This post has been on my mind. I read it and couldnt figure out at first what I felt about it, just that it got stuck in my brain. I just figured it out.
I know what my passion is, absolutely, and because that passion is so integral to life itself, I probably look similar to the disconnected person you described, only I am very connected. I live and feel and experience my whole life through relationships- of all kinds, that is. So, all of the things that I do (livestock tending/raising, gardening, building, singing, dancing, playing ukulele, making art, designing and organising and planning for future and present homesteading, home educating, self-educating, lots of food prep and traditional/paleo cooking, etc...) are just vehicles for love, for devotion and expression for what is ultimate for me- relationships. I suppose that there is a difference between the goal-oriented, freedom-seeking, purpose-driven person (usually men, but not always, obviously), and people like me, who really tried all of that for a long time, and found that freedom isnt enough (which is funny thing to say because freedom never is *enough*, being an emptying sort of thing), unless you consider that freedom isnt personally enough when there is another, higher, priority, like fulfillment. For some, completion and the freedom that brings, is first and foremost- top priority-, but for me, it is second to the abundance of fulfillment, and I find that fulfillment personally in relationship with others (and myself of course).
So, I meander through the doings, trying this and that, but not because I am lost or unsure of what I want. I know what I want, absolutely, but the doings, which I enjoy thoroughly and genuinely love (!), are really humbly in service to that higher priority of mine, which means that they are a means, and not ever going to come first, and certainly never going to be my first passion in life. All of that said, it is because of my first love, to live through relationships, that I am diligent in my skills-acquisition and and work. I want to give my best to the people I love, not holding back, but full-on, because I feel so good about myself and my life when I do that, and I feel bad when the doings occasionally winnow their way into first place. For a goal/purpose/mission-oriented person, this may seem lazy or like nonsense, to put accomplishment so much lower relative to relationships, but it really isnt. I had to find my way to this, from that other way, finding it wanting and inauthentic for me, though I have loads (immense respect) of appreciation for the other way, and for those people whose authentic path is that way.
I dont mean to be excluding anyone, which is why I am careful to be mostly non-gender-specific, but it is usually the men in my life who have found goal and freedom-seeking to be authentic paths, and it is a struggle for the women, who often get rigid and cold and unfulfilled in trying to exist in that role. I was one of those, but having surrendered to my authentic path and passion makes me feel soft and vulnerable and completely not interested in goals or accomplishments at all. And I feel really great this way. In my former path, I gained a lot of skills, and I use them now, of course. But, it was a hard road, and I feel so relieved to live this way now. I will never have an impressive resume or likely be called first to a build or design-conference, even though I can do those things, because I would rather call everyone over for a party and be remembered for how people felt when we were together, rather than how impressed they were with what I did. I dont think or feel that this is universal or better than the other way. It is just the way I am, and there is so much room for the other impressive-doings sort of people (I tend to really enjoy, worship, and love the male versions of these a lot a lot... to a fault).
So, I wanted to share because I felt like there was room for dissent in the most compassionate way from the no doubt unintended implications of the original post. And I know that this is a thin representation of the much more wholistic way that I experience my life, and feel in it, but it is probably as good as it gets for words in place of in-person interaction.
Thank you for the prompt to examine and clarify my own perspective, Paul. I always enjoy that. Even when I dont.
Im sure thats why Pauls post caught my attention.
