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judgmental

 
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If people judge me for being too judgmental, I refer them to Diana Leafe Christian's book. [I see that she is on her, so I thank her for writing that book and saving me from disasters.]
I am trying to start a community myself, and I have found that many people do not have a clear vision of what they want in a community. I try to get these people to verbalize what their dream is, and then go looking for a community where they can fulfill their dream. Everybody judges everybody, so it is foolish to act like people don't. What's important is to know exactly what you want and go look for a community where you can fulfill your dream. I have to pry dreams out of people.
I ask people to think about their "non-negotiables" and write them down. One of mine is no drugs. I don't try to defend my list, but it ain't changing.
 
steward
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Being judgemental is evaluating evidence to make a decision , using your capacity to assess situations and relationships in order to draw sound conclusions. It is also using prejudice {pre-judgement} based on past experiences and gained knowledge . If you are seeking a roommate for your apartment and a guy calls and tells you he is funny , a good cook , and a heroin addict you can use prejudiced judgement. It is safe to assume that you will not recieve your rent on time and one by one your personal belongings will disappear. There are synonyms for non-judgemental people . Fools , saps , rubes . It is not o.k. to judge on skin color , creed , gender , etc. Some people have a hard time being judged because they have a hard time with authority figures in their lives . They do not know how to recognize expertise and submit to authority in order to learn and grow . They want to feel their every effort deserves praise . That is why they have watercolor classes at the community center . " Oh Bobby , that is the loveliest deer you have painted ." " It's a cat " " Oh , how lovely . Every one , look at Bobbys' cat" If you want to become an expert at something you have to submit to an experts discernment and be open to their judgement of you . That is how we grow . You need an open mind and tough skin.
 
pollinator
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I have a nasty habit of slotting people into general categories. These can be positive or negative but I find the negative ones get more notice. If a guy is honest, reliable and a dozen other good things, I might send him business and suggest that he meet other people but I don't generally go into a list of his fine attributes.

If I have judged a guy to be lazy, dumb, a thief, a liar or any number of other negative things, I'm likely to recite the entire list and invite others who have dealt with him to chime in. There may be funny anecdotes and laughter. In the end everyone within ear shot knows not to risk their time, energy or money on this person. -------It's a group therapy thing. My friend Brooks loves to swap stupid stories. We compare the dumbest acts we've recently witnessed. Brooks usually wins at this little game because he regularly hires employees who originate at the shallow end of the gene pool. While reciting the dastardly deed, he becomes quite animated, making funny faces with arms and legs flailing as he acts out the dumbest parts which usually involves the destruction of one of his tools. He feels much better after venting in this manner. And more importantly, his desire to kill the offender is diminished and the flawed individual is able depart in peace to spread misery at another work place.
 
Greta Fields
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Making judgments and choices are not bad things -- these are the highest levels of functioning in the brain and are located in the pre-frontal lobes. People having trouble expressing choices or making judgments will also have trouble with upper level mental skills, like higher math, and creativity. Children who are not allowed to exercise choice making will develop shriveled pre frontal lobes.
I avoid people on drugs, including marijuana smokers (who will be tolerant of letting hard drug users come around them and me). I had to learn this from experience. You can't tell people how bad drugs are. They have to find it out for themselves.
Don't get me started on work, haha.
I bet you all work your asses off too. I grew up working hard on a farm, but we always PLAYED after. My grandparents got us kids up at 4:30 a.m. sometimes, when we had to be in the fields b y 8. We worked HARD until it got too hot to work. We worked by the WEATHER, not a clock. But ALWAYS, they gave us kids a big reward for working. We were asked if we wanted to go work on a relatives' farm the next day, and if so, we could get to see their baby chickens, or get to swim in THEIR part of the creek, or have a PICNIC there. We Always had a FEAST, Every single day, at lunch and supper both. If we went to the fields to work, we carried baskets full of fried chicken, slaw, mashed potatoes, tomatoes, corn-on-the-cob and cornbread or biscuits with salt bacon, and big containers of lemonade, iced tea and water.
I associate working with half days in hot sun, followed by a feast and playing all afternoon in a creek. I grew up thinking work was FUN. People don't work anymore like that, and it's a shame. The white, Puritan culture raises children to think work is misery. I hear old people around me talk bitterly about being forced to work on the hill farms in Appalachia, because their parents made them work all day, and nothing fun was associated to working. Nobody ever forced me to work all day. Yet, I grew up working my ass off later. I will work until 10 pm. to finish a job sometimes.
 
