I've been thinking a lot about your post, Charles. I am sorry to hear you are struggling with this. Personally, (IMO) you need love & support from you friends to help you. I do not think smokers
should be vilified or treated as pariahs. Nor do I think they have anything to be ashamed of. Shaming people doesn't always help them quit. It just makes them feel bad, which is counterproductive. At least it has been for my husband. Case in point, the "truth" commercials. I understand they are done as a public service. It has been years since they quit advertising cigarettes on TV. When dh was trying to quit & one of those "truth" ads would come on, it would of
course make him think about smoking, irritate him because of it's in-your-face attitude, and make him want a cigarette. Their point is well taken. We all know smoking is bad. I realize those commercials are targeted at younger smokers & if it helps fine. I'll still question whether it really helps or not.
My b-i-l smoked for over 40 years. He also drank. When he decided to quit, he had to quit both & he quit cold turkey. He was 56 at the time. Previous to that he'd tried to quit a number of times over the years. He even tried hypnosis, but it didn't work for him. He was told that he wasn't a good candidate for hypnosis in general.
My mother had 2 friends who smoked for decades. They did the hypnosis thing and it worked for them. Whether is was REALLY the hypnosis or just making the decision to quit via a placebo (such as hypnosis) to give them support, I don't know, but they never smoked again. They were in their early 50's.
My husband has smoked for 40 years. He is one of the sweetest guys you'd ever meet. We've been together for almost 25 years. He too has tried a number of times to quit. The brand he preferred (supposedly) had the lowest tar/nicotine content on the market. He tried the patch once, but even the lowest dosage of it delivered more nicotine than what he got from the cigs. The patch made him feel jittery and no wonder! He experienced the same thing with the nicotine gum & could only chew small sections of it at a time, with poor results. He got a prescription for chantix (Not cheap; even with insurance coverage). He had marginal results that weren't good
enough to warrant the medication's cost.
At about the same time, the cost of cigarettes here really jumped. For a long time, it was cheaper to buy cigarettes here in "Indian Territory" than in most places of the US. When he crunched the #'s and realized just how much he was spending (just about the price of a monthly payment on a motorcycle) that helped more than anything else! So a new motorcycle was his reward for quitting cigarettes. He managed to avoid all smoking for quite a while. Unfortunately, job stress and other factors made it increasingly difficult to stay quit.
The main other factors were social drinking and playing in a band. My dh has played the guitar since he was a child. Like other musicians, playing in a band is something many strive for. Unfortunately, when he is in that environment, there are (of course) smokers & drinkers around. The band members (don't smoke) but many people who come & listen to them do smoke. Believe me, I would LOVE for him to stop associating with this group, for my own selfish reasons. I'd like him to be around as long as possible. He's 6 years older than me. It's his enjoyment. Even during the breaks the band has taken (which lasted a few months) didn't help. He was just depressed during that time. Friends and socialization are more important to some than they are to others. My dh really misses his friends when they aren't around.
He has gotten past cigarettes, but has substituted little cigars that are made with pipe tobacco. He doesn't smoke them as often & doesn't smoke at work anymore. Has he given smoking up completely? No. He struggles with his habits & the dependency every day. But at least he has cut down a lot. I've come to the realization that (for some) smoking isn't just about the nicotine addiction. It's something to do with their hands, oral fixation & there's a ritual involved/a habit. That's how it was for me. I don't believe I was ever addicted to nicotine when I smoked. I guess I was mostly a social-smoker. I have smoked off and on over the years, but never more than a 1/2 pack & I have always been able to just stop, whenever I wanted to. I think part of my ability to do that has something to do with my menthol preference. I only want to smoke menthol's. Non-menthol's are as repellent to me as menthol's are to people who don't smoke them. If I didn't have cigs of my own and there were no menthol smokers, I had no desire to bum cigs from anybody. Currently, I'm back in a non-smoking phase & hope to stay there. I have no desire to smoke, but I don't look back and think why did I ever smoke? I know why & I know I might even do it again, but my hope is that I won't.
I wish I had better advice for your Charles. I'm sympathetic and supportive. Some people can quit cold turkey, and some people can't. I don't know much about herbs & being as I've tried every dang herb I can lay my hands on to help me sleep (without much success), I question their efficacy. All I can say is try to stay positive, don't beat yourself up with negativity because I don't think it helps. I don't think saying quit because you have a wife and a child really works all that well. You have to quit for you. That's the best advice I have.
Hang in there!
). Be depressed and isolate yourself for about 3 months. sell the car you smoked in. stay away from the things you did while smoking and the people you were around. look back years later and think. why did I ever smoke those things? that is not the person i want to be. the longer you smoked the harder it will be I suppose. bummer situation I know.
