Thank you John, it means a lot. I want to warn anyone up front, this might be long so I'm not going to proof read this much. That's not like me, but I'm becoming rapidly addicted to wearing these 1.5 magnifying glasses when I try to type with 1 big finger on these little digital phone keys.
I wanted to say I do get out every few days in the mountains. I previously wrote that I don't get out. I'm not that boring.
I don't know exactly why I'm on here, but I feel like I should be. I'm not bragging or looking for attention or sympathy. But I don't know exactly why I'm still here. So I've decided to just be an open book. Maybe it will give someone hope, or change their outlook on life.
At a little over 6'2, and an average of 280 most of my life, I always felt a little inferior to most. Most people are shorter than me, but it just made me not notice height. My kids didn't even break 5'5, even my brother's, so I actually felt like a clumsy freak. I was always quite and felt dumb In school, but I've always known how things worked. I felt behind in math because I would think and know the answer but never understood how to do the work until I was in my 30s. I realized it came from knowing how to read a tape measure of all things. I would picture it in my head and could see how fractions work out. I home schooled my kids their first few years and made sure they knew how to read a tape measure. I think people working in the trades are smarter the average when it comes to solving and fixing problems.
I never could work behind a desk though. I had one once in a propane company I put together. When I sat behind it I couldn't figure out how to make money. It's almost like a mental block. That desk was for hiring and firing. Instead I would go out on by street legal dirtbike or offroad work truck I built and find people building cabins in remote places that need propane service. It brought in so much work I had to hire and train more people to keep up.
I was plumbing a strangers cabin one night until around 2 in deep blowing snow so his daughter who suddenly showed up would have heat. I realized my buisnesses partners would never work this hard and I could sell and do something without partners. I did and started a trucking company hauling propane with 2 trucks through Texas, co, Utah, and nm. I worked to hard, and all I have to show for it is a couple acres in the mountains. Every thing I have is