Thanks. The survival extension ladder and the tactical SHTF squash are running jokes.
I had to take out most of my crass humor for this series so it was easier to share.
Just for you folks, I looked up a funny rambling rant I did that was one of the first times I used the title "Adapters Movement" in july 2017, from The ultimate cargo bike, real men push bikes, article. I used it before but that was just to warm people up to the idea. Here is what I wrote...
"As this swirling, progression into the water slide of our cultural collapse, picks up, fasten your seat belt, crash speed, I can see the millennials Adapting this as a minor solution to their miserable lot in life. There is that word again. Adaptation.
(Warning- Un Grammatically Correct rambling Rant ahead)
I am prognosticating that Survivalism will go the way of grandpappy buried in his fallout shelter, entombed with his gun collection and WWII Nazi paraphernalia, like a pharaoh. Aged Preppers, no longer able to purchase “preps”, will huddle, squatting in their foreclosed homes waiting to be evicted under blankets, basking in the warming glow of ancient computers watching memory files of Doomsday Preppers while complaining about girlie men and young people nowadays. Collapseniks will be very retro, revisited as beat poetry in someone’s apartment bar where they keep a still cooking on the roof and turn the living room into a night time booze can, whilst sleeping on the couch during the day. And crazy Doomer Prophets like me, shamble through the streets in tattered second hand clothes form the 90s, ringing a bell, drooling a bit in my incoherent ramblings, “bring our your bikes! Bring out your hoes!”, while still holding a sign that reads “The End is Nigh!!! FUCKERS!”... probably scrawled in my own blood and feces… where people, occasionally feeling sorry for me bring me a bowl of squash and cabbage soup... until one day my body is found in a ditch with a saintly glazed over stare… and a rigormortised middle finger presented to the sky.
The quickly aging Millennials will be teaching the principles of the new Adapter Movement to the younger generation, on the far edges of the long abandoned suburbs, where they wisely started in their mom’s basement before accidently reinventing the multigenerational home. These will be packed with relatives and a couple of homeless trophy wives they picked up turning tricks on the street, with their children in tow, for food. With their couple of disabled uncles, back from some failed oil war of occupation, sitting on the porch with rusty shotguns at night to guard the gardens and the pool they repurposed, not for swimming, but to collect rainwater from the roofs, pitifully saluting to the soldiers that patrol the streets behind heavy machine guns, while they are all slowly taking over the abandoned neighbours’ yards by planting permaculture perennials and fruit trees while discussing burning down a few of the abandoned houses in the neighbourhood to keep the ex-bank drones and real estate salesmen turned crack heads, out while improving lines of sight.
Taxes will be even higher now due to the triple tax. Failed, bankrupt government still trying to pay a small part of the interest on the loans obligations they can never pay off. Payolas, in vegetables to the local police so he doesn’t find an ancient bylaw infraction to put you in debtor’s prison for. And then there is the tax you pay to the local organized crime group, the only tax that benefits you and you are happy to pay because they are the only functioning government in the area to hear neighbours disputes. And organized crime does keep disorganized crime out of the neighbourhood while they soak up bullets in territorial wars. You luckily can scrape together enough bling and produce to pay this all off because of so many bodies living in the house to throw body heat while a couple of the kids work in the now mega cities to send home some savings from their couple of dollar a day jobs, having made a cozy dry home in an abandoned car after ripping out the seats and engines, occasionally riding home on one of these bike trucks with a load of useful scrap metal, antibiotics, and sacks of highly sought after animal grade wheat for granny to cook up nutritional breakfasts. These bike trucks replace the abandoned “alpha male” trucks which have been pulled up front of the house, conveniently to be turned into raised bed gardens so it is easier on granny’s back to keep gardening into her old age. The truck cabs rotated between greenhouses for starter plants in the spring, solar water heaters in the summer, solar dehydrators in the early harvest and dry firewood storage for the winter. Except for a few Semi Autonomous large Towns surrounded by the few, viable, still functioning farms, worked by transient slave like climate refugees, the rural areas having been abandoned after the furry and feathered game was hunted to extinction. No longer able to afford transport or pesticide or tractor diesel or fertilizer or starter seed, Rural Refugees have walked to the nearest megacities hoping for any dollar a day job, leaving behind a nitrate and Roundup polluted wasteland haunted by homeless old survivalist patriots with bugout bags, turned cannibals and raiders. Occasionally, these Semi Autonomous Towns organize the entire population to spread out and beat the bushes to cull out these dangerous, self-made refugee survivalists turned threat to public safety.
Okay I got a bit distracted there…and I was mixing timelines a bit. So sue me. Survivalists seem to miss these transitional states anyhow…
Perhaps I am fancifully self-imposing myself on history. If the next gen do take up the made up moniker “Adapter Movement” it would be nice if I got a shout out as the self-deluded old guy that came up with the name, documented for posterity by some other doomer chronicler, in the same way I tell people the first ever use of the term “Prepping” came from the Foxfire book series. With any luck, the New Adapters will create a mythos of “no survivalist or preppers allowed”. Trust me on this. If you don’t, expect them to shamble back and try to take over like a bad zombie movie. Imagine the creeping dead in boony caps, empty 1911s open carried, using AR-15s as crutches to make up for their eaten off leg they lost in a survivalist food fight, moaning, “OPSEC… Shit Hits the Fan… the constitution… illegal aliens… militia rights… YOUNG BRAAAINS!…”.
Anyway, I don’t think the new Millennial Adaptors are going to be very forgiving of the next round of Timothy McVeigh like terrorists blowing us up to bring us freedom. Nor of the next round of Christian Reconstructionists, finally seizing their opportunity to impose a Theonamy on unbelievers, Instituting the death penalty on all things heretical, disobedient and gay, “If not by the ballot box, then by the cartridge box”. I think the Millennials will be rather miffed at the right wing Death Squads, that slaughtered the friendly Muslim family next door, the Kumar buddy they smoked pot with in high school and worked with at the Kwiki Mart for minimum wage to keep up with the interest on the useless student loan dept. They might just be horrified at the assassination of the kindly, eccentric old lefty professor from school. They wont be all Patriotic about the Ethnic Cleansing to save us from “Terrorists”. And they might be discombobulated about the new, random, house and person searches in the Dictatorship that follows…in a Dumbassed paranoids, SELF FULFILLING PROPHESY. What exactly did you think was going to happen? A ticker tape parade to the sound of The Saints Come Marching Home, and bitches in mini skirts running up for a swooning kiss.
OOPS. There I go again…Well, if you wants the soup, first ya got to listen to da preaching…"
I loved that rant. Hopefully Nicole doesnt have to swoop in here in moderator mode. Its for historical purposes. LOL