wayne stephen
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Since this is in the intentional community forum ....Communities need to be judgemental if they are going to see their vision become reality. Lets say an ecovillages vision is to have complete equality of men and women . No mysogeny allowed . A group of men are gathered over lunch and a pretty young woman walks by . One guy states " I'd like to tap that . " Isn't it the role of the other men to point that out as unacceptable and to expose the sexism latent in that individual ? Not just to decry his spoken words but to judge the personality trait that was the source of them ? The clincher is that the judgement is only as good as the judge. That is why we need to be judgemental about who we allow our personalities to be judged by. It is a voluntary relationship. If I wanted to become a great carpenter I might apprentice myself to a Master Caftsman . For the sake of becoming , I might allow my workmanship to be judged severely by this person . I might even allow my personality flaws to be judged in order to expose traits that prevent excellent work. So , you have to choose your teachers and leaders wisely . Are they physicians who have healed themselves ? If it is an intentional community what is the track record of the leadership ? Do they have a track record or just unproven ideas ? Many intentional communities have failed because the boss was the same as the old boss . I was in the process of joining an intentional community when I was 19 years of age. The vision was Eastern and the goal was Nirvana . The leader was called Guru. The community was tight and unified around this visionary leader. It was all very new age and cosmic . The members were very judgemental of each others flaws and encouraged to consider this judgement a purification by fire. The internal friction this judgement produced tempered our spirit and forced us to confront what was leading us away from the True Path. One fine day when we were sitting at the feet of the Guru listening to his enlightening words he utters a most anti-semitic joke and criticism of the Jewish people. It was not a doctrinal challenge to the Torah . The joke was of the old money grubbing , picking your pocket , covetous jew stereotype that fired up WW2 . So there was the fly in the ointment . The new boss , same as the old boss! Not Namaste , but Seig Heil ! I was stunned. Needless to say I was out of there like Whitey Bulger. I did feel that some of the judgements pointed at me were correct , my work ethic has improved because of what was said. Some of the judgements were manipulation to make you feel shame or guilt and then to seek salvation through the path. By judging others and allowing myself to be judged I am now a better judge and more wary of who I allow myself to be judged by.
 
Greta Fields
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Yes Wayne, you pointed out that "intentional" community is "intentional" and a voluntary choice. People "intend" to have a certain community. They must make their intentions clear and known to all in the process of forming a community. This process is covered in Diana Leafe Christian's book -- where each person clarifies in his own mind what he wants in community and then look for a community that fits their intentions, or form one with other people etc. etc. It took me 2 years to do this myself... you have to become more and more honest with yourself, about what you want and don't want [that is where you use judgment.]
You are lucky you escaped the guru. Some gurus know how to brainwash followers and get them to turn over money etc.. They don't CARE what their followers' intentions are.
It is interesting you used the carpenter metaphor: That was one of Aristotle's favorite metaphors for describing creativity: A carpenter chooses to make a table for a certain purpose, and purpose will help determine the design, and material (wood) the qualities of the table. But it all starts with a choice, or intention, or judgment.
I get all my ideas from Aristotle, but I sometimes forget to give him the credit!
 
wayne stephen
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"To avoid criticism say nothing , do nothing , be nothing."

"Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom." - Aristotle
 
Been there. Done that. Went back for more. But this time, I took this tiny ad with me:
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