It was much easier to connect with new partners when we were young, as we had limited experiences and hadn't learned about compatibility between ourselves and others. The more experiences we had, the more we had the opportunity to learn about that compatibility. Rather than growing together, as we did when we were young, as we get older we become set in our ways, so we find areas where we aren't very flexible, limiting the pool of potential compatible partners.
Most people are very vague when it comes to advertising for a potential partner, not wanting to limit any possibilities. Unfortunately, this leads to frustration and disappointment on both sides (unless they are just looking for a free meal and not a relationship), as we really aren't as flexible as we'd like to see ourselves. I acknowledge while I am extremely flexible in most relationship areas there are certain qualities that are mandatory for me. I feel everyone deserves to know exactly what they are buying before committing to any purchase. The same holds true for relationships, in my opinion. Bait and switch never leads to happiness. Though people assume opposites attract, I've found similarities tend to provide more stability over the long-run. I don't look for someone to complement my deficiencies to make me whole. If I feel a deficiency in myself, I do all in my power to learn how to eliminate that deficiency in myself. If I don't want to do something, or it isn't a priority for me, I don't view that as a deficiency. So no one has to waste any time, I've come up with a list of my mandatory mutual attributes. As long as those are met, I am open to any other possibility that might present itself. What society promotes as the ideal partner is not something I find myself drawn to, so I'm more likely to appreciate a unique non-conformist (a plain Jane over a Barbie Doll). Here is my list:
Mandatory Attributes
Clear, open, honest communication
Responsibility (financial & commitments -- never minimizing accountability by blaming others)
Living within one's means (making the most of what is available rather than feeling entitled to more)
Prioritize functionality over materialism
Respectful (of all, not just those who conform to our beliefs)
Consideration (no yelling, demands or criticism)
Caring (about the impact of our choices on others)
Affection (enjoy giving and receiving -- never losing sight of where the other is)
Gentleness, tenderness and sensuality
Playfulness (creativity is an added bonus)
Tranquility (subtleties over extremes -- patient & quiet -- nothing to overwhelm any of our senses)
Making the most of natural over artificially enhanced
Partnership (enjoy planning and doing together -- sharing)
Health & fitness (maintain health and slender, fit body -- no contagious diseases)
Nature & ecology (enjoy, respect and care for balance on this earth)
More introverted than extroverted (easy-going, down-to-earth)
Self-esteem (believe the quality existing in ourselves and in what we bring to the relationship)
Self-confidence (not threatened by differences in others)
Inner strength (not power used against others)
Realistically optimistic and positive (focusing on opportunities rather than obstacles)
Appreciation (of what exists, not potential of what can be molded into becoming)
Safety (prioritize making sure we both feel safe, always -- no off-limits topic)
Uniqueness (thinker and individual, not blind conformist -- beliefs based on experience not indoctrination)
Balanced independence/dependence (see partner as icing on the cake, not provider of everything)
Realistic expectations (expect no more of a partner than we are already offering)
No interest in tobacco, alcohol & drugs
Enjoy the journey without focusing on the ending
If this is you, or you know someone this describes, please reach out to me. If not, hold true to what you've discovered works for you, and I wish you happiness and fulfillment.