Rufaro Makamure

I thought writing personal stories would show that little, seemingly irrelevant actions, are actually the things that shape us. I also thought it would help those that are making some decisions see how valuable their efforts are in the present time. I was wrong on this one. I still believe in this, but the effect of doing this is far from what I expected.

I seem to be hitting brick walls a lot these days.

I think, the time I spent with Apo digging deep into his past yesterday, especially how we talked in depth about one of his roughest times in his life actually had a negative effect on him. Before I could even share with him the nice responses today, he shut me out. He was polite enough to explain that last night he found it hard to go to sleep. He felt like the past was choking him and  as he looks in his life now, it seems like no matter how hard he works life does not give him a break.

I thought I sensed this, when I came up with the idea that telling his story would make him see how strong and consistent he is especially with his desire to grow his business and to care for his daughter. I also hoped he would see that it's going to be okay, it's just the times are really hard and he is not alone. I am backing away, and when he is ready I  will try to at least show him all your responses, I hope it will encourage him. He is okay though, he has just boxed and shelved his memories.

Anne, you can take a look at my other topic which I have been writing since 2017 I think. It's like a journal to me, I have gotten so much encouragement in some of my lowest moments from my thread and I still do. This is the reason why I felt it's would work for Apo too.

https://permies.com/t/1065/60834/permaculture-advocate-Zimbabwe-rain#3737405

It's just started raining and its so much wind and a lot of rain with hails stones. The switch from the high heat is insane.

John C Daley wrote:Rufaro, I saw your note about lots of rain a while ago and no water for the maize.
Can you capture any of that rainwater to use later?

We have 2 * 5000l tanks that capture rain from the roof, a pit for harvesting water and we designed the raised bed area to fetch as much runoff as is possible. I do admit rain water collection is something I need to learn more about as we progress, maybe by visiting different places with good systems and also doing a lot of searching on the internet to see how we can best take advantage of when there is rain.

Thanks, Nynke. The story is Apo's, I am just writing it down for him, and I will show him the replies, until he can write on his own. These responses are some of the reasons why I felt it's important to have him write his story. They can be encouraging or hopeful, especially when one is having a bad day and feels alone which is something that happens too often. Sometimes life can be too busy for us to check on each other, and story sharing is my way to either help anyone who stumbles across the story, or the author, as writing has a way of forcing one to self reflect. Also getting feedback from a different perspective usually helps when everything seems like it's crumbling. It's almost always, there is hope when one looks at his or her seemingly bad situation a little differently.

The female flowers on my pumpkin plant turned yellow before even flowering. I am putting a shade as its very hot these days and it could be the reason why. Both the female flowers had no bite or prick on them, also the white mould is not as much as it was, so it's encouraging.

I have started Apo's thread called "What it takes to build a legacy". It's not only when we grow big, are we able to influence others, but even when things seem to be difficult. Just living life the best way we can, can be an opportunity in itself for those that are around. Apo is creating an opportunity for us financially, but it doesn't mean he has his life figured out. I am helping him financially, and I definitely have my things jumbled up.  We are relevant to each other, now as who we are, and together we certainly can.

Everyone has a story to tell, and I have been made to believe I have to tell my story, so I will do this, the best way I can. I will start with some highlights on how I got to be working where I am now.

