hmmm posted 5 years ago. Wondering if you still read replies? Did you find someone?
c Lynett wrote:Hello,
I am very new to this site but have a growing interest in permaculture and sustainable agriculture. I am definitely a novice here but am interested in learning. I have been doing the internet dating thing in the area for a while but have not found anyone with shared goals so I thought I would post here and see what happened. I am currently 35 but will turn 36 very soon. I am most comfortable dating men ages 30-43. I currently have a "regular" job in the Boise area but live about 45 minutes outside of town in an agriculture community. I do enjoy the city with cultural events and restaurants but I also very much like living in the country where I can work on projects and live what I consider to be a better life. I am looking to expand that country lifestyle into a more sustainable one and hope to acquire land in the future. I would very much like to start on this adventure with a partner in crime. I am looking for a man who is interested in this lifestyle but also someone who is balanced and likes to travel and enjoy cultural events. In short I am looking for someone who is comfortable in both worlds, rural and city but who wants to make the rural scene home base.
More general about me.....I'm 5'8 and have blue eyes. I try and take care of myself with a healthy lifestyle but do enjoy an occasional day with a movie and beer. I am a foodie and love to cook all kinds of food from all different cultures. I have an undergrad degree and a professional job. I am close to my family and still have hopes of starting one of my own in the future. I love to hike and be outside. I believe I am kind and considerate but maintain good boundaries and try to be assertive.
More about what I'm looking for....I'm looking for a man who takes care of himself and is active but not obsessively so. I am looking for a partner who is kind, loving, assertive, strong, honest, and open minded. I am looking for someone who speaks their mind and maintains good boundaries but manages to do so without stepping on others. I am looking for someone grounded and well balanced. Ideally this person would be up for living in a straw bale house in the country that we built together but think a week exploring NYC would be a great adventure too.
Kind regards. -C
Rebecca Norman wrote:
Travis Johnson wrote:This is a hard thing for me, because I grew up farming.
For instance chainsaws, I have been logging since I was 15 years old, almost 30 years now. When people ask about safety chain, or a chainsaw to buy, I have some powerful opinions on that stuff...based on my experience...but I must step back and think that these people do not have 30 years of experience either.
Sometimes I reply, but lately I have been finding myself staying mum because I am not sure if I should speak up or not. Should I? I got 30 years operating a chainsaw so I got some pointers for sure, but then again it is not in the same capacity as me either.
By all means, share your experience, but share it as your experience rather than as "You should do what I say." So like, in the chainsaw example, if you have extensive experience, you can say "I used to use [or Several people I know use] a such-and-so chainsaw, but I found that it was difficult to xyz, or I had a couple of close calls because of xyz [or whatever] so now I use this-other-type, and I'm much happier with it. It allows me to..."
raven ranson wrote:People come to permies to learn new things. There are all sorts of different kinds of people from all walks of life, all passionate about this world we live in and curious about ways to make it a better place.
Sometimes people come here with questions or ideas that seem like, well, like a really bad idea. The problem is, how do we tell them what a bad idea it is while still following the Publishing Standards of this site?
Here are some guidelines I've made for myself.
I think the first step is to take a moment to remember that this is a a safe place for gentle souls to talk about homesteading and permaculture. There are going to be some ideas that I find unusual.
The next step is to ask "why do I think that is such a terrible idea?" Perhaps they are simply at a different stage in their life. The Wheaton eco scale is a good example. If I tell them what a bad idea I think it is, will it slow down their journey towards a more sustainable lifestyle? Maybe they don't need to be told it's a bad idea. Maybe it would be more helpful to suggest other ideas without pointing to the bad one. Maybe it won't. Sometimes the thing is to ignore the topic and move on.
Sometimes I just can't ignore it. What then?
Well, there are lots of different ways to say something is a bad idea.
For example, maybe a person wants advice on how to get rid of their dandelions.
One reply could be: "only a stupid person would want to murder such wonderful plants. don't you understand what great help they are in the yard?" - If you ever see a response like this on permies, please report it. There are so many things wrong with it.
First, it's a direct attack on the individual (calling them stupid, "don't you understand").
Second, it fails to answer the question.
Third, it is not solution focused.
From the point of view of the answer, this dandelion murder needs to know what a bad idea it is and how awesome these plants are.
From the point of view of Frustrated-with-dandelions, this kind of answer is hurtful. It's provocative. It makes them feel unvalued, not just because of the attack but because of the way their question was ignored. This one answer can easily create an emotional block which causes Frustrated-with-dandelions to dislike dandelions even more and be less open to eco-friendly solutions like eating weeds in the future.
This kind of response fails to help in any way.
A more helpful reply could look like this: When I was a kid, I use this claw-like tool to pull up dandelions. I only had to do it once a year and after two or three years there weren't anymore. It worked really well. Nowadays, I use the same tool, but not to get rid of the dandelions.... maybe some examples of all the great things dandelions could be in the kitchen... Of course, I like to leave some next to my garden so that it encourages pollinators to visit.
This answer directly addresses the question in a helpful way. It may not be the answer Frustrated-with-dandelions was looking for, but it is a solution that Munches-on-dandelions knows works because they did it successfully. It also took the opportunity to open up a whole new world for Frustrated-with-dandelions. A world where dandelions enter the kitchen as beloved guests. Frustrated-with-dandelions may not think this is a good idea at this time, but Frustrated-with-dandelions now has had a positive experience. They got an answer, they feel respected, and maybe next time they see someone talking about dandelion salad they might be willing to try it.
But what if it's a really bad idea? Like super-duper-worst-idea-ever kind of idea?
I have a challenge for you:
Let's pretend someone wants to make a roof out of cardboard.
Can you say it's a bad idea but, and get this bit, it's important, say it in a positive way that encourages them?
Sonja Draven wrote:Yes, being with the wrong person for the holidays is worse than being alone but that doesn't mean being alone is easy.
And I empathize on the big family thing. I have a large family of origin and SO many good memories around it. It is easy to get maudlin thinking about how it was as a kid or even a couple years ago when my mom was alive and we would have so much fun baking and quilting together.
I actually still love this time of year and Christmas specifically even though I'm agnostic. Carols, tree, lights, giving gifts, food, etc. Lots of great traditions. But now most of my family lives far away so spending it with them isn't an option. My solution is throwing myself into all the things I love about it (see above) in the days leading up to it and then on the day of, I pretend it is like any other day (when I don't have to go to work) and work outside on my various projects or watch Netflix or read a book, sleep in, make yummy (but not "Christmas" food - I make those on the other days) etc.
Maybe next year will find me with a sweetie or with family but if not, this plan works for me. If you were in the PNW I would suggest we get together for dinner and invite anyone else from here who wants to come. Could be fun. :) Hope yours is better than you currently expect.
odessa steele wrote:
K Cee wrote:
odessa steele wrote:Thank you for your replies, I will email you. I am in the eastern part of the country right now.
What is your chronological age? You can say "20s, 30s, 40s, etc. And are you too shy for a picture so we can see who we are talking to?
I am in my thirties and this ad is mostly about looking for like minded people to have partnerships with, I will send a picture if I think it might be important to someone on here that I'm planning on meeting.
Right now I'm having a problem because my phone got broken, then my new phone quit working. I had this really old one I had that I was using but it ran out on its plan times, so I'm dealing with this and the usual bombardment of fake psycho repliers, sorry if I'm taking a long time.
Anyone know what the custody laws are for teens in guardianship? I know some of them are in situations they need out of and at sixteen I would think they could just leave, does anyone know? I think a farm is a good place for smart teens who've had a hard time.