Michael Bajema

I grew up as a conventional dairy farmer of about 100 head.  They had numbers, not names, but I knew them as individuals, and have bored many a person with my tales.

Should I tell you of my all-time favorite, 150, who for an entire year would come in as the 4th cow to be milked, while cow 240 always came in first.  After they were done being milked and the gates were opened, 150 would back up, wait for 240 to make it nearly out, and 150 would take a shortcut to jump in front of 240 to get out slightly earlier.  I don't know if they had a tiff, or if 150 just thought of it as a practical joke -- which she did twice a day -- or what it was about, but I found it funny.

Or should I tell you that 150 loved being scratched under the neck, more than other cows, and I was off at college, so hadn't tamed her granddaughter, until I caught her in a stall one day, scratched under her neck, and she stretched it out in a mimic of her grandmother, and became my pet from that day on.

Or 32, who I called the "President" of the herd.  The cows (aside from a few 'rebels') wouldn't leave the barnyard until 32 led the way.  Sometimes, 32 would follow me to the second gate of a field they'd been in for several days, stop and look at the next field of nicer grass, Moo several times, look at me, and THEN walk into the field.  She was usually 3 days ahead of my dad for deciding they should change fields.  32 was neither friendly nor scared...she treated me like her servant.  One time she wasn't at the front, so I called out "Calling cow 32, Cow 32 to the front of the barnyard, please!"  I was joking...but the cows in the loafing shed all moved aside, and 32 came walking through the middle of her entourage, and came and stood before me, as if "OK, I'm here, let's go!".  I SOOO wish I had a video to prove this!

Or 41, who tried to squeeze me to death against a wall when I was maybe 10 or 12.  Years later, she was in the same stantion, and somehow popped it open.  Other cows could open them -- 123 had a single horn she used.  21 stretched her long neck to avoid locking them.  But 41 just shock her head and popped it open at will.  Then she looked back as if "don't you want to come between me and the wall to try to lock me in?  DON'T YOU?!"  THEN she used her mouth to unlock all four. looked back again...and put her head down in a 'locked' position, but the top bar was 'unlocked'.  She looked back again.  She *really* wanted another chance to squeeze me to death!  I just laughed at her antics.

I know 150 could count to 4, so could 40.  Our milking parlor had 3 sides of 4, and 40 wanted -- I don't know why -- to be in the last set of 4.  40 didn't mind being milked -- if there were only 4 cows out there, she'd be the first one in.  But if there were 5, she would scoot around and avoid going in.  Then, when we opened up for the last cow, my dad would tell me to go get the last one in, assuming it was someone who didn't want to come in.  I'd tell him that it was #40, and she'd be right there.  Time after time he'd get exasperated at my disobedience, start to go get her himself...and she would saunter in.

41 wasn't the only cow who respectfully disliked me.  I had always found 93 ugly and ornery, and I think she thought the same of me.  Late in her life, she would come up to me, reaching out her neck and sniffing at me as if she was curious and wanted to be a friend.  I'd reach out to her, she'd sniff, then snort and shake her head wildly, stomping off.  I don't know if she was getting old and blind, and remembered when smelling me, or if she was pulling a joke on me.

Or 65.  Nicely built, but sorta plain.  Not as pretty as her half sister 60.  But 60 flamed out young.  Somewhere along the line, we realized that 65 was getting prettier as she got older, that she was producing more milk every year, and that she *never* got sick.  She also, was neither friendly nor scared -- she didn't care that I existed.  Before her, we'd had 2 cows barely reach 10 years old...65 was 12 when we sold the farm, and by this point she was producing in the top 5 of any of our cows ever.  The day we sold the farm, she got sick!  It was as if she didn't want to leave.  They buyers came for her a couple of weeks later, needing an older cow to help settle down the herd, but gave us 1/2 what they would have on the main day...dad was not happy.  I really wish I knew how long she'd lived!

Or dare I tell you about 245?  She was one of the prettiest ever, and I *might* have mentioned her a few times.  A female friend came to visit, and 245, who had never been friendly, came walking over from the far end of the barnyard to say Hi.  I introduced her to my friend, who turned to 245 and said "Oh, so *you're* my competition!"  

OK, are you bored, yet?!

