So I'm going to be a little bit mean here, and I hope that no one takes it the wrong way, but as a 24 year old women who might be the kind of person targeted by men using this thread for advice I feel that I have to add in some of my own input. That is, don't listen to Dale. I'm not making any aspersions on his character as I don't know him, and those that do say he's a good person. But while he had a few good things to say about dating, and most of them were quoted by others on the thread, the rest are better off left where they are. I don't know if this is a generational thing, or regional, but it was more than just the tone of his writing that was off putting.
To be fair, I don't know what he said in the last 2.5 pages of this thread, so I can't comment on that. But the reason I skipped his posts was because reading them was making me uncomfortable by proxy. As a message to any young men who are hoping to find advice on this thread, just, don't emulate him. Please, we see enough of this kind of attitude and we don't need any more of it.
If you're looking for a relationship and not just sex, the best piece of advice I can give you is to be their friend. Don't get put off by "friendzoning", look up the differences between how men and women treat their friendships so there aren't any misunderstandings, and make sure that whoever you're interested in knows that you're open to a relationship if they want that. DO NOT, make the mistake of trying to pressure them into something, or react negatively if they don't want that. If you like them well enough for a relationship, you want to stay friends with them even if they don't want to have sex with you. (Or you should.) That kind of acceptance is so incredibly attractive in the society we have today. Odds are, she'll try to set you up with someone else she knows, plus you get to keep the friend.
The main red flag I saw when reading this thread - mostly from some of the anecdotes people were sharing - and the only reason I was actually motivated enough to actually reply, is this:
Do not hit on people who are at work! Especially customer service. I don't care if they're gorgeous or if they flirt with you every time you come in, don't do it. You don't know this person, or how they behave when they're flirting, for all you know their behavior is just what they're like when they're being friendly. Maybe they're short of money that month and know that flirting gets them better tips, or their boss is a creep who wants that kind of customer service. And when you hit on them in that space, you're doing it from a position of power where they might not feel safe turning you down. They don't know how you'll react if they tell you they're uncomfortable. Making you angry could possible cost them a job. This makes me so angry when I see it because it's such a massive imbalance of power. Even if you do end up going out, getting married for twenty years, and have three kids, it doesn't change the fact that the relationship was built on a foundation where one person could have caused a great deal of harm to the other if they didn't get their way.
And even if you aren't that person to take advantage like that, we don't know that. Every man that hits on us while we're at work, who knows where we spend a great deal of our time, is a potential predator. This kind of behavior is inherently threatening, no matter how you present yourself.
That said, if you absolutely have to ask this person out, leave it open ended. Tell them about some event you're going to, something that tells them about you, and invite them there. Make sure it's permies, so she's not isolated with you, and can bring some friends if she feels unsafe. If she's interested, she'll show up and maybe ask for more details so she can find you. If she's not interested, she doesn't have to tell you flat out. To that end, don't ask for an answer about whether she'll go or not. Put yourself out there and wait for her to meet you in the middle.
Well, that's enough for my rant for now. I hope no one takes it badly, or thinks that I believe that what they're doing is wrong (except the hitting on people at work thing), since apparently it works for them. But that as a young woman, I don't find a lot of this behavior attractive, and neither does anyone I know. The best advice in this thread came from the actual women in it, so it'd be best to pay them the most attention if you're looking for help in this area. (Plus the guy who was talking about dancing. You can learn a lot about someone just from the way he leads in a dance, not just what he talks about.)
