It is interesting the opportunity presented in posts/threads like these.
There was one a little while back where some seemingly antagonistic/provocative posts elicited debate about them potentially being from a ‘bot’, and gave folks here on the site ‘practice’ in responding in a different way. Thank you for giving us an opportunity to practice and reflect.
You gave Paul the opportunity to practice a softer response when he wrote (“It would seem . . . “)
“It would seem that your philosophy is different from mine.
It would seem that you will create a forum and your forum will do better than mine. And then there will be two forums. Diversity. That is permaculture.”
Understanding provides content and context for response. Please, enlighten (me, us) if my guesses fall short . . .
In the signature file “Just. Build. The. Damn. Thing!” You like efficiency. You like expediency. The word ‘just’ says negate anything else but getting right down to it, whatever ‘it’ is. The (over) use of periods after each word, abruptness, impatience, a lack of flow?
“Nice" has never produced any growth - it perpetuates stagnation, it enforces mediocrity.”
I wonder if in your life you have experienced many harsh responses, which you have managed to take in and make changes. Hard, but you did it, and you believe you are the better for it. You interpreted them to be truthful but harsh. Since your growth lessons were delivered in that way, from your perspective, that is the best way for everyone, yes?
You wrote “
While balance asks most certainly to add compassion and understanding,
shielding someone from a response to patently false claims, because it might "hurt their feelings" is at best short-sighted. I said "a bit confused" instead of "indefensibly negligent in an arrogant and baseless caution extending from a position of ignorance."
Do you think compassion and understanding (nice factors) and truth (the growth factor) are mutually exclusive?
In younger years I thought I saw things accurately and wanted to impart my ‘wisdom’ on those I thought would be benefited by it. Frequently the recipient’s response was not what I was hoping for. I came to think about what I wanted to offer from the end result I hoped to produce. Elements to consider like timing, tone, relationship came into view. There are best friend shortcuts with language that are taken for granted that cannot be applied to acquaintances.
I would guess you have not been on the receiving end of skilled feedback coming from a wise, compassionate and kind source. I have a grandmother who has transitioned out of form decades ago. She was the embodiment of Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Theresa, Confucius, Nelson Mandela, Lao Tzu and Rumi. Wise, well-chosen words, timed to land at the right time for the recipient, considering their circumstances, educational background and as many other factors as you would like to, can be life changing, in the best possible way, I know from my own experience, and from observation. It takes more time and energy going in, but can yield the greatest results.
Kindness and compassion are not always essential elements to include in conversations. Why potentially burn bridges, or NOT show and express care or nice? If the topic is “how to clear snow to accommodate where my dog poops’, care, kindness and nice are probably not factors. A loved one just passed away, you lost your job, and you totaled your car require more care in conversation, would you agree?
And R Ransom posted ‘
There are lots of choices here, but if you choose to post to permies, know that any posts that don't follow the publishing standard will be removed.”
A clear expression of firm boundaries.
And Greg Martin poignantly wrote
“have great discussions while displaying the basic kindness to others that we all deserve . . .”
deserving kindness – what a concept.
And Redhawk wrote
“I would love to make some comments on posts that are so inane as to be eligible for the compost heap simply because they have nothing of real value in them.
But then I wouldn't be following the policies of permies and I try my best to turn away before I do something I know I will regret. “
He thinks about recycling what he considers the inane in a compost pile.
Sometimes I find posts in Meaningless Drivel that I think don’t belong there. And knowing when to refrain from expression is very wise.
I am not attached. You have every right to continue expressing as you have. Or I invite you to consider diversity, flexibility and choice of thought and speech (and action). Experiment for yourself; see if you get different results.
PS – Earth care, PEOPLE CARE, Fair Share.