Jain Anderson

The Knob
A woman in her late forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift. The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob," where a small knob is placed on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift. Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob."

Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful -- the woman remained young looking and vibrant. After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems.

"All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved results. But now I've developed two annoying problems:

First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them,"

The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts."

She said, "Well, I guess that explains the goatee."

Travis Johnson wrote:

Greg Martin wrote:I sold my vacuum cleaner.....it was just gathering dust.


(dedicated to everyone that has to clean before friends and family come over for Thanksgiving...back to cleaning for me now)

If dust can find its way INto my house, why can't it find its way OUT?!? (I want to know these things)

Dave Burton wrote:Having family over! This book title makes me laugh!
Family- The Ties That Bind... and Gag! by Erma Bombeck


(source: Amazon)

And another book by her: The Grass is Always Greener over the Septic Tank


(source: Amazon)

I might actually have to read these books....

Phyllis Diller's Housekeeping book has these beat all to Hades and back!

Greg Martin wrote:

Bob didn't realize that when he was looking for Miss Right that her first name was Always. . .

Dale Hodgins wrote:This isn't so much a joke as an observation, made by a friend of mine. One of her friends had bought a zucchini.

"If you have to buy a zucchini this time of year, you don't have enough friends."

The going joke in my area is to NEVER leave your car unlocked or the windows down in August or you will return to find a car full of zucchini!!!