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4.54byo turtle looking for a mate

 
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Hi, I am a very broad and very old snapper swimming in a very large ocean and a heavy burden on my back. I am the ancient grandmother of most of you who are looking here, and I am seeking a beloved mate who will help me and be a wonderful father to all of creation. He must be as broad as the sky above, as grand as heaven; he must be virtuous like a great cloud which gently rains life upon all beings, kindly, withdrawing his compassion from none; he must be bright and brilliant like the sun in the sky, radiating his kindness and compassion outward in every direction, providing energy and strength and warmth and light to all beings and waking the good people, my grandchildren, from their slumber, so that they might live beautifully and feed That Which Is Wondrous. He must guide and provide for the grandchildren eloquently and beautifully like the Stars Above, telling the seasons and the ways, and through his splendor the Infinite must be seen, the joyous expanse, the wondrous spacious extremities.

I am as beautiful and radiant as any being in the whole world-system of universes, yet my poor soul has come to hard times and haggard days. Yet I provide equally for all my children, my grandchildren, with generosity that knows no bounds. They are ungrateful and try to spurn my gifts or take more than I have given, which I have made sure is everything that they need. I have tried again and again to convince them otherwise. Maybe you could?

Nevertheless I enjoy living and love my grandchildren beyond words. Bless them and bless you all.
 
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