I just love the wealth of info on this thread. I also know how hard it can be to handle significant disability (in my case a daughter). And books! Books! I love them, but what others have said about the internet is true -- the best info I've found has been from doing lots and lots of searches. You get a tiny grain of good useful info from each one. And for what it's worth, having spent around $400 on books, I still haven't found any that provide a really great and thorough 'how to' for food forest production near me. Even a book is only useful for that tiny grain of info it might have that's different to other sources and that adds to the knowlege bank incrementally... But mote by mote you get your mind around the whole. And then suddenly, it all makes sense, and you can dive in. (No, I'm not there yet...)
Basically I'm saying, spend your time building up the knowledge bank in small bits, experiment in small bits, and make yourself ready for the change when you're able to bring it about. (Besides, in a future permie economy those with knowledge might be as or more useful than those with trees!!)
So even if there's no acreage on the horizon, build up the bank of personal know-how, do tiny-scale practicing in your apartment/flat/park, and you'll find all that small scale rehearsing helps heaps later.
A silly example, but here goes: I decided a few months ago to learn to weave to eventually make a wattle-and-daub hut for chooks, sorry, chickens
. I looked up online everywhere I could about how to weave twigs, and made a miniature version to suit guinea pigs. It was pretty wonky and terrible, really, but I learned a lot and would definitely be able to construct a fair-enough kind of chook pen. (Sorry, chicken pen.) Even usefulness aside, weaving is absolutely calming for the mind. I recommend it!!! Great for zoning out while still making something. You can feel better about life and a day gone by if you've made one basket! Honest...
Back to internet — unfortunately I've also noticed that Google is tending to shunt the most neutral and 'free' info to the last pages (if there at all) while commercial interests climb higher up. Sigh. So get in now, while you still can, and do lots of searches, before all the great noncommercial stuff disappears or stops working properly due to throttling (I'm not sure what's happened to Feedipedia.org, but I can no longer look up anything on it...).
For just starting out with building a knowledge bank, I reckon focus on just a few or 2 little things, one a type of animal, one a vegetable/fruit. Learn how to grow and tend those two things (preferably ones that will work in the zone/climate you might one day inhabit). Don't worry if it fails! Change the thing that failed or work out a new way. Keep it simple! When you get good at those two things (even if it's just, say, raise guinea pigs in the laundry and one potted miniature apple tree on a balcony) pick 2 more things and get good at those. I should add, growing chia in pots might be more helpful than apples (though I love apples). And... don't sweat the big things. They're going to happen anywhere (like Roundup on kerbsides). People won't listen... Reserve your energies for yourself and people who might be more open to ideas so you don't have to waste effort arguing...
There now, I've been horribly bossy... Hope you can ignore what doesn't ring true for you. I really really feel for you -- but try to keep your sights on the nearest achievable goal (like 'today I'm going to learn to do one thing'), and slowly and incrementally you should be able to make it to the big ones.
And then again, just... hugs. Life can be so horribly difficult. You sound amazing to have managed what you've had to manage.