The problem I see with modern homes is the size of certain rooms within.
It seems that some people have grand ideas about what they will be doing in those rooms. Those grand ideas are what increase the size and cost of homes.
For instance, I have seen on many "house hunter" type of show that a lot of people place a real value on the size (oversizing) of the bedrooms. This is just my opinion but in my eyes a person need only enough space to comfortably store ones clothes and to sleep. I have seen huge bedrooms with couches, reading nooks etc etc.
Which brings me to my next room, bathrooms/master bathrooms. I see huge bathrooms that could comfortably fit many people at once. At least in my opinion, rarely is a bathroom being used by more than two people and that is usually a husband and a wife within their master bath. All other bathrooms (children's, community) are historically used by 1 person at a time as no one wants their brother/sister in the bathroom while they shower or whatever. So a 1 person bathroom could be much smaller in that instance. Put the laundry in there and you have saved on the one use laundry room.
Different areas of the country have vastly different cost/square foot to have a house built. Lets say it costs $100/sf. If you were to collectively cut 200sf of space from those 5 rooms ( in a 3 bedroom home with 2 bathrooms) that would save $20,000 dollars.
You pay for every sf whether you actually use it or just walk through it. For instance, in an open concept house, I have seen great spaces between the living room, dining room and kitchen. That is dead space that you are paying for. I'm not saying It has to be crammed together, I'm just saying to be more reasonable. In some friends homes, I have walked through some pretty expansive "empty space" as I move from one area to another within an open concept design.
Removing the dining room and adding a little more space to accommodate a table has the potential to save major sf. Take a 12 by 12 dining room out of the equation ( which is small by today's standards) and you have saved another $14,000.
Rooflines. I see all these rooflines with multiple hips and valleys. Useless, multiple, Decorative gables in the roofline are another area of high cost. There is a lot of time and lumber involved in constructing decorative rooflines. I would not know the savings on that but just think of the needed material, time involved in framing, extra roofing material and you can only imagine the savings. I live in a northern climate where we get a lot of snow. Valleys only serve to collect snow and if not done properly can be the source of a leaky roof.
Kitchens and living rooms are where, in my opinion, you want to spend your money. That is where you will spend the majority of your awake hours with, again in my opinion, the kitchen being most important. Sure, Make them comfortable for your determined amount of usage but don't get crazy.Yes, Kitchens need to be slightly larger to accommodate a table.
Now add in the savings of the reduced the cost of heating and cooling, reduced lighting fixtures that save on electricity etc etc. and you have major saving on owning a house.
What I think is most important about building a house is insulation. I once heard someone say , " you pay for insulation once. You pay for heat loss for the rest of your life". No truer statement could have been said. Learn how to insulate and learn how to do it properly and you won't regret it. Do not trust that your contractor is going to do it properly. It is a rotten job that most hate and just rush through.
Some contractors are willing to work with some people and will let the future homeowner do some projects that will save additional money. Especially if they do not like doing them (like insulation). Usually, contractors hire an insulation sub contractor and then charge you (a lot), above what the sub contractor charged him. And all the contractor did was make a phone call to the sub contractor. I hope that is not confusing.
In my daughter/son in law's home the contractor let us install the proper vent, insulate the house and wire it because we had the basic knowledge to do it with a little help sometimes for complicated runs like 3 way switches and the like.
We caulked each exterior wall where it meets the floor to keep pests and drafts from getting underneath and through to the interior. Bend down sometime and look under a newly constructed exterior wall and see all the gaps. You would be amazed.
We spray foamed narrow stud spacing as it is difficult to stuff regular insulation in them. We spray foamed behind every exterior wall outlet and switch. We, not the contractor, hired a company to blow something like 24" of cellulose ( best in my opinion) into the attic which allows for some settling. You can even do this yourself by renting the equipment to do it. If you do, wear a proper dust mask. They have never had an ice dam on their roof and their house is never drafty. I have never lived in a hot climate but In my humble opinion, it is not taller ceilings you need to improve your comfort. I would think that improved venting and properly insulated attics are where the answer lies. Again, having never lived there , I could be wrong.
We painted the interior of the house. Anyone can paint. Might not be fun but you can do it. And it will save you A LOT of money. That alone I think saved them somewhere between $5-10K.
Again, Do not indicate you want to do some of the work before getting the estimate of the build. Let him give you the price and THEN ask about doing some work yourself. If he agrees then he should then start subtracting some of the cost from the original estimate. If you ask BEFORE you get the estimate, and he agrees to let you do it, he could realistically just charge you the same price as if he was doing ALL the work and you would never know it.
If your contractor is not willing to let you do this, look for another. But I would caution you to use a reputable contractor. Don't just go with the lowest price. It may cost you in the long run.
My daughter and SIL did not reduce the size of their large home but they saved tens of thousands of dollars doing some of the work.
I would love to go on but this is getting very lengthy as it is. I know that not everyone will agree but I just thought I would give some ideas about saving some money if building a house is in your future.