Cassie Langstraat

Yup! Double standards abound!

It's important to be aware of them and call them out wherever they occur. Because they are fucked.

Todd Parr wrote:

Not a judgement at all but from your perspective, is not shaving your armpits a situation where you really feel that you're standing up for something, or is it more a matter of it's just easier not to and you don't see a reason to, so you don't?  It seems some people actually feel strongly that they are giving in to something if they shave, and I'm curious what that thing is that they are giving in to, or giving up?  Maybe just not wanting to give in to societal pressure or ?  I'm very curious because to me shaving or not is so non-important.  I don't say that to downplay anyone's feelings on the subject that feel differently, its just an idea that is really foreign and hard to grasp for me.

It's partly me being lazy and not wanting to shave because it hurts and takes time. It's also partly a conscious decision to reject the societal norm (in america at least) that tells us that natural body hair is inherently *gross* and *unattractive* for women to have, but normal for men to.

Because it's not *inherently* gross or unattractive. Somewhere along the way, someone started telling us that. It's fine if someone thinks it's unattractive in their own, individual opinion, but I just think it might be important for them to examine that opinion and think about *why* they think that.

Is it because they genuinely think it's a hygiene issue for men *and* women? That's fine. (As long as there is no double standard there. I have heard the "it's a hygiene issue" argument used about why women should shave and I'm like "Oh is it? Interesting how men have managed to not shave since the beginning of time and *not* have it be a hygiene issue for them..") 

Or is it just because that's the way they've seen *attractive* women presented to them their whole lives? 

Just things to think about.

So, I got a bit off topic from your question. But the answer is this. Yes, it's the societal pressure that I am rejecting. No, I don't feel like it's the end of the world if I do shave. I am not that militant about it. It's just something I personally don't choose to do, and something I think worth considering on a bigger picture every once in a while.

Simon Malik wrote:

I hope that nothing I wrote came across as preachy, judgmental, or offensive.

I don't think it did at all! And I think the points you brought up were extremely valid and helpful!

It was part of why I brought this up, was because I was conflicted about whether to just suck it up and go with the flow, to honor my friends, or to not. So in the case of the one who seemed like she genuinely didn't care, I will not worry about it for her wedding. But for the other one who seemed like she might care a tiny bit, I will likely shave for hers.

I definitely want to honor and lift them up on this extremely special day for both of them.

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Response from bride number 2 has arrived!

I sent her the same message:

Hey you. I know this is ridiculous, but just something that I wanted to run by you. Do you care whether I shave my armpits for your wedding or not? You can be honest. Because I've thought about it and I totally will if you want me to, the day is about you lovebug. I promise I’ll wear deodorant either way. 😉

She said:


Holy crap! Sorry I didn't text you back sooner. I saw your text at work and then got distracted. You're so cute aha I love you! I really don't care ☺️ I would prefer it be where you couldn't see in photos but other than that I don't care one bit! You're perfect the way you are 😍😘


So...... She kind of said yes and no. Lolol.. I'll probably just shave it for hers then, just because I don't want to have to be like "um sorry photographer, I can't stand in the way you're telling me to because then my armpit hair will show and the bride said she doesn't want that." ahahahahaha

One bride down, and one to go. (and yes, I *am* in the bridal party for both of the weddings, just as clarification for some folks who asked.)

I said to my cousin:

Hey you. I know this is ridiculous, but just something that I wanted to run by you. Do you care whether I shave my armpits for your wedding or not? You can be honest. Because I've thought about it and I totally will if you want me to, the day is about you lovebug. I promise I’ll wear deodorant either way. 😉

and she replied:

Ha no I really don't care ! If it bothers people then fuck em haha ya I have a feeling we will being go through the deodorant because it's gonna be hot !!

Hahahahahahaha I LOVE IT.

Classic example of me over-thinking everything. HAIRY CASS FOR THE WIN. <3


PIT KITTENS PREVAIL:




Well, we'll see what bride 2 says.


I really do appreciate everyone's feedback. Like some of you have mentioned, I really was just curious to hear what people thought about it. Just an interesting predicament that I thought some of my permies friends would *get*.

So yeah, I enjoyed reading everyone's comments. Maybe I'll post one of the pictures from the wedding here.

WHOOAAAA!!! I LOVE THIS! Thank you SO much for all of the thoughtful, encouraging, varying responses!! I have only read like half of them so far but I am going to go through right now and read the rest!

I think I'm leaning towards the "just ask" route though, and I will make sure they know that they can be honest, because I have a tendency to engage in feminist rants sometimes, so I want them to know I defs won't do that if they say that yes, they do want me to shave. But yeah, going to finish reading. <3

Okay, I know this is kind of silly, but I'm curious what people think and I don't really wanna post this on facebook because my cousin is on facebook and I don't necessarily want her to see this conversation, but yeah, I'm just not sure what to do about this one.

I am in both her wedding and one of my best friends wedding this summer, and they are both very "conventional" as far as idk, body hair/make-up/ all that shit goes. They don't care that I don't shave, but like I am getting the feeling they are worried I am going to ruin their wedding photos with the forests that are currently under my arms. hahahaha.

So here's where I am confused. I don't want to shave because that just like gives into the fucking annoying cultural standard that body hair is gross and will "ruin" an otherwise nice picture.

But also it's like, it's just body hair, and does it really matter if I shave to make my friends happy? I think I am leaning towards this latter one, just because I feel like it involves less drama, (and weddings are so damn dramatic enough without my pit kittens floating about) BUT I just want to be sensitive to all the bullshit surrounding woman's bodies and want to stick up for that, and for myself too. But yeah, It's not about me.

Thoughts?

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