I am a peanut butter producer, which is an opportunity I discovered during the days that I was officially employed. I retired early so as to grow this project. I married my wife later than is usual, after I had retired. One of the reasons was that I had siblings that I needed to take care of, which stretched my resources a lot, and I also wanted to be careful in the partner I would choose. I did marry, but things did not work out in my marriage, and this was a really dark moment in my life. I moved from the capital city where I stayed to  Gokwe, which is a rural place where I would get nuts for my business. I went there with my machinery, and I would collect nuts and process peanut butter, as well as offer shelling and roasting services. I was just stocking all the peanut butter I made, and no matter how much people would tell me to sell the peanut butter, I could not. Selling meant I had to get into town, something I was not ready to do. It was hard for me to go into any town, I felt like everyone could see how much of a failure I was. I found myself drinking a lot, and I didn't care about things anymore, including my appearance. I found myself questioning God a lot, and there was a time I woke up and went to a shop close to the room I rented. This particular time, my questions were very intense within my brain, and as I finished the question, "But why me God in my head?", a cripple I knew called out my name, she was at the shop doorway and her face had make-up on and she had a huge smile on her face. "I was called to do a computer course," she said with so much excitement. She usually had crutches to help her walk, but this time, she was dragging herself on the floor. This got me back to my right senses. How could I complain, and yet I was able bodied. I again remembered a blind man I had gone to work with when I was still employed. He had been present at some point when I was conversing with another workmate, and we were  complaining about salaries and how life was not working in general. The blind guy was quiet throughout the conversation, and right at the end, he just said, "I wouldn't be in poverty if only I could see." These two incidences made me realise some of the things I had that were blessings. I had a daughter, and I did not want her to live in scarcity. She had gone with her mother,  and was moving from one relative to the other, as her mother had moved to South Africa. I knew as her father I had to earn a living and play my part in her life. I still couldn't bring myself to travel into towns, but my thoughts were no longer as hopeless as before. One day a colleague of mine who always encouraged me to try and sell the peanut butter I was making came and told me he was driving me and my buckets to the growth point, for me to sell my product. He got me to the growth point and offloaded my 50 buckets and just left me there. A truck came asking where I wanted to go, and I told them I didn't know, I was ready to go anywhere. They wanted money, and they told me to get in the truck. They were going to Bulawayo, one of the big cities. I had heard people talking about selling peanut butter in the Bulawayo market, so I hopped in. As we traveled, the guys who had picked me up thought I was joking that I didn't have a destination planned. Along the way, they started talking about how they had dropped someone in Gweru in the past, who had peanut butter to sell. I told them that I wanted to be dropped off where they had left the person they were talking about. When they dropped me off, I made sure to look for a secure place for my buckets, and I slept in the streets. I connected with a peanut butter seller, and I gradually sold my peanut butter. There was not much competition in this area, and this is what led me to relocate and move to Gweru. I grew and got a small place for producing my peanut butter, things stabilised and I took in my daughter. Since then, I  have not changed towns. My father told me about a cousin of ours who was in Gweru and I looked for her. We developed a good relationship, and now I am working with her daughter to try and grow my business into something that could be of benefit for not just me but for generations to come.

We had plenty of rain non stop a few weeks back, and now we haven't had rain in a while, the maize is now thirsty for water, if it doesn't rain soon, we will have tall stalks of maize, but without healthy cobs in almost all the fields in my area.

Mai Kumbi came with our first revenue from the beans. She is excited with what we got from beans. She is geared to work. My plan is working, she is shifting her focus from her usual business of the day and she is becoming more and more attracted to my regeneration project. She couldn't care less about the term, but the benefits and the approach to doing things is what she is buying into and I think it's still okay. The basic truth about our capability and what we can do to help ourselves out of poverty is all that matters, and it cannot be anything that doesn't value the environment where our wealth comes from and also people around us, who help in steering the direction of things. My challenge now is I am little stuck. The level of desire she has to work on the plot, is something I expected to  happen after I had mapped what to plant and where, for us to increase our revenue. I also thought I would have grown in terms of equipment. This has come so much sooner and I am a little panicked. This state she is in is a window I do not want to miss. Right now we are working to just get enough revenue to put food on the table without struggling. This month, we managed raise half of the amount she needs per month for her food supply. The unfortunate part is that the bean plants will not be giving as much because its been a while since we started harvesting from them. This means with whatever we plant, we have to wait for a while before we can get any product. This opens up a gap of no income that is not good for my plan.

With the peanut butter, again our stock is almost finished and Apo has just managed to transport the peanuts he got, he will be processing the nuts today and hopefully we will be able to get some bottles tomorrow. He called me and he is flipping on me , on the idea of prioritizing paying one person well for starters. I don't think there is any machinery that can replace a person in the success of a business. For example, everything in his little workshop stopped for him to be able to go and buy nuts. As long as we want to grow this business he needs more than himself. And anyways he doesn't know that by him just paying one person enough money for survival, he forms part of a group of people who "ARE THE CHANGE IN THE WORLD" again not that he cares, but I do and it's these little inputs from evryone that shifts things. I believe his business can afford to pay one person well, all it will take is a lot of hard work from him and that other person he will pay well in producing the peanut butter and then my sister and myself in marketing. I am yet to have another meeting with him on this.

As for me I went to the dentist today and I covered everything without any help this time, and I am so glad. I will be putting dental care routine in my budget , at least cleaning of my teeth. I am feeling the cost that has come with not having had the opportunity to visit the dentist in the past years. So with health, for mai Kumbi and us, we have to be able to access nutritious food and keep ourselves away from the hospital. This will reduce financial and time resources that go towards medication. I am a little disappointed though, the tooth I had filled is the one  that needed some filling again today. I still believe the headaches I have had in the past weeks have a lot to do with my teeth, though I was told it might be something else. I hope I am wrong.

My pumpkin plants are being affected by white mildew. The female flowers have started showing, I am wrapping them up with mint leaves, my hope is that the mint smell will keep pests away. For the mildew, I covered the leaves with soda water, I hope it works. This was after I had removed most of the affected leaves