Jodie Tinker

Hello, Scott

I hope this message finds you well.  I was reading older posts and came across yours. They were so heartfelt and inspiring.  You have such a strong and willing spirit, one that is evident in all that you do.

I just wanted to encourage you to keep looking and hoping to meet someone special.  Don’t stop just because you’re not sure how much time you’ve got. No one knows how much time they’ve got.  What if she is out there and you are depriving her of something amazing?  If I met the man of my heart, I wouldn’t hesitate to be with him no matter how long or short.  People don't always get a second chance at something special, so I would grab it by both horns.  Some may think I’d be wishing for heartbreak, but I’d rather experience something wonderful for a short time rather than never experiencing it at all.  It would be heart wrenching if he is taken too soon, but he would remain in my heart and peace would come eventually.  

That’s just my two cents.  I’ve only been through horrible and broken relationships, but I would still give my heart to someone truly worthy of it.  Please don’t take her decision to be with you away from her.   Both of you deserve to be happy.  

Can you please delete my post in the singles forum?

Thank you!!

Steve Zoma wrote:I think a lot of “baggage” is more of a problem with perspective. In your situation you have something you were born with, but when God formed you in your mothers womb he chose a litany of traits for you, and one of them was being bipolar. I understand the struggle with that, but God chose that for you and God does not make mistakes. Nor does he want us to struggle endlessly with no purpose, he does it because it grows us and makes us who we are.

I agree with Matt in that God can heal anything, but sometimes he keeps issues and traits in our life because in the end it is best for us. It is not always easy, and I wish he would rid me of my many, many flaws, but he doesn’t for a reason. I am not sure I’ll fully know those reasons down here, but I try and remember who formed me.

For you, when and if you meet a man that understands that, he will be incredibly special for and to you. He will see that you are special and endearing, and from that your love will be inspirational. It may always be a struggle but he will know you, and love you anyway.

I know what I am talking about because I was in a situation where most women would just not understand, but when I met my girlfriend, she did, and I knew that was how I would know who I was supposed to be with.

Now I am no matchmaker, but I know Matt well, and he is a man of true integrity. Just saying: he is quite the catch!!

(Teasing here, but only half-so. Matt is an amazing guy)

Thanks for your words of encouragement, Steve.  You’re right about God not making mistakes. Sometimes it’s hard to come to terms with, though.  

Matt McSpadden wrote: Faith doesn't make things easy, it makes things possible.

I just reread all the responses I got on this post, and needed this quote of Luke 1:37.  Thank you, Matt

I hope you’re having a bit of success with the fly problem so far.  Here is what I had done when I had my farm:
1. Keep the barn areas mucked and as clean as possible. The flies are attracted to manure as well as any feed areas.  I also milked my goats in the barn, which attracted them.  I tried to keep all of the barn clean.

2. Use fans.  It gets hot here in SC, so fans were used for a dual purpose. I had industrial fans mounted leg height and head height on one side of the barn. The air being pushed around in the barn kept the flies immobile or discouraged them from coming into the barn.

3. Fly predators. pro: I tried these one year, and they did work to eliminate the majority of the flies. Cons: they are expensive and you need to start using them in the spring before numbers get too bad. You have to use them all summer, and the companies ship new predators monthly.  You also need to get enough for the number of horses or livestock that you have.

4. Fly masks and sheets. I know you said you use flymasks, but some brands are better than others. I’ve even modified some or bought them handmade. It depended upon the horses needs.  Sheets work, too. I’ve never tried it, but I’m assuming you can use citronella products or essential oils on the sheets. (Color also plays a part. Flies are attracted to dark colors more than light colors).

I hope this helps.

Thank you for your input, Jordan.  

I’m the type that believes two people become one in a relationship.  I don’t want a business transaction or a marriage of convenience.  At the same token, I don’t want a clingy codependency where neither of us can do anything on our own.  We may be joined together as a couple, but we still retain some independence for a healthy relationship. A relationship should be a symbiosis of sorts, with both partners contributing their best. I agree they should complement each other.

