Singles' Challenges?

Hi there single permies, especially you ladies.  Hey, this might be fun, who knows?
Personally, I’ve found these “dating” sites to be kinda awkward and presumptuous.  While this might seem like a good idea at first, it just ends up creating unrealistic expectations while our imaginations go overboard thinking about the “possibilities.”
There’s nothing quite as honest as spontaneity, and that really can’t happen here.  The best romance you’ll ever see is the one that is least expected.  In my case, that would be a real miracle because I live pretty far out in the boonies and unless I happen to run across a forest nymph or something, it ain’t gonna happen.
I’m the guy who posted a request for help in finding a “homestead partner” a week or so ago, and I do recall some mention of “bed partners” and resulting comments like that.  Thanks, it helped me to see what’s on people’s minds.  In my case, it’s all just survival either way, although who wouldn’t want to have it all?
I hate to say this but I think people are getting uglier and less appealing to each other as time goes by.  It makes it a lot easier to tell someone to get lost.  All the junk-food, drugs, pollution, mental stress, are taking its toll on us.  Maybe that explains why there are so many singles floating around despite the global over-population.  Most guys can put up with a lot more crap from some chick if she’s nice to look at because at least she has some redeeming quality.  And what are most of the girls looking for… ?  Money.
Wow, that WAS fun!  I hope this topic continues for awhile. ~Denny 

OMG, that stupid picture came out HUGE !!!  Sorry 'bout that... not sure what happened.

  Isn't adult life like that stressfull and you have to make choices do you remember that film the search for soldier ryan there was a soldier who didnot dare shoot and his mate or one or two of his squadron got killed because he would not shoot. We have to shoot in the end. I men go verbally fo rsomeone to protect others .
  whats this about girls going for money men think we are whether we are or not and as a bully needs an exxcuse to push others around it suits him to find out that the other wants money and from what i know about adults they can trump up any case they are almost more than anythign else totally devoid of responsability when it comes to going for others any clue will do and checking out facts is just too much hard work imaginative and that in viciouse directions.It is always handy to find people desperately lacking morally and to accuse people of wanting money is to go a long way in blackening others it is an ugly fault and the sort of hitng you want to be very carefull before throwing at others.
Most of the women i know have sacrificed so much for men because it is the man who is meant to get so upset if he is not successful in his job oin a lot of cases it seems to be the man who choses the freinds and stays were his family lives a woman gets criticised if she drags her husband around and a man does not get critisised for dragging women around, i know one woman who is really mercenary. I don't know many women well.  I write as a feminist. rose macaskie.
     

I think this is a great idea for a new category on your site, Paul.  I was just thinking about this today:  how would I date somebody new, when I live in an urban area but have everything dug up like a farm waiting to be planted in the spring; I have greywater hoses running everywhere and am building a chicken run...I mean, it's a lot to explain.  Thanks for posting this. 

who wouldn’t want to have it all?

Now there's a Truth for ya!

You know, with a hat and a haircut, you could pass for Sam Elliot.

>In my case, that would be a real miracle because I live pretty far out in the boonies and unless I happen to run across a forest nymph or something, it ain’t gonna happen.
A bit of advice, if I may...try to be positive in a singles forum. Ladies, forest nymphs and the like  to hear an invitation with enthusiasm, fun, joy, and openness. 
so you might want to say, "calling all forest nymphs, imps and the like. I'd like to meet you out here in the boonies. you know where forest nymphs belong!

I'm representing all the women who think Sam Elliott is hot, by the way! 

its nice we have a celebrity on here,  this should help Paul's website views go through the roof. 

valorie the women must be stupid if they are wondering whether a man is ¡hot or not instead of whether he is nice or not, fun interesting .
  At school people divided into those who were toiughiies and those who were softies, trhe softies  did not always get together and hold into groups, when you meet dates do you know which group the date comes. Will a softy be cool enough for a toughy and will a toughy be nice enough for a softy these are questions that are more important than looks. Which girls or boys did you like at school, some sort of equivilent to the type of person you got on 'with at school would be a better way to look for a mate than the looks of the male. or fwemale.. Rose.

