Dale Hodgins wrote:
But for the benefit of young fellows who need more game, let's hear from the ladies. Suppose a young fellow is posting himself on a dating site. Do you just want to see his smiling face? What if he's an athlete of some sort and he super ripped. Do you want to see that? I have always figured that if you have some advantage, it should be flaunted. Not necessary in an extreme way. But if that young fellow were competing with guys whose idea of exercise is Xbox and Coca-Cola, I don't think a few Beefcake photos would hurt him at all.
My daughter's weighed in on this. They said that if a guy looks reasonably fit, that's good. But if he's got muscles that come up to touch his ears and his thighs rub together, that's bad. Not so much that they don't like the look as much as they assume that he's a gym rat who is in love with the mirror. When I first started exercising a couple months ago, I was doing it in 3 hours a week. Now that I've split up some of the workouts, I might be up to four and a half hours a week and I don't expect to increase that. To me, that's not a gym rat. I won't be taking any roids and I don't expect to continue until I sound like a kid in a snowsuit because my thighs rub together.
Let's hear it ladies. And let's break it down according to age. If a guy is 25 and he post some photos showing that he's in good shape, is that a negative?
Now suppose that he's 54 like I am, where much of the competition are flabby guys with man boobs. If I were still looking, would it work to my advantage, to display the results of my efforts, if I gave a little blurb explaining just how much time I put into it.
I have been having hard time reading through this thread, I want to comment on close to every post! This one I couldn't pass by though... Not done reading the whole thread, so I may be repeating what others have already come up with. Apologies :)
Augh! My computer ate this, had to write it again...
When I see those pictures I see:
1. A man who is willing to put solid work into achieving his goals.
2. A man who is taking care of his body.
But I also possibly see:
3. A gym rat obsessed with appearances
4. A man trying to impress other guys
5. A guy with no clue what attracts women.
Which are negative.
Being as I have read a lot of Dale's stuff, I realize he's not #s 3-5. The question was if it was a random guy on the net, showing pictures, what would women think?
I was a deep tissue massage therapist for 10 years, I have had my hands on a LOT of people, there's a lot of data points behind my opinions here. I have had the gym rats on my table, and talked to them. Those bulky muscles are masses of scar tissue. When they quit exercising and the muscle loses tone, it all sags. The gym rats tend to be into their own appearance, and the appearance of their women. When the women age, and start to sag, they get tossed aside. When those men age and sag, it's not a good look. In general, that would be a red flag for me if I were a young girl looking for a guy and seeing a 20 something with muscled up pics on the net.
What IS a good look is a guy who does strength AND flexibility exercises. Those guys are strong, bendable, and the muscle is actually only muscle, not scar tissue. Their strength and tone will last their lifetime. My Tae Kwon Do teacher was only about 5 foot 8, and weighed maybe 160 pounds, and was one of the best bodies I have ever had on my table. He drove the big guys nuts. He could lift more than them, jump WAY higher than them (even though they were taller) and bend like a pretzel, as well as wipe the floor with them sparring. He will never sag, there is no scarring in him. The other best male bodies I have had did similar things: strength and flexibility exercises. The gym machines do no flexion, the movements are repetitive and build up scarring on the muscle fibers. Stretching REALLY well works out the damage, leaving only strong, healthy muscles.
It is possible I am not the target market, but bulky muscles look to me like a man is trying to impress or intimidate other guys. Aside from the .. not sure what to call them, what's the gym rat equivalent of tire biter? (I LOVE that word!) whatever they are, the groupie type of women who chase after body builders, aside from them, most women don't seem to find more than some muscles appealing. I have listened to a LOT of women talk, I have never heard one say "that man is so muscled, what a great catch!" I HAVE heard them say "that man is so sweet!" and "This is a man I'll be happy with the rest of my life!" but I have never heard muscles being an important thing to them. I have heard guys think it is to women, but not women who do.
What attracts women is a man who is kind, who puts effort into making her happy, by learning what SHE likes (not what "all women" like) and making it happen for her. I'm a permie type, a guy who stops by the grocery store and grabs a bouquet of flowers to bring me scores half credit. He tried, since he knows I like flowers. But stop by Lowes and grab me a bare root rose, now THAT impresses me. Because it means you KNOW what I like. One of the best gifts I ever got was a guy who worked with me, he took a lightweight hammer head and put it on a small diameter, longer than normal handle for me. He KNEW what I would find useful. He had seen me fight with getting both enough leverage and enough control at the same time to drive nails. He paid attention. What I want isn't what other women want, every one is different (all humans are different, this applies to if you are after a guy too!) A guy who pays attention and uses the information well is never going to lack for women.
There is a famous saying "Men give love to get sex, and women give sex to get love." It's pretty accurate, there was a study done years ago (I learned of it in college in the early 80's, so before then.) Would you accept a marriage where there was no sex, all the love, affection, caring, kids, etc everything else you want, but no sex, for the rest of your life? Over 90% of males said no. Around 85% of women said yes. That's a deep thought to consider. Are you offering her what she wants? Or what you want? or what you think a lady should want? I have heard women complain "He works all day, we have sex, he goes to sleep. He never talks to me, never listens." The guy thinks he's providing for her, and satisfying her in bed, that's enough. She doesn't think so. He isn't filling her needs, he's filling what he thinks she should want.
So my opinion on pictures like Dale's is I'd look a bit closer, see where a guy might be on the rest of it, because it shows both positive and possibly negative qualities.