If your marriage is irreparably broken, then that is a tragedy. Your vows are dust, and your word is void. This is a major blow to your individuality, even as it seems like you are regaining it. If you do separate, use it to become less. There is no human who can make you more. Divorce is a horrible schism in trust, and I hope you don't have to go through it. Most are due to financial issues and your situation seems so. At the end money is just a thing, like any other thing. Don't pretend control = money. Communication is the art of talking with each other not past each other.
Do consider that point. I would say it a little more prosaically: There's much more going on here than the nuts/bolts that you (op) have listed out. All the detail is good, valid and important - I do not dismiss it. The details are what we get to work with, after all. But... There's much more to life than Permies (believe it or not !). And in my experience we very rarely have the grace to actually _see_ the most part of the cosmos we live in, the myriad and vast extent of the options potentially open us from our pin point "here/now". That's often because we have placed ourselves, or stake out, or fear to leave some position (identity) that seems, totally, equal to LIFE to us (There be Dragons Everywhere Else). Except... There's only a billion other ways right here/now - that we don't see. So making changes, evolving, will essentially always seem like becoming less, as TjJ puts it, cuz we can only hope and surmise our coming options. It can even seem like dying. IOW, compromising pretty much always looks like a real suck pit! C'est la vie. Can't see much out there, have to make choices (no choice _there_ cuz not making choices is a choice... gotcha!). Then we gotta have reasons and support or excuses or whatever to pretty up the choices we make (we spend a whole lot of time/energy creating that stuff). People are no way rational and mostly just want to stay in a warm bed!
I believe there is more out there than you can see. And I think it helps greatly to act like you believe that. Better chance of survival, if you will. Just be honest. Nothing works very well w/out honesty. So try to position yourself where you have a chance of really being honest. Like speaking up in a Permies thread - good choice, there! And the sure thing, slam dunk, perfect plan, big win you set up? It isn't. Not dumping on plans and dreams. Just saying, they never work the way you think. Never.
Why did you get married? Really. Nothing to be ashamed of, and no, you don't need to publish it. But you should probably go back there and try to get honest, because that might help you consider where to from here.
Your wife _knows_ you, in ways you don't have a clue about yourself. It's good to have people like that in your life - really good. The old guy who's pissed at you - maybe he knows you, somewhat, too. Worth fixing that up, probably; better move it, though - getting close to bucket time for him. Who are you, really? What are you doing, Really. What are you (or were you) _doing_ together, you and your wife? What are you making together? What _might_ you make together?
Somebody compared divorce to ripping plywood apart. Really good way to put it. I went through something like that and I wasn't even married, just tight for five years. Actually, my situation was a lot like yours in many ways. I still don't know if it was the "right" decisions - often I think not. But _something_ had to be done... A close friend went through a divorce and I can tell for sure that it changed him for life and not in an impressively good way. Not because of some horrible stuff before, but just because of parting what was once whole. So divorce may be your decision and, if so, it's _your_ decision and nobody can gainsay you - either of you. But while it may be the best and right choice, don't for a second go into it thinking it's going to be like donating the car that doesn't run any more.
And we go around thinking life set and done. Not. Maybe it'd be worth getting together, both of you, and taking some basic reasonable steps to see WTF is going on here with something important that both of you ponied up and got yourselves into. Together. It sounds like your wife is hurting (not saying you're not also). Do you give a flying f! and a rolling doughnut? Be honest. And I'm not insulting you. Often "feelings" wear out, while others there place. But love and caring is a decision, not a feeling. Even if you don't, maybe you think it might be worth looking into? Cuz you, well, could, maybe, be wrong about some detail or other? Not much to do either way w/out you meet, communicate, play fair, try hard and cut some slack. Probably a lot of slack. But maybe that's what your really want to do. Maybe. Or not. But IAC, there is a _lot_ more to life than a garden or a TV and it would seem to make sense for both of you to get alert and check it out to the extent you honestly can. Because, trust me <g>, you two have built something real over the last few years.
So what are you going to do to find out? Or is it time for a unilateral action?