As far as having the discussion about my baggage, it doesn’t usually happen when we first meet. It may be a few conversations in, but still towards the beginning of talking.  If a topic comes up that I must admit to baggage, I will talk about it casually. If they want to know more, they can ask more in-depth questions.

As far as “educating” someone, I mean correcting their false assumptions.  I’ve had guys say some mean things about my being bipolar. They didn’t know what bipolar disorder was as evidenced by their comments.  After their insensitive remarks, I had no desire to know them further, but it would have been nice to have corrected them.

.

Tim Sanchez wrote:Ha! It's Tim. It went through this time. I hope I find you well. I do need to learn how to use pm mail. I have a small farm in the Pecos valley.  I water out the Pecos River. I live in the south west,a little far from you. I'm  a Mennonite, love the lord much. I like to walk softly on the land. I like animals. I was horse and buggy for a short time.      Tim.  You can see bill the kid from my house. Also solar

Hello, Tim

Thank you for writing.  I hope all is well on the Pecos River.  

You sound like a great person, but I think the distance is a big obstacle.  You are too far from South Carolina for me to easily visit should anything develop.  Also, I have a close relationship with my sons and grandchildren and would miss them too much if I moved more than a few hours away.

Again, thank you, and I wish you the best!

I forgot to address this part:

Jordan Holland wrote:

To take it a step further, I can not convey with words just how much men trying to date are also inundated with lies. While I imagine you are looking at the issue from your perspective, I imagine most men are seeing it from their own perspective, tempered by their past experiences with other women. In your age bracket, I think it's safe to assume most men have been burned before, probably multiple times. How many women's dating profiles say that they are a total wreck? None that I've seen. Rest assured, there are plenty out there (which men know), they just lie and say they have everything under control, or omit some rather important info. While it may seem from your perspective that you are setting yourself apart from women who don't have their baggage under control, from the men's perspective, can they see it? At the end of the day, they have to consider two main things: how much good can you bring into their life (and with what probability), and how much suffering (with what probability). Statistically, it is sadly quite rare for a positive outcome. Here is a graphic I saw the other day where a guy created a chart of his entire experience trying to date on OKCupid. This is what you need to overcome to convince a man that you are not just going to be another negative experience.

Women are inundated with lies, also.  The chart is right on target.  I should have collected data on my experiences, but I haven’t been using just one site for the whole time I’ve been looking. It’s amazing how easy it is for people to put up facades online, pretending to be a better version of themselves. Who can really see, right?  Why are they called “catfish”?  Is it because catfish are bottom feeders??

Thank you for sharing your views.  It gave me a lot of insight.

Jordan Holland wrote:"How do you attract someone if..."

I may be reading too much into semantics, but if you are indeed trying to attract someone rather than actively pursue someone, I'm afraid many men might see that as a sign you are not really ready or in control of your baggage. In any case, I think it would make a much stronger point that you have things under control if you were actively making it a point to pursue a relationship.

Yes, my question does incorrectly imply that, doesn’t it?  I think I could have worded my question better. How about “How do you approach revealing your baggage to a potential significant other without them assuming you can’t carry it?”  I’m not sure if that sounds any better.

I agree about having your life under control if you are going to pursue a relationship, but does anyone actually have their life under control??  Maybe we should instead say that people need to be able to manage the contents of their baggage so it doesn’t split open.  Even better, a mentally healthy person can have baggage, but the contents are now clean and securely contained. Ok, enough of the metaphor, lol.

When I start talking to someone and become interested, I will share with him some things that I struggle with and will always struggle with.  I can manage my struggles, but they are still there; some people can’t see past them.  I believe in total honesty, and I’m not about to candy-coat issues or pretend to be someone I’m not.  I don’t want to waste anyone’s time, mine included, if a guy can’t accept that I do have struggles. Everyone has struggles, but mine have a stigma attached to them.  It isn’t always possible to educate someone with the truth before they turn away… sometimes run away.