r ranson wrote:
paul wheaton wrote:
"The P key issue" is where there is some sort of bizarre, psychological block that gets triggered from time to time.
I've been feeling this for the last few weeks. It's not that I'm afraid to do the work, nor am I unsure what to do. I know exactly what to do. It's easy. The big work is already finished. I need to take the words on the bit of paper and put them into the computer and press save. Just why can't I get it done?
It's been over two weeks of sitting at the computer and not doing it. I'm not doing anything else, but after an hour of not doing what I need to do, I give myself 10 min of play, then go back to 'work' - which is basically sitting down and not doing what needs doing.
Amanda Launchbury-Rainey wrote:According to the maps I mentioned in my last post we are zone 9a and we can't move for cherries here. It is like walking on ball bearings in many places!
Dale Hodgins wrote:We've all seen well-written ads and we've all seen very poor ones. But I know that if for some reason, somebody just can't find anybody in the world who is suitable for them, the problem does not lie with the writers of these ads or with any of the other people they encounter whether online or in person.
A problem like that seems like it must come from within. Whether it's insecurities or unrealistic expectation, or apathy. I don't think we can blame other people for this.
In casting the wide net that I have, I think I've encountered dozens and maybe hundreds of women that I could be happy with. Really happy if it was one giant harem, but seriously, I really think I have encountered many. But that's because I'm open to being happy and I don't look to someone else to make me happy or to blame if I'm not. When two people who've got it together and are already reasonably happy, manage to find one another, then things are bound to improve for both of them.
That's actually one of the big criteria for me, when I'm searching. I have to ask myself would a permanent relationship with this woman make me happy, and would it be in her best interest? Would it greatly improve her life, to be with me? With these foreign sites, quite often the answer is yes, just because of economics, so I have to be very cautious in that regard.
During the short time when I was pouring through tons of messages, it became obvious that many of these women have encountered men of low character. Broken engagements, husbands who ran off as well as a few foreign men who have made big promises that they didn't deliver on. So, in some cases I've tried to keep it quite casual, as I said I was new to the site and just looking around. But really it was a process of elimination, and you don't want to necessarily let someone know that you were highly interested in them but now you've decided to eliminate them. This pretending to be a looky-loo, was somewhat deceptive, but I couldn't see any way around it. I really didn't like the idea of coming clean, telling a girl she's reached the top 10, so she's got a 90% chance of being eliminated. When it comes down to mathematics it really looks harsh. But every one of these women wants you to choose one and to not mess around with the others after you do that.
And it seems quite odd that we men have that ability, to choose one. Of course it has to be one of the ones that are interested in us, but the numbers give us that huge advantage.
The woman that I've settled on, if all goes well, has been worried from the very beginning that I will be lured away by another pretty face. It's really the only serious issue we've had so far. Her inability to accept that I can turn a blind eye to the millions of other pretty girls out there in internet land. She keeps comparing herself to others who's criteria for a husband comes close to matching who I am. And she wonders out loud, how it is that she made it to the top of my list. I've given her as many reasons as I can think of, but she still questions it, I think because she's been involved in those forms the women get on, where they talk about all of the issues they have with dating, and the fact that men find it very easy to replace any woman that gives them trouble. But I am not looking to replace her. She would have to give me an amazing amount of trouble, for me to start thinking that. I think it all comes down to insecurities, since she was abandoned after a three-year engagement. I told her that we need to get together in person, hopefully by Christmas time and then come to a decision. No 3 Year Engagement. She goes from being very happy about this, to extremely apprehensive. And she's not wondering whether she will like me, she seems to think that I will somehow discover some horrible fault, when we meet in person. I just hope she doesn't want to postpone it forever.
I just had an awful thought, what if she reads this stuff and decides that it was inappropriate material for discussion? I guess I would just explain that I'm very open about many things. But still I could catch shit for this. Time will tell.