Jeff Maurer

Good idea, John. Thanks.

An interesting mini case-study yesterday...

I was planting some seeds in our garden and asked if my son wanted to join me, to which he happily replied "yes".

Now keep in mind he's six... We were planting seeds for about 10 minutes when 2 friends appeared. They, too, were interested in helping so I showed them what I was doing and they began to help as well. This lasted, oh, 4 or 5 minutes. Gardening time quickly became "digging up earthworm" time (which I was happy to watch). This also lasted about 4 or 5 minutes. Then it was, "Dad, can I go ride my bike with Connor and Ethan?".

"Sure thing, Buddy. Have fun."

This was an in-my-face reminder that I'm an adult. He's a kid. My interest in gardening is a reflection of this fact. His interests (playing, primarily) are a reflection of his age. This 10 minute exercise yesterday really crystallized for me his preference.

At this point in our lives, my wife and my preferences are secondary to his. He gets one childhood. It will define the rest of his life. I had my childhood. I can be patient in the pursuit of my next adventure. If nothing else, I have 10 years to plan it so I should have things pretty well thought out before we take the plunge.

Decision made.

We're gonna stay put until he's old enough to travel on his own. Whether that's at 12 on a bike or 16 in a car is anybody's guess but, for now, we're gonna keep him near his friends and do our best to live a green life in the 'burbs.

Thanks to all for the input. I sincerely appreciate it.

Again, my hope is to get feedback from people who have ACTUAL experience with this issue. With all due respect, speculating about something of this importance is not helpful to me nor my son.

When I said a 5 minute drive, I was referring to a best-case scenario where my son would, presumably, have a friend that lived only a few miles away. There is zero chance I'd ride a bike with him on the country roads where I live. There are people driving 60+ miles an hour down a two lane road. We'd both be dead the first week.

Currently we don't do play dates. There's no need to with all the local kids in the neighborhood. I'm just speaking from past experience (before Kindergarten) where a kid from his preschool would want to play after school. My wife and the other mom would arrange it. It would last an hour or two at most.

Where we are considering moving, the school district is very large and there is the potential that he would want to play with a kid 10 miles away. Again, no chance I'm putting him on a bike at 6 years old to ride 20 miles round trip on country roads with maniacal car drivers.

The reality of it (and the essence of this discussion) is, he will be stuck on our homestead unless we drive him to play with kids his age. He will be completely at our mercy for this and this is the conundrum for me. Shouldn't a kid's choice to play with friends on a whim carry some weight? He is, after all, 6. 6 year old kids aren't real big on planning more than about 10 minutes into the future.

Wow. Thanks to all for your candid remarks. I truly appreciate it.

I guess I'd like to address one of the questions that were asked:

I think I chose my words poorly in describing where we'd be moving. Likely, it would be near a town, probably within a few minutes by car. "middle of nowhere" was not accurate. It will just *seem* like the middle of nowhere compared to where we are now. My son will attend public school (he's too young for any time of magnet program as of yet) and is already involved in soccer, T-ball, gymnastics, and karate.

My chief concern, though, is that even a 5 minute drive requires Mommy or Daddy to arrange the date and take him to or host the play date. In my experience, play dates last an hour or two. Currently, he goes outside at 3 and stays out, playing with his friends until sundown, 7 days a week. I think he has much of the nature appreciation that some of you have described just in playing in the neighborhood. For instance, the last thing he was doing tonight before bed was digging up grubs under the cherry tree in our front yard. We have a veggie garden and a dog (no farm critters, though... evil HOA) In the Winter, he gets maybe an hour of TV a day. In the Summer, it's probably more like 15 minutes.

The thing that would disappear would be the freedom to play with his friends for as long as he wants to and whenever he wants to. That's the key issue here. This is the part that, to me, seems SOOOO important. But again, I'm open to the possibility that it's not.

I would appreciate additional thoughts.

Thanks again,
Jeff

Hi All,

My wife and I are considering selling the suburban home (including the .11 acre of land upon which it sits) to move to a homestead. As this has always been a dream of ours, doing so wouldn't be the slightest problem except for one HUGE concern... I have a 6 year-old who's an only child. If moving him to the middle of nowhere would result in a lonely and unhappy childhood, I simply won't do it. He's too important to us.

I'm open to the possibility, however, that it wouldn't wreck his childhood. So I'm hoping for some opinions and advice from those who have experience raising only children far from other kids.

Our current home is a childhood Wonderland. On any given day, there are no less than 20 kids playing within a hundred feet of our front door. Mine is the local house where all the kids congregate. He never has to walk more than 30 seconds to be having a blast with his friends.

Thoughts?

Thanks.
jeff