E Cochran

Judith Browning wrote:

For most of my frustrations, my change of attitude and outlook made all of the difference.  It's too easy to blame the one closest to you for failures in lifestyle challenges....relax and give them room to breath and try to help them find out what they truly want in life.   A parent child relationship just won't work in a marriage.....

This new adventure should be fun, hard work maybe, but fun for both of you, exciting...if it's not I would question every part of it and maybe throw the whole idea up in the air and rearrange to suit you both.  

Congrats on marriage longevity.

I've given him room to breathe for 24 years and he hasn't figured it out yet. Why would he now? And I"ve thrown the option of not doing anything up in the air to him, selling the land, doing something else, doing anything at all ... thus the topic of this thread to begin with "The UNMOTIVATED spouse" ...

@Charli Wilson I hear ya. Glad to know I'm not alone ... not glad for our situation just glad to commiserate with someone else.

@Ferne Reid Hrmm ... problem is neither of us is that stereotypical. I'm an architect. I've been planning for months - drawing, designing, sketching, drawing, revising, discussing, planning, consulting, and drawing some more. I'm far from the person who just jumps in and sorts it out as I go ... but I fully recognize that all plans have hiccups and are sometimes more suggestions than written in stone and I'm able to adapt as needed. I used to be a perfectionist, type A, sleep when you die kind of person. All architects are. But I've learned and grown out of that. I've yet to meet anyone who can control me. I am still a perfectionist when it comes to things like making sure the foundation piers of our house are built correctly so our house doesn't collapse on us and constructing a fence so it doesn't have to be redone in less than a year. But I'm fine with a bowl of mac and cheese on the run for supper, wearing clothes a second time as long as they don't smell, and exploring different options for things.

My husband is a perfectionist in worrying that the gallon water jugs all have their handles facing the same direction when we put them in the cabinet, or how we wrap the chain to lock the gate, or where the car is parked in the driveway (ie how close to the grass it is) but would rather just throw something together and call it good when building something that needs to last just so he can get it done and not have to work anymore. He can't sacrifice a few hours of sleep for a week even knowing he could take a nap later in the day so that he can work in the cooler temps of the morning and get something done, because it's not how long he wants to sleep. But hasn't once taken into consideration that in 24 years of marriage I have gotten maybe a handful of full nights of sleep and still manage to get up and work my ass off.

Seriously, the more I talk about this the more I wonder why the hell I've stayed married to him for this long. All we do is argue. Every single thing is a challenge and I'm so sick of it. It's zapping my energy and my joy.

Ah, well that would explain it then. My husband insisted he got ones between those dates so I was puzzled. Guess he wasn't looking at the dates and just hadn't read some.

Judith Browning wrote:

I can't believe there isn't a treehouse thread on here already (or maybe I'm just dense and can't find it) ...

I'm not sure how helpful they would be for your situation but check out the 'similar threads' at the bottom of this thread's page. Looks like there are two or three about tree houses.  good luck!

I've looked through all of them ... and still there is no thread about building a treehouse. Lots of pictures of finished ones or "imagined" ones but no one discussing the how-tos and "here's what I did". We have straw bales and cob and earth bags and natural building ...

Anne Miller wrote:If the tree already has dead limbs then the tree is probably already dying.  You would risk having the whole house uprooted or portions of it collapse if a limb breaks off..

Well that's a thought but these trees are not dead or dying at all. They are cedar trees clumped together where the inside limbs don't get any sunlight any more. Have you ever walked into the middle of a clump of cedar trees? It is almost impenetrable for all the crossed limbs devoid of foliage. My son built a survival shelter in the branches of a clump of cedar trees for his boy scout survival night. They are dense enough that he was able to lash a few in various places together and make a bed that he slept in.