sunday!

Nynke Muller wrote:Hi Leland,

Gardening has always helped me get through difficult times. At regular days it helps me to unwind. Interacting with my plants always works.

I have never made a herb spiral yet. Good plants to enjoy in the evening are plants with white flowers or white in their leaves. They really light up in the evening.

For us to advice you on specific plants, it would be best to share some information about the location: soil type, rainfall, sun hours, climat in general.

To create a beautiful garden bed to watch, you need: a pillar; a filler and a spiller. So something high; something bushy, and a groundcover. Choose three different plants that you like. Select for different leaves and different plant structures. When suitable for your location, it will be an instant succes!

I will bet you will soon be adding more plants, or create a second garden bed.

Aww, I love hearing that gardening’s been your go to for getting through tough times that’s so real and sweet. It’s amazing how just being with your plants can help you unwind like that, especially in the evenings when everything slows down. Interacting with them sounds so peaceful.
I’ve never tried a herb spiral either, but now I’m curious! And those plants that “light up” in the evening? White flowers are perfect for that they really pop and almost glow when the sun goes down. Like moon gardens, right? Stuff like moonflowers (they open at dusk and smell incredible), angel’s trumpet for that dramatic vibe, or even simple ones like white petunias, alyssum, or Shasta daisies. Some have silvery leaves too that reflect the light lamb’s ear or dusty miller feel so soft and look magical at night so i heard lol.
For your garden bed idea, the thriller/filler/spiller thing is such a fun way to make it look pro and balanced! Thriller for something tall and eye catching (maybe a white coneflower or tall phlox?), filler for the bushy middle (like white impatiens or calibrachoa to fill it out), and spiller to trail over the edges (sweet alyssum or bacopa spilling white blooms everywhere). Pick ones you love and that match your spot soil, sun, how much rain you get and it’ll feel like an instant win.
You’re so right, once you start, you’ll probably wanna add more textures and layers or even another bed! It’s addictive in the best way. What kind of spot are you thinking for this sunny, shady, pots maybe? Tell me more, I’m all in on this now lol. Sending you the biggest hug thanks for sharing your heart with this.

Aww, I love hearing that gardening’s been your go to for getting through tough times that’s so real and sweet. It’s amazing how just being with your plants can help you unwind like that, especially in the evenings when everything slows down. Interacting with them sounds so peaceful.
I’ve never tried a herb spiral either, but now I’m curious! And those plants that “light up” in the evening? White flowers are perfect for that they really pop and almost glow when the sun goes down. Like moon gardens, right? Stuff like moonflowers (they open at dusk and smell incredible), angel’s trumpet for that dramatic vibe, or even simple ones like white petunias, alyssum, or Shasta daisies. Some have silvery leaves too that reflect the light lamb’s ear or dusty miller feel so soft and look magical at night so i heard lol.
For your garden bed idea, the thriller/filler/spiller thing is such a fun way to make it look pro and balanced! Thriller for something tall and eye catching (maybe a white coneflower or tall phlox?), filler for the bushy middle (like white impatiens or calibrachoa to fill it out), and spiller to trail over the edges (sweet alyssum or bacopa spilling white blooms everywhere). Pick ones you love and that match your spot soil, sun, how much rain you get and it’ll feel like an instant win.
You’re so right, once you start, you’ll probably wanna add more textures and layers or even another bed! It’s addictive in the best way. What kind of spot are you thinking for this sunny, shady, pots maybe? Tell me more, I’m all in on this now lol. Sending you the biggest hug thanks for sharing your heart with this.

Nancy Reading wrote:That sounds an awesome idea Leland. When I volunteered at Ryton Organic garden I sometimes helped in the Thrive garden - an area for sensory experience designed for people with altered abilties, and mostly maintained by a group of Thrive volunteers with learning disabilities. There were plants that stimulated the senses by touch, smell and sound, with bright colours and bold shapes. A bird feeder or watering station will attract feathered friends to visit too.
Gardening, and seeing a green area out of the window is known to be good for mental health and physical recovery (patients in hospital who have a view of trees rather than concrete recover faster!). You might like this video from Thrive about 'the cloud gardener' who started his balcony garden during lockdown and finds it helps his mental health.

That sounds really cool I had no idea about the Thrive garden at Ryton! Like, a whole sensory area just for people with disabilities, with plants that feel different, smell amazing, and make sounds? That’s so thoughtful. And the bird feeder/watering spot idea to bring in little birds… aw, that would’ve been adorable, making it even more lively.
I’m kinda new to all this gardening-for-mental-health stuff, but yeah, I’ve heard how just looking at green stuff helps people recover faster in hospitals and stuff. Makes total sense concrete views sound depressing! That Cloud Gardener video you mentioned? I gotta check it out now. Jason turning his balcony into this green oasis during lockdown and it helping his headspace… that’s inspiring as heck. Wish I had a balcony to try something like that lol.
Thanks for telling me about it it’s got me thinking maybe I could start super small, like a couple herbs on my windowsill or whatever. Have you done anything like that yourself?

Hello everyone,
This is my very first post here. I’ve been quietly reading for weeks, soaking up all the kindness and real-life wisdom on this forum, and today I finally worked up the nerve to say hello. My name is Leland. The days aren’t so bad I keep busy but the evenings… they stretch out empty. I sit on the back porch with my tea and the quiet feels louder than any noise.
That’s why I’m here. I stumbled across permaculture videos on youtube one sleepless night and something clicked. I don’t want a big vegetable garden that will stress me out. I want something small, gentle, and alive that can keep me company when the sun goes down. So I came up with this silly-sounding idea I’m calling an “evening solace spiral.”
Picture a little herb-spiral bed (I’ve seen the photos here and they look so cozy), but built mostly for dusk and twilight. Low maintenance perennials whose leaves rustle softly in the breeze, flowers that open or smell strongest as the light fades, maybe a few plants that quietly draw in fireflies or moths or the neighborhood birds for that soft “someone else is here” feeling. Nothing that needs constant weeding or watering once it’s settled. I thought maybe start with a tiny hugelkultur mound (4–5 feet across max) right outside my kitchen window so I can see it from the sink.
I have almost zero experience I killed a pothos once but I’m ready to learn slowly and kindly. Has anyone ever built something like this, even if you didn’t call it a “solace spiral”? What three or four plants would you put in the very first layer for evening comfort and easy care? Any tricks for making the spiral stable but soft on an older back? And most of all… did gardening ever help any of you through the loneliest seasons?
I’d be so grateful for any thoughts. Just knowing other permies are out there reading this already feels less lonely.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Leland.