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Fit Nature Loving Male ISO Tranquil Slender Female Gardener  RSS feed

 
Jim Gardener
Posts: 34
Location: Acton (north Los Angeles County), CA
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Simple solutions and lives work well for us. We’re down-to-earth, appreciate subtleties and a quality connection (patient, kind, caring, considerate, affectionate, responsible, creative, playful, communicative & loving). A relationship is based on what we bring to the relationship, not what we are entitled to get from it.

I’m seeking a sweet woman who takes care of herself, but cares about more than just herself (shown by her volunteer work and the way she treats others – I’m a volunteer crew leader at Habitat For Humanity). When I’m with her, stress will disappear. Her smile will melt my heart. The greatest happiness I’ll ever experience is sharing in her happiness. She finds positive and pleasure in simple things. She sees beauty where others don’t. Her voice is soft and inviting, her touch tender and soothing. Kissing my love will be heaven. She’s financially responsible (having no interest in living beyond her means) and is employed. She’s creative, enjoys escaping to her garden or nature and sees opportunities rather than obstacles. She prioritizes and is responsible for her health and fitness. She takes nothing to extremes, but is conscientious about all she does. I've always been drawn more to Plain Janes than Barbie Dolls. She'll be more attractive to me working in the garden than having perfect makeup, nails and hair. No drugs, tobacco and minimal, if any, alcohol.

Our relationship will be based on trust and open/honest communication, with a good blend of playfulness and responsibility. We’ll prioritize making sure both of us feel safe, secure and special. We’re confident in ourselves and don’t feel threatened by differences in others, respecting the rights of others, without judging them or expecting them to conform to our belief or lifestyle. "The human mind is very much like a parachute; it works best when it is fully open." We’re down-to-earth, tranquil, easy-going and lean toward introversion. We aren’t materialistic, nor focus on the superficial phoniness our society seems to value. We make the most of and appreciate what we have. What we focus on is what we get (if we’re critical of the negative, we get more negative; if we’re appreciative of the positive, we get more positive). We focus on what we can do to move our relationship in a positive direction, not what the other should do (two givers). We responsibly focus on our role in creating and nurturing our present and future.

My self-designed/built home/farm is on acreage in the country. Along with great beauty, there are challenges that come with country living (dirt roads, weather, critters, extra maintenance, etc.). I’m looking for someone who’d enjoy facing these challenges with a partner who values equality in all areas. We seek no more than we bring to the relationship and will be active participants in keeping our relationship new and alive. I was raised Jewish, but am no longer into organized religion. I have no problem respecting your beliefs as long as that respect is reciprocated. I’m allergic to cats but love dogs. Though in Acton, I’m into agriculture, not horses. I've long been a member of California Rare Fruit Growers Association and help them teach grafting to high school students. I’m a well-educated self-employed professional with a lower middle class income, planning to be debt-free within 4 years. I prioritize helping people rather than seeking riches, so if money and fancy lifestyle are more important than a quality partnership, pass me by. I’m not asking you to support me. I live within my means, yet many enjoyable experiences cost little or no money. I am 64, 6’, 155#, with brown hair (very lightly sprinkled with gray) and hazel eyes. I’m creative, caring, helpful, attentive and very good with my hands, whether building, repairing or showing affection. I love all aspects of nature.

I’m not into long-distance relationships, so, unless you feel we are an ideal match, you live in the San Fernando, Santa Clarita or Antelope Valleys, or close by. Chronological age is irrelevant, though compatibility can’t be compromised.

I promise a response, in kind, if you see value in what I’ve mentioned, can see us enjoying life together and take the time to clearly share what I’ve written that impacts you and how it impacts you.
 
Jim Gardener
Posts: 34
Location: Acton (north Los Angeles County), CA
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Women have made negative comments about my use of the word slender, so I thought I’d clarify my thoughts. First off, understand I would never seek from a partner what I’m not willing to do myself. We all have preferences, and we allow different flexibility for each of those preferences. I know I don’t fit the most common preference of women (having unlimited financial resources they can use as they wish). Yes, those preferences can limit us, yet they acknowledge our priorities, what is truly important to us.

I admit I find certain physical characteristics to be more pleasing to my eyes or arousing to my senses, yet I’d never limit a potential partner based on what is not in her control or expect her to change for me. I’m not interested in someone who surgically alters herself, but someone who makes the most of what she has to offer. Women say it is normal to get heavy as they age. It is only normal because it is so common, not because it is necessary. I realize I’d be obese if I continued to eat as I did when I was a teen. Our metabolism changes as we age, and our bodies no longer need the quantity they once did. I’m not looking for skinny, but no larger than myself. I don’t want a fitness fanatic, just someone who pays attention to what will keep her healthy and able to enjoy life for as long as possible.

I realize I’m no spring chicken, so if I only have 30 years to enjoy a relationship, I want both of us to be fully capable of actively enjoying all that’s possible to enjoy. I see too many people limited, struggling and suffering as a result of carrying their extra weight. I want to make the most of our life together without unnecessary limitations. I’m not interested in a glamour queen, but I’d love to have a partner at my side that cares enough to take care of herself, knowing I’ll do the same. I want an equal partner in all areas. We will both truly enjoy a simple lifestyle, make the most of what is readily available and savor the enjoyment of both giving and receiving anything that keeps our relationship new and alive. Life is not about proving how much we can do, but how much enjoyment we gain from what we choose to do.