Opportunity wrote:
There’s nothing quite as honest as spontaneity, and that really can’t happen here.  The best romance you’ll ever see is the one that is least expected.  In my case, that would be a real miracle because I live pretty far out in the boonies and unless I happen to run across a forest nymph or something, it ain’t gonna happen.... ~Denny 

I have met some very "spontaneous" guys.... wouldn't necessarily link honest with it everytime.

I think online is a good way to meet people. What's in the heart has a way of coming out faster when writing and skyping than regular dating.... I think.

I have not been surprised so far about personality when meeting for real....   honest (or not) is the thing.... but enough time given to "talking" and any stuff going on will show itself. Personality definitely.... and in time even character.

Its just we are so tuned into how someone looks these days that gets things messed up and why there are so many singles looking for that magic fix. Marry for looks and chemistry with no foundational friendship when the rough times come to see a couple through. It's what is in the heart that makes or breaks a great relationship. Not physical perfection. My take anyway.

How do you upload an image here? Just gives me html... Am I supposed to have a pic online somewhere to paste a url in?

Chelle

When you are posting, look just below the post and it says "additional options".  Click on that and you will see the stuff for uploading.

O OK.... Thanks

Great comments there, Chelle, thanks.  Cute picture too.
Hey, are you sure you aren't confusing "spontaneous" with "impulsive"?  What I like about being spontaneous is that it tends to catch people off-guard, and that's when their true character comes through.  E-mail, etc., gives us more time to think about things before we react to them, so sometimes the honesty gets tossed aside.  I guess it all depends on the motives of the person.
A lot of what we expect in the "looks" department is based on what's being programmed into our minds.  Blame the mass-media for that one.
Personally, I prefer a natural, modest-looking chick, while some guys prefer the more painted-up, slutty-looking type.  Not that I wouldn't mind a modest, slutty one also, but I have to think about my public image too (because I'm involved in a high-profile environment as a horticultural instructor).  It all counts.
Anyway, you are absolutely right-on about what's in the heart, Chelle.  But I think our looks are significantly impacted by our attitudes.  I mean, it shows through.  It's much deeper than our choice of clothing, hair-do's, and other decorations, although those things also make a statement about our character. 
If I really care about someone, I'm going to want her to feel confident in being seen with me, not embarrassed by my sickly appearance.  I want to give her my best, and set a good example.  Good health makes any relationship better.  That's a good enough reason to avoid all the junk-food, drugs, etc., 'cause they take their toll on our physical looks. 
All done.  ~Denny

Opportunity wrote:Hey, are you sure you aren't confusing "spontaneous" with "impulsive"? What I like about being spontaneous is that it tends to catch people off-guard, and that's when their true character comes through.  E-mail, etc., gives us more time to think about things before we react to them, so sometimes the honesty gets tossed aside.  I guess it all depends on the motives of the person.

Interesting differentiation. When thinking about it, it appears that Spontaneous is seen as a positive and Impulsive is seen as a negative..... generally... but dictionary shows little difference between the 2. But I think you are right that there is a difference. The thing about motives is they can be well hidden by some which ever way you meet..... online or not. And online gives time before more obvious attractions make demands and can interfere with perception reception... perception reception.... LOL... that came out good. Anyway. I was really conned by one guy. He acted spontaneous in terms of response about stuff that really interested me.... at first. Really thought he was switched on to it. And I am not easily fooled. Well.... like to think not!  But was this time. Big time. Took time for the real guy to show. He was good. He wasn't being impulsive just showed such a quick warm and immediate response to the stuff. Turned out later in front of others and behind my back he said stuff that showed how it bored him. Floored me at first. Had believed him. Enough to get engaged. Obviously didn't stay engaged. Began to wake up from lalaland.

