Jodie Tinker

Steve Zoma wrote:I think a lot of “baggage” is more of a problem with perspective. In your situation you have something you were born with, but when God formed you in your mothers womb he chose a litany of traits for you, and one of them was being bipolar. I understand the struggle with that, but God chose that for you and God does not make mistakes. Nor does he want us to struggle endlessly with no purpose, he does it because it grows us and makes us who we are.

I agree with Matt in that God can heal anything, but sometimes he keeps issues and traits in our life because in the end it is best for us. It is not always easy, and I wish he would rid me of my many, many flaws, but he doesn’t for a reason. I am not sure I’ll fully know those reasons down here, but I try and remember who formed me.

For you, when and if you meet a man that understands that, he will be incredibly special for and to you. He will see that you are special and endearing, and from that your love will be inspirational. It may always be a struggle but he will know you, and love you anyway.

I know what I am talking about because I was in a situation where most women would just not understand, but when I met my girlfriend, she did, and I knew that was how I would know who I was supposed to be with.

Now I am no matchmaker, but I know Matt well, and he is a man of true integrity. Just saying: he is quite the catch!!

(Teasing here, but only half-so. Matt is an amazing guy)

Thanks for your words of encouragement, Steve.  You’re right about God not making mistakes. Sometimes it’s hard to come to terms with, though.  

Matt McSpadden wrote: Faith doesn't make things easy, it makes things possible.

I just reread all the responses I got on this post, and needed this quote of Luke 1:37.  Thank you, Matt

I hope you’re having a bit of success with the fly problem so far.  Here is what I had done when I had my farm:
1. Keep the barn areas mucked and as clean as possible. The flies are attracted to manure as well as any feed areas.  I also milked my goats in the barn, which attracted them.  I tried to keep all of the barn clean.

2. Use fans.  It gets hot here in SC, so fans were used for a dual purpose. I had industrial fans mounted leg height and head height on one side of the barn. The air being pushed around in the barn kept the flies immobile or discouraged them from coming into the barn.

3. Fly predators. pro: I tried these one year, and they did work to eliminate the majority of the flies. Cons: they are expensive and you need to start using them in the spring before numbers get too bad. You have to use them all summer, and the companies ship new predators monthly.  You also need to get enough for the number of horses or livestock that you have.

4. Fly masks and sheets. I know you said you use flymasks, but some brands are better than others. I’ve even modified some or bought them handmade. It depended upon the horses needs.  Sheets work, too. I’ve never tried it, but I’m assuming you can use citronella products or essential oils on the sheets. (Color also plays a part. Flies are attracted to dark colors more than light colors).

I hope this helps.

Thank you for your input, Jordan.  

I’m the type that believes two people become one in a relationship.  I don’t want a business transaction or a marriage of convenience.  At the same token, I don’t want a clingy codependency where neither of us can do anything on our own.  We may be joined together as a couple, but we still retain some independence for a healthy relationship. A relationship should be a symbiosis of sorts, with both partners contributing their best. I agree they should complement each other.

As far as having the discussion about my baggage, it doesn’t usually happen when we first meet. It may be a few conversations in, but still towards the beginning of talking.  If a topic comes up that I must admit to baggage, I will talk about it casually. If they want to know more, they can ask more in-depth questions.

As far as “educating” someone, I mean correcting their false assumptions.  I’ve had guys say some mean things about my being bipolar. They didn’t know what bipolar disorder was as evidenced by their comments.  After their insensitive remarks, I had no desire to know them further, but it would have been nice to have corrected them.

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Tim Sanchez wrote:Ha! It's Tim. It went through this time. I hope I find you well. I do need to learn how to use pm mail. I have a small farm in the Pecos valley.  I water out the Pecos River. I live in the south west,a little far from you. I'm  a Mennonite, love the lord much. I like to walk softly on the land. I like animals. I was horse and buggy for a short time.      Tim.  You can see bill the kid from my house. Also solar

Hello, Tim

Thank you for writing.  I hope all is well on the Pecos River.  

You sound like a great person, but I think the distance is a big obstacle.  You are too far from South Carolina for me to easily visit should anything develop.  Also, I have a close relationship with my sons and grandchildren and would miss them too much if I moved more than a few hours away.

Again, thank you, and I wish you the best!

I forgot to address this part:

Jordan Holland wrote:

To take it a step further, I can not convey with words just how much men trying to date are also inundated with lies. While I imagine you are looking at the issue from your perspective, I imagine most men are seeing it from their own perspective, tempered by their past experiences with other women. In your age bracket, I think it's safe to assume most men have been burned before, probably multiple times. How many women's dating profiles say that they are a total wreck? None that I've seen. Rest assured, there are plenty out there (which men know), they just lie and say they have everything under control, or omit some rather important info. While it may seem from your perspective that you are setting yourself apart from women who don't have their baggage under control, from the men's perspective, can they see it? At the end of the day, they have to consider two main things: how much good can you bring into their life (and with what probability), and how much suffering (with what probability). Statistically, it is sadly quite rare for a positive outcome. Here is a graphic I saw the other day where a guy created a chart of his entire experience trying to date on OKCupid. This is what you need to overcome to convince a man that you are not just going to be another negative experience.