My first draft leaned too far into my faith, and was removed (fair), I will try to re-write with less-religious focus

The best discussion I know on this topic was given by Dick Keyes -- 30 years on, and it still shapes my thinking.  I remember it being in 4 parts, I only see 2 here:  https://www.labriideaslibrary.org/search-1?q=forgiveness+keyes

I agree with several writers above, I just organize it in my way.  

Forgiveness is NOT:
* Ignoring -- acting like something didn't happen
* Tolerating -- putting up with something that bothers you
* Downplaying -- pretending the injury is minor
* Forgetting -- losing the memory of what happened
* Excusing -- "That's just him" or "We all do it"
* Keeping silent -- not telling the person that you were hurt
* Stewing -- holding on to the hurt, fostering it, rolling it around in your mind, dwelling on it
* Lashing out -- over-reacting to everything that person does
* Gossiping -- talking to others about the person, telling people over and over what they did to you
* Wishing harm on the other person
* Retaliation -- seems obvious, but worth stating!

Some of those (tolerating, excusing) might be valid responses to some small things, but that is not 'forgiveness'

Forgiveness Might or might NOT be:
* Elimination of consequence.  You might forgive someone, yet testify against them in trial OR you might forgive them, and not bring charges (if it's that type of thing) -- lots of nuance there.
* Restoration of relationship.  If someone is abusive (verbally, physically, sexually), it may be appropriate to remove yourself from that relationship WHILE still doing the work to forgive.  In lesser cases, forgiveness does mean reconnecting and restoring relationship

To Forgive something, you first have to recognize that a serious hurt exists.  ('Serious' will be different for each of us -- you might do one thing to two of us, and I barely notice it, while another is deeply hurt, and vice-versa).  Something that must be forgiven can be compared to:
* A Debt -- something that must be repaid
* A Crime -- something that must be punished
* An Injury -- something that must be healed

Why should we forgive?
* Specific religious reasons
* Because we all hurt each other.  For small-to-medium things…we've all done it.  Hopefully, you & I haven't caused anyone serious trauma, but are we that much better than the person who hurt us?
* Because holding onto an unpaid  debt causes you pain every time you look at the ledger
* Because unpaid debts grow with interest, untreated injuries fester, and unforgiven hurts can come to dominate your life
* Because holding on to that hurt may cause you to hurt _them_  to the point where maybe YOU become the bully!  Wouldn't that stink, to realize that they had to forgive you?!

What *is* forgiveness?
* Stopping collection on the Debt.
* Stopping punishment for the Crime
* Healing the emotional hurt

Reminder -- this is *personal* forgiveness.  A Bank or Company might still recollect their stolen property, the State might still jail, etc....but if I forgive someone, I must stop trying to collect/punish them for this act.

So, what do you *do*?
* Religions would have specific responses, including prayer
* Usually, bit-by-bit, you work to let go of the resentment, of holding on to the hurt.  For some people, and some cases, this will be a one time choice.  For others, it may take years.  But it *is* _work_.  You need to, actively choose, when negative thoughts arise, to NOT dwell on them, to Replace those negative thoughts about the person with positive ones.  To strive to restore and rebuild relationship (if appropriate).  It is also costly -- for a bank to forgive a debt, they have to take on that loss in their own books
* Move towards wanting the good for the other person, instead of wanting harm to come to them in some way

Does Forgiveness require repentance?  There would be debate over this.  But I lean on the side that having the other person feel guilty and say they are sorry makes it much *easier* to forgive, in part because, well, we have collected on the debt, and, there isn't much to forgive, anymore!  So I think we are still called to forgive, even the unrepentant.

So, what happens in you?
* You stop/decrease the frequency, intensity, and intentionality of thinking negative, angry, resentful thoughts about the other person.
* You start/increase the frequency, intensity, and intentionality of thinking positive, maybe even loving thoughts about the other person
* You move towards noticing the event in your life without feeling the hurt (this may take ages, and may take counseling)
* You heal from the hurt!

