Sarah Austin

Brody Ekberg wrote: Ill risk offending some, but am going out on a limb to say that you think it makes most sense for the man to be the tie breaker and that religions and human history would agree. I also agree that it makes the most sense, specifically because MEN tend to make the most sense, where women tend to be more emotional. Not that emotions are bad or less important, but they often dont make sense and are unhelpful in many situations, especially if they are overriding logic and reason.  My wife has made comments about how men control the world and women have always been subject to men, and that is precisely my response to her. Not that its right or ok, but that up until recently, survival needs were the most important thing in anyones life and your emotions have nothing to do with meeting survival needs. So naturally, society would be structured around logic and reason instead of emotions. The problem with that is that it has, in my opinion, led to a society of overly emotional women (compensating for not being/feeling heard or valued) and a society of men who are detached from their own emotional experience (Ive been there… for years). I think what would be ideal is a healthy balance of both. Embracing women’s emotionality and embracing mens logic and reason and using both together, not setting them at odds against each other or one trumping the other, unless survival is at stake!

Matt and Brody, could your assumption that you men are more logical and your wives are more emotional, and therefore you should be the tie breakers be related to some of your marital troubles? It would be interesting to hear what your wives think about that idea and how it has affected your marriages. If you want to get into stereotypes and generalizations, women are usually considered more emotionally intelligent than men, particularly in Abrahamic cultures that (to generalize) tend to condition men to suppress their emotions and discourage development of skills to manage them constructively and communicate effectively about them (as you also touched on, Brody). In my marriage of 23 years, I feel that I am the more logical one and my husband is more emotional, but with counselling, I've been trying to respect and respond more empathetically to his emotions instead of dismissing them as unreasonable.

In this context, Transactional Analysis is a useful therapy tool to consider. It could be that the person who considers him or herself to be the more logical tie breaker is taking on the "parent" role and the other person might respond as a "child". The main idea of Transactional Analysis is that healthy communication (and decision making) only happens when both parties behave like "adults."

I'm a permie living in an apartment in Mumbai and wanted to thank you all for the great ideas. To add to the discussion, here's a list of some of the things that I and my neighbors et al have managed to do so far. You can scale many of these projects - start as an individual, then involve your whole apartment building, then your neighborhood/school/place of work, etc.

waste management - composting (various methods and types of containers incl. DIY), recycling, creative "up-cycling", reducing waste, volunteer and/or organize a clean up (beach cleanup, plogging, etc.)

gardening (from smallest to biggest) - sprouts, micro greens, edible windowsill/hanging herbs, edible balconies, seed saving, community garden around/in your apartment building or on the roof, neighborhood community garden, school garden programs, volunteer on a farm etc. during a holiday

water - reduce water use (navy shower, dishwashing etc), reuse water from kitchen (from washing veggies, rice etc) to water plants...

energy - cycle, walk, use public transit, conserve energy at home (various ways), use natural light and ventilation

energy and gardening (stacking functions) - block sunlight from heating up your apartment by growing a living edible curtain (e.g. ivy gourd, blue pea flower etc any useful climbing plant on a bird net)