Women are inundated with lies, also.  The chart is right on target.  I should have collected data on my experiences, but I haven’t been using just one site for the whole time I’ve been looking. It’s amazing how easy it is for people to put up facades online, pretending to be a better version of themselves. Who can really see, right?  Why are they called “catfish”?  Is it because catfish are bottom feeders??

Thank you for sharing your views.  It gave me a lot of insight.

Jordan Holland wrote:"How do you attract someone if..."

I may be reading too much into semantics, but if you are indeed trying to attract someone rather than actively pursue someone, I'm afraid many men might see that as a sign you are not really ready or in control of your baggage. In any case, I think it would make a much stronger point that you have things under control if you were actively making it a point to pursue a relationship.

Yes, my question does incorrectly imply that, doesn’t it?  I think I could have worded my question better. How about “How do you approach revealing your baggage to a potential significant other without them assuming you can’t carry it?”  I’m not sure if that sounds any better.

I agree about having your life under control if you are going to pursue a relationship, but does anyone actually have their life under control??  Maybe we should instead say that people need to be able to manage the contents of their baggage so it doesn’t split open.  Even better, a mentally healthy person can have baggage, but the contents are now clean and securely contained. Ok, enough of the metaphor, lol.

When I start talking to someone and become interested, I will share with him some things that I struggle with and will always struggle with.  I can manage my struggles, but they are still there; some people can’t see past them.  I believe in total honesty, and I’m not about to candy-coat issues or pretend to be someone I’m not.  I don’t want to waste anyone’s time, mine included, if a guy can’t accept that I do have struggles. Everyone has struggles, but mine have a stigma attached to them.  It isn’t always possible to educate someone with the truth before they turn away… sometimes run away.

Anne Miller wrote:

I could be wrong though I feel this is because you are applying for a "USDA Direct home loan".

My suggestion would be to ask your local USDA representative if that is the case.

It could be that if you find a property that is larger than 1 acre that you might qualify for one of their other type of loans.

My limited income doesn’t qualify me for anything other than something subsidized.

After doing more research, it looks like one acre is the acceptable limit.  Any greater than that, it doesn’t qualify as “modest”.

Steve Zoma wrote:I have got USDA Loans and Grants before, but they seem a lot different than what you are describing. That might just be because of where I live though...

The loans I got through the USDA I had to prove I could NOT obtain credit through any private organization first. The USDA is not a bank, nor do they want to be, they just want to ensure that farms keep producing food for a hungry nation, and important consideration since only 1 out of 200 Americans are farmers producing food. Even then, you can only do this (7) times in your lifetime. They will check your credit, but its the opposite; its to see if its too bad for private bank loans not for credit worthiness.

They can be for different things of course, from buying a new farm to expanding an existing one, but don't get too excited; if you have no credit, don't have a down payment, want a low interest loan, and want a farm... and this sounds too good to be true, it sort of is. There is such a demand for this type of loan that here in Maine anyway there is a 3 year waiting list, and no guarantee you will get the loan even then. But the problem is not with YOU waiting, but with finding a seller willing to wait three years. Best wishes in finding a seller willing to wait that long.

Even though I have got USDA loans, as a seller I would never sell anything to someone using one. The length of time it takes to go through, and the rules themselves are just too restrictive. In fact, when I sell land, I tell the realtors upfront that I will not accept any offers with USDA or FHA loans attached. Every possible inspection is carried out, then the seller is required to fix the problem, and not the buyer. This means with every inspection the selling price is reduced, or the seller has to have the fix done by certified contractors, not merely doing the work themselves to fix the problem. And guess what... every inspector has to justify their cost so they find something. So as  you can imagine, every seller wants that! (insert sarcasm here).

No matter if it is a lawnmower or, 200 acres of land; I put a fair deal on anything I sell, and hope to find a buyer who appreciates that fairness right up front. With governmental loans, I get it, and know they have their place and have taken advantage of them a lot over the years, but when you take the Kings shilling, you do the King's bidding, and there is just too many rules to make selling something in that form of a loan. Selling has enough inherent stress, especially so with land withholdings, I want the easiest sell I can get and still have a fair deal for me and the buyer. USDA and FHA Loans just don't allow for that. I am not the only seller who feels this way; it is widely known to sellers, "Never accept a USDA or FHA loaned offer".

Thank you, Steve.  That explains a lot.  I guess it is too good to be true.  The realtor I talked to seemed put off when I mentioned USDA.  She was supposed to find out something for me and never called back.  I don’t qualify for a conventional loan due to being on disability.  My credit was ruined by co-signing for my sons Jeep and his constant delinquency in payments. (Never co-sign with anyone other than a spouse!). I’m at a dead end, it seems.