I like meeting people online. No chemistry to mess up perceptions as much... I think. And talking becomes the only medium of communication... so plenty of communicating gets done. And what is in the heart will always come through. Attitudes and worldviews. Personality. Interests. Dreams and goals. A real first base.

A lot of what we expect in the "looks" department is based on what's being programmed into our minds.  Blame the mass-media for that one.

Looks matter. Wasn't saying they didn't.... just that they are given a priority way out of proportion to what is really important... the things that will build trust and friendship. Let's face it. Looks deteriorate. Have to accept it. So there has to be more depth to criteria used in choosing a mate for the divorce rate to go down.

Personally, I prefer a natural, modest-looking chick, while some guys prefer the more painted-up, slutty-looking type.  Not that I wouldn't mind a modest, slutty one also, but I have to think about my public image too (because I'm involved in a high-profile environment as a horticultural instructor).  It all counts.

It does count. Someone... girl or guy... who doesn't care about such things .... doing the best with what you have....will not be one who is taking care of other things too...

Anyway, you are absolutely right-on about what's in the heart, Chelle.  But I think our looks are significantly impacted by our attitudes.  I mean, it shows through.  It's much deeper than our choice of clothing, hair-do's, and other decorations, although those things also make a statement about our character. 

There speaks wisdom and maturity... not the regular vote of the first-time-to-marry though. Who sees the harping nag in a pretty face if too little time taken to get to know what is in the heart? Amazing how much more a pretty face can get away with than an ugly one.  

If I really care about someone, I'm going to want her to feel confident in being seen with me, not embarrassed by my sickly appearance.  I want to give her my best, and set a good example.  Good health makes any relationship better.  That's a good enough reason to avoid all the junk-food, drugs, etc., 'cause they take their toll on our physical looks. 
All done.  ~Denny

Let's face it... a guy loves with his eyes. And she better not be dumb about that. Is the way he is wired... but I see often that he gets upset that she is wired about how well he can take care of her... and any future family. He doesn't want to choose ugly. She doesn't want to choose poor. If he is not able to go out and conquer his world to some acceptable degree she will not have confidence he has the strength for her and children. Basic facts of life if that is all someone is looking for.  He looks for beauty. She looks for strength and capability. Friendship is what they should first be looking for. A beautiful woman can become hell to live with.... as can a strong capable man. Integrate genuine friendship built on trust... and then beautiful and strong take everything to another level. And real beauty and real strength are perceived and valued. Is all I am saying... and took me nearly a book to say it. 

Wow, Chelle, I’m impressed.  It’s pretty rare to see anyone (male or female) get anywhere NEAR that rational in their thinking now-a-days.  If you were able to extend that into the world of political economics, it’s almost scary just to think how successful you could be.  Or in this case (since the topic here is single permies), successful in selecting the right successful guy…
Whatever, there wasn’t anything in your last posting that I would disagree with.  Sorry to hear that you had a bad experience with that one dude there.  Sounds like a con-artist.  Maybe that’s all part of this Singles’ Challenge, the learning experience.
And, I’m sure you’re right, it’s really all based on instinct & survival.  Which can be deceiving too.  Back in cave-dweller times, it was all mostly a physical thing.  Survival of the fittest meant survival of the biggest & strongest.  Fortunately for us “Pixies,” that’s not what it takes in the year 2010 AD.  Today it’s more like:  “the bigger they are, the harder they fall.”  If only they knew what dangers lurk just ahead.
It takes a lot more emotional ruggedness to be alone and that’s not always such a bad thing.  I’ve had plenty of practice, living so far out like this.  It gave me the strength to say “goodbye” to my last GF, just over 1 year ago.  She was cute but did not BEGIN to have the rational-thinking abilities of Chelle, for example, and in my world, shallowness & gullibility are kinda dangerous, so I had no other choice.
Well, back to work now (gotta make compost).  It’s been unusually warm here in Oregon this winter, so I have no excuse to be sitting on my butt with the computer like this !!!
Good luck finding your perfect mate, Chelle.  Hopefully he’ll appreciate who you really are this time.  ~Denny 

Always hopeful! How I measure success is a bit different to the norm. I believe in a kindred spirit out there somewhere.

We never stop learning. Well… I haven’t. Anytime I think I have something nailed… theres always a new angle… a deeper value. And particularly in relationships. I think we all have a blind-spot to some degree. I have accepted that. Need relationships to help us see life 20-20. Sane relationships. We never learn as fast as in relationship… I think. But I like how you spoke of emotional ruggedness in being alone. Has its own learning curve …. but only done well with an already matured outlook I think.

Thanks. He was a con-man I suppose. We are still civil in passing on rare occasions we meet… but no magic now with eyes wide open. Just thankful I did wake up. Can’t be mad at him anymore… too many are I have noticed. All a bit sad. Just so much hot air. It sure was great for a time. Life has a way of catching up when we don’t play straight…. Reminds me of Fukuoka saying: If we throw mother nature out the window, she comes back in the door with a pitchfork….. or probably more aptly in terms of relationship…. What you sow… you will reap. And reaping sure is larger in volume than sowing.

Many dangers lurking just ahead. Strange political convolutions brewing. Permaculture is one sane thing in all the crazy. Especially food forests…. The ultimate in permaculture systems. Of course, you have to trust you will be left on your land to harvest. But you have to live by trust… nothing else makes any sense.

Enjoy the compost making. It’s warm here too… we’re in the middle of summer.  : )

Opportunity wrote:
I hate to say this but I think people are getting uglier and less appealing to each other as time goes by.  It makes it a lot easier to tell someone to get lost.  All the junk-food, drugs, pollution, mental stress, are taking its toll on us.  Maybe that explains why there are so many singles floating around despite the global over-population.  Most guys can put up with a lot more crap from some chick if she’s nice to look at because at least she has some redeeming quality.  And what are most of the girls looking for… ?  Money.

Wow.

leeflier wrote:
Wow.

I think Opportunity is correct. People are getting less courteous.... in fact down-right obnoxious in some cases.

Throw the benchmark out and it's every man for himself. Honour and integrity has been lost in status and greed. Beauty has become the tool for accessing money easily. Hard-core selfishness reigns supreme. Ego's on parade in puffed up look-at-me. Multimedia mentors pumping out the message in such volumes that not many question it anymore. Many have been brainwashed since very young.

It is easier to be single. It requires unselfishness to maintain a healthy relationship of any longetivity. And the commitment of marriage is no longer seen as desirable. It would actually require considering another ahead of oneself until death. Generally unwelcome today. Instead it is all seen to be about My Happiness... My Success.... My Rights..... My fulfillment. How do you match that up with another? A chasing of the wind .........

We are proving we are not able to regulate ourselves equitably and maintain a healthy society. A society is always measured by how the most vulnerable are treated. The most vulnerable are those yet to be born... if they survive that first challenge... and make it to the outside world before considered too inconvenient to be bothered with. Every man for himself. Unequal fight for some. Who would have thought this would be what our world would look like.... back a century ago? And some even think we are progressing. Heaven help us.

Chelle

Eyezwide wrote:
so you might want to say, "calling all forest nymphs, imps and the like. I'd like to meet you out here in the boonies. you know where forest nymphs belong!

LOL - excellent!  You should be a spin doctor!

I too vote for the addition of a cowboy hat    This is my avatar.

Where is 'way out'?  and do you have any pictures of your place?

Hey Denny, I can empathize with your online skepticism.  Spontaneity, chemistry can only happen in the flesh-person to person, voice to voice, heart to heart, and eye to eye contact.  The feel of the present moment gets lost in the cerebral static of cyberspace.  I am convinced that when we are at peace with who we are then we have the vision to find our lifes companion and the voice to call them out.  Keep looking, keep calling-she too, is out there looking and calling.  Enjoy the process, enjoy the moment.  I know, it's much easier said than done.  ~Kenwic