Hi Rosa Bosma,
It's been a while since you've posted the above. Have you been able to find a solution yet?
If you and your boyfriend are still looking for a sensible alternative to the rat race, it may be a good idea to have a chat. To cut a long story short; I'm currently circling Castelo Branco, Portugal, in order to find a place to start living as self sustained as possible. I'm also from The Netherlands and my partner in crime is from Belgium. Neither of us are commune types either, but I'm very interested in cooperating with like-minded people in this endeavor. My ideal is some kind of co-op relationship.
As far as I can tell, there's no legal way to do what we want to do in Europe, without bringing a shipload of money. One way or another, you'll need a habitation license, building permit, architect, etc. All obligations are concocted with way to "high" standards of living in mind for yours truly. Prosperity fascism if you ask me. Perhaps we need to take our chances living in a hut of some sort on rustic land. In Portugal this is at least legal if it's not permanent. I have no clue how this is defined and what fine you can expect if you get caught. How does this play out in reality anyway? Is there a hut police patrolling the campo? How can you tell if somebody is just camping on his own land or living there permanently?
Anyway, I'll PM you my contact info. Feel free to get in touch. Good luck in your search for modest living!