I’m willing to offer further explanation to anyone who would like a deeper understanding of my thoughts and feelings. Haven’t you ever longed for a partner who cares as much about your thoughts and feelings as you care about his? I long to understand you, while feeling your interest in understanding me.
 
Jim Gardener
Posts: 34
Location: Acton (north Los Angeles County), CA
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It was much easier to connect with new partners when we were young, as we had limited experiences and hadn't learned about compatibility between ourselves and others. The more experiences we had, the more we had the opportunity to learn about that compatibility. Rather than growing together, as we did when we were young, as we get older we become set in our ways, so we find areas where we aren't very flexible, limiting the pool of potential compatible partners.

Most people are very vague when it comes to advertising for a potential partner, not wanting to limit any possibilities. Unfortunately, this leads to frustration and disappointment on both sides (unless they are just looking for a free meal and not a relationship), as we really aren't as flexible as we'd like to see ourselves. I acknowledge while I am extremely flexible in most relationship areas there are certain qualities that are mandatory for me. I feel everyone deserves to know exactly what they are buying before committing to any purchase. The same holds true for relationships, in my opinion. Bait and switch never leads to happiness. Though people assume opposites attract, I've found similarities tend to provide more stability over the long-run. I don't look for someone to complement my deficiencies to make me whole. If I feel a deficiency in myself, I do all in my power to learn how to eliminate that deficiency in myself. If I don't want to do something, or it isn't a priority for me, I don't view that as a deficiency. So no one has to waste any time, I've come up with a list of my mandatory mutual attributes. As long as those are met, I am open to any other possibility that might present itself. What society promotes as the ideal partner is not something I find myself drawn to, so I'm more likely to appreciate a unique non-conformist (a plain Jane over a Barbie Doll). Here is my list:

Mandatory Attributes

Clear, open, honest communication
Responsibility (financial & commitments -- never minimizing accountability by blaming others)
Living within one's means (making the most of what is available rather than feeling entitled to more)
Prioritize functionality over materialism
Respectful (of all, not just those who conform to our beliefs)
Consideration (no yelling, demands or criticism)
Caring (about the impact of our choices on others)
Affection (enjoy giving and receiving -- never losing sight of where the other is)
Gentleness, tenderness and sensuality
Playfulness (creativity is an added bonus)
Tranquility (subtleties over extremes -- patient & quiet -- nothing to overwhelm any of our senses)
Making the most of natural over artificially enhanced
Partnership (enjoy planning and doing together -- sharing)
Health & fitness (maintain health and slender, fit body -- no contagious diseases)
Nature & ecology (enjoy, respect and care for balance on this earth)
More introverted than extroverted (easy-going, down-to-earth)
Self-esteem (believe the quality existing in ourselves and in what we bring to the relationship)
Self-confidence (not threatened by differences in others)
Inner strength (not power used against others)
Realistically optimistic and positive (focusing on opportunities rather than obstacles)
Appreciation (of what exists, not potential of what can be molded into becoming)
Safety (prioritize making sure we both feel safe, always -- no off-limits topic)
Uniqueness (thinker and individual, not blind conformist -- beliefs based on experience not indoctrination)
Balanced independence/dependence (see partner as icing on the cake, not provider of everything)
Realistic expectations (expect no more of a partner than we are already offering)
No interest in tobacco, alcohol & drugs
Enjoy the journey without focusing on the ending

If this is you, or you know someone this describes, please reach out to me. If not, hold true to what you've discovered works for you, and I wish you happiness and fulfillment.
 
Dale Hodgins
garden master
Posts: 6704
Location: Victoria British Columbia-Canada
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Jim Gardener
Posts: 34
Location: Acton (north Los Angeles County), CA
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Dale, thank you for your kind words. It is common to hear people say they want an open and honest relationship, yet most people are selective in their openness and honesty, withholding what they believe might limit the outcome they seek. People would be happier with their relationship if both clearly shared, from the start, what each expects of the other, the relationship and what can be expected from each person.

If everyone clearly shared their priorities, we could know, before heading down a path, if that path offers the possibility of taking us where we want to go. Unfortunately, people advertise themselves in vague generalities (I’m great… Pick me) or list what they feel entitled to be provided by the other. Going into relationships with the belief, “If it is meant to be, it will be,” is the reason most marriages end long before the death of a partner (even if they choose to stay together out of convenience). People tend to find it easier to blame others rather than do all in their power to learn how to create and nurture healthy relationships.

It is not about molding ourselves into what we feel the other wants, as the “real us” will always surface eventually. I wish our society promoted individuality and uniqueness rather than conformity, as promoting conformity only creates a society of people who feel flawed and defective. For every type of person, there are people who appreciate that type of person. Let us connect with those who truly value us as we are, not for the potential we could become. People on this site acknowledge they are different from the materialistic norm, choosing to respect and nurture our environment, while discovering how our environment reciprocates in kind. I admire their willingness to proudly take a stand, rather than conforming to society’s indoctrination.

I would love to see people prioritize making sure others always feels safe, rather than feeling entitled to demand and criticize. Until we feel safe, it is hard for us to be clearly open and honest. I hope all of us connect with special partners, allowing us to share the beauty of our environment and love.
 
D Daniels
Posts: 23
Location: SE Central Oregon, future vision seems to be in the pines though : )
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Hi Jim, I sent you a PM... : )
 
My, my, aren't you a big fella. Here, have a tiny ad:
FT Position Available: Affiliate Manager Who Loves Permaculture & Homesteading
https://permies.com/t/69742/FT-Position-Affiliate-Manager-Loves
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