Cassie Langstraat

Trace Oswald wrote:

Dan Boone wrote:Whereas my default attitude is “why would we even be HAVING this conversation if they didn’t want help?”

Amen.

We all want some sort of help when we reach out to someone for support.

The thing is, is that everyone's version of what "help" looks like, is different. So asking someone what *kind* of support and help they need or want instead of assuming that its the same kind *you* want, is usually the best way to navigate this kind of thing.

This brings up an interesting conversation that has been coming up quite often for me actually.

I am notorious for getting annoyed when people give me unsolicited advice. It realllllly bothers me when people should on me and I take quite a bit of effort to avoid that phrase when I am giving people support, emotional or practical. So I've come to the conclusion that *why* it bothers me is this notion that these other people think they know better than me about *myself* and *my life* than *I* do, and that really irritates me because it implies I am not capable of figuring shit out on my own, which is very untrue.

But what I've come to realize is that it really only FEELS like they think that. Most of the time (at least for me in my experiences) they don't *actually* think they know better than me, they are just trying to be helpful because they care about me and want me to not be in distress about whatever it is we are talking about. HOWEVER, I think this stems from people being codependent as SHIT and not knowing how to be okay with the people they care about being in distress so they are *so* uncomfortable by your pain that they are taking great effort to get you *out* of pain when really they could maybe just sit with you and allow you to feel what you're going through and sort it out yourself, like a good therapist would. So really people just need to learn how to not take other people's distress and/or pain on and let people express themselves without telling them what to do UNLESS THEY SAY WHAT SHOULD I DO DUDE?

The last element that is tied into the first part of the previous paragraph is that I think I inherently assume people do not have good intentions. That's a whole other conversation, and I don't think I *actually* believe this, but it seems like my gut response is that people are saying I'm incapable when really they are just trying to be helpful and nice. So that's my own baggage that I'm trying to unpack but my perspective has kind of changed on this topic since I've started to realize that more. Of just like oh, yeah, this is annoying, but they are just trying to be helpful. With my close friends and partners though, I tell them that when I am in distress, I pretty much never want or need advice, so unless I ask for it, I usually just need validation and understanding and love in those moments.

Nicole Alderman wrote:It's so good to see you on permies again, Cassie! Your dailyishes over the years have me feeling like I know you (...which makes me wonder if people feel the same way about me now that I write dailyishes :o). I see a bio on http://www.elementalecosystems.com/about.html and it says you've got a farm and are raising cattle--so exiting! I hope life is treating you awesomely and returning 10 fold all your smiles.

Thanks Nicole! From what I've seen you've done a wonderful job with the dailyishes, and I'm certain people feel like they know you because of it too! :)

Yes, that is all correct, I am back living in Montana, on family property, a few hours away from Paul actually, and I'm raising cattle and doing the whole bit! :) Life IS treating me awesomely, and I appreciate you and everyone's support along the way! Truly!

Judith Browning wrote:Cassie and Zach, It's wonderful to see you both back here!
...and with such forward thinking projects  

Judith! Great to get a note from you. :)

hey ya'll, cassie here. smiley one back in action.

i have the great pleasure of working with Elemental Ecosystems now (a lot of you on here know Zach Weiss i think) and i wanted to share one of our new videos about a project we did in coastal British Columbia. it's a pretty special one, focused on water retention specifically to provide for the clients’ children, and for all future generations that will steward this property.

This is an incredible opportunity that my mother magazine is offering!

Note that it is for any permaculture site in the world!

PHEWWWW I have not posted an update on here in FOREVERRR.

I have been SO busy, I moved back to Montana and got cows!

Still doing the magazine too though, and this is our most recent issue and we just did an awesome revamp with our look, so now it's all sorts of sleek n stuff.



It is INSANE how far we have come and how much we have improved since we first started two years ago. (I can't believe it's been that long since I was bugging everyone here on permies every day!)

This issue has articles on:

- The Heritage Bread Revolution and exciting new developments in preserving ancient wheat varieties for the health of the land and our guts

- The North American bison and its relation to what was once the largest living carbon sink on earth: The Great Plains.

- A Practical Guide to Keeping Geese,

- How to Harvest, Process, and Use Acorns

- How to Raise Ducks for Pest Control

- How to Build a Tiny Home,

- How to Add Flower Cultivation to Your Farm

- AND SO MUCH MOREEE

Click Here to Subscribe to Print!

Click Here to Get Just Issue 09

Click Here to Get Digital Only Subscription

Yup! Double standards abound!

It's important to be aware of them and call them out wherever they occur. Because they are fucked.

Todd Parr wrote:

Not a judgement at all but from your perspective, is not shaving your armpits a situation where you really feel that you're standing up for something, or is it more a matter of it's just easier not to and you don't see a reason to, so you don't?  It seems some people actually feel strongly that they are giving in to something if they shave, and I'm curious what that thing is that they are giving in to, or giving up?  Maybe just not wanting to give in to societal pressure or ?  I'm very curious because to me shaving or not is so non-important.  I don't say that to downplay anyone's feelings on the subject that feel differently, its just an idea that is really foreign and hard to grasp for me.

It's partly me being lazy and not wanting to shave because it hurts and takes time. It's also partly a conscious decision to reject the societal norm (in america at least) that tells us that natural body hair is inherently *gross* and *unattractive* for women to have, but normal for men to.

Because it's not *inherently* gross or unattractive. Somewhere along the way, someone started telling us that. It's fine if someone thinks it's unattractive in their own, individual opinion, but I just think it might be important for them to examine that opinion and think about *why* they think that.

Is it because they genuinely think it's a hygiene issue for men *and* women? That's fine. (As long as there is no double standard there. I have heard the "it's a hygiene issue" argument used about why women should shave and I'm like "Oh is it? Interesting how men have managed to not shave since the beginning of time and *not* have it be a hygiene issue for them..")  

Or is it just because that's the way they've seen *attractive* women presented to them their whole lives?  

Just things to think about.

So, I got a bit off topic from your question. But the answer is this. Yes, it's the societal pressure that I am rejecting. No, I don't feel like it's the end of the world if I do shave. I am not that militant about it. It's just something I personally don't choose to do, and something I think worth considering on a bigger picture every once in a while.

Simon Malik wrote:

I hope that nothing I wrote came across as preachy, judgmental, or offensive.

I don't think it did at all! And I think the points you brought up were extremely valid and helpful!

It was part of why I brought this up, was because I was conflicted about whether to just suck it up and go with the flow, to honor my friends, or to not. So in the case of the one who seemed like she genuinely didn't care, I will not worry about it for her wedding. But for the other one who seemed like she might care a tiny bit, I will likely shave for hers.

I definitely want to honor and lift them up on this extremely special day for both of them.

New Society Publishers gave us permission to publish this amazing excerpt from Crystal Steven's new book, Worms At Work.



15 DIY Worm Compost Bins




Does anyone have experience with these different types? What's your favorite design?