Now, if only I could practice this in my own life, all might be well.  :-)

mlb

We have a 1750-built house with thin, historic windows which we are not allowed to replace.  we bought window inserts from
https://www.windowinserts.com/?srsltid=AfmBOoq5RHOqBS3BhPIBnJa6Hy3JjJxjYhkugSiHsufJusi1BIX-KL03  (there are other companies, this is just the one we were referred to)
It's like the plastic film from Home Depot, but on metal frames with soft foam around the edges.  More expensive than the film, but looks better, is a whole lot less work and less frustrating, and they can be removed in summer, and put back up with ease.  Moderate cost, massive benefit!  An IR camera shows a dramatic difference, but it's more obvious if you remove one -- suddenly a wind of cold washes off the windows...put it back up, and it's very pleasant.  I highly recommend this approach.  

We do have one window which is so badly sealed that gusts push the inserts off...those have gone in and out so often that the foam is tearing, after several years.

mlb

Bryant RedHawk wrote:I've been using ammonia as a kick starter for N fixation (35 ml to 2 L H2O dilution) on some green bean plants and the nodules reacted well.

Dr RedHawk:  That's fascinating -- why do you think ammonia would kickstart N Fixation?  The general theory I've gotten from Permie/Organic people is that any soluble N will give the plant such an easy fix, that it will be less likely to invest in fixation.  I should be clear -- I'm not criticizing, I'm genuinely curious!

If you don't mind a second question...my soil is *very* sandy, and has VERY little Cobalt or Molybdenum, and I believe that's part of why N-fixers have not done well on my property.  I have struggled to find a source of Cobalt fertilizer, I do have a small amount of Molybdenum...but I am worried about it just getting washed through the sand.  Any thoughts or recommendations?  I am considering making some biochar, and including the Molybdenum in the solution I 'charge' it with -- I think it will not then wash away, but is it likely to be available to the N-fixing bacteria?

Thank you very much for the help you provide in these forums!  (I've got lots of nerdy questions I want to pester you with sometime!)

mlb

So, if you're in Wisconsin, and looking for non-grafted trees, you should look into Mark Sheppard's nursery.  Not the fruits you are looking for, but a good place to know about:  https://www.forestag.com/collections/fruiting-trees-and-shrubs?page=1

I really appreciate all of the discussion.  Carrot seeds are tiny, and can't be buried deep, and dry out easily...  I tried the board trick, and it worked better than nothing...but not very well.  My soil is 90% sand...finally I tried covering the seed with a thin layer of very fine compost/leaf mould and watering EVERY day...that has resulted in pretty good germination.  I still don't succeed well with lettuce...but maybe next year

Rachel Lindsay wrote:My gardening space this year is a long rectangle 35' x 15' literally running along the front of my house. (It will have to be fenced for deer, so a rectangle border it must be.) I have been daydreaming about keyhole beds for years, but now that I have this shape in this place I wonder if it is a good idea.  

The principle behind spacing is that most people can reach about 2' into the garden, so if you have 2-side access, and don't want to step on your growing soil, you want 4'-wide beds, at most.  Then you need 2' between beds to kneel or walk, maybe 3+' for wheelbarrowing in supplies.  I'm sorry if I'm repeating stuff you know.

The principles behind raised beds are:
   They warm up earlier in spring
   They drain off excess water better
   They are a little easier to reach down to

I list these, because the 'draining off excess water' is a Negative for my sandy soil -- sunken beds are better!  You do not need to bring in a lot of soil for raised beds -- if you dig the paths downward, you will gain some soil, and if you do a lasagna garden for the beds, you will also gain some lift -- dig down 6", and put down 1' deep lasagna, and it will start as 18" lift, and settle down to probably 8".

The idea of a keyhole is initially that it is more efficient use of space -- there is less space used for paths...as long as you ignore the significant space *outside* of the keyhole...  I have found that several of them are not more efficient.  Another reason people are drawn to them, of course, is they seem less rigid, and more 'natural'

May I suggest alternatives?  Wandering paths that weave left & right, near the borders.  Or you could mimic the veins of a leaf or a river, with one major river winding the length, and smaller 'tributaries' coming off as needed.  Either would feel less industrial than straight lines parallel to the house, but could be efficient, and give people a path to get to the door, but encourage them to at least pause and smell the roses.

Are you accelerating?  
$151,073
What's been Permie's largest kickstarter?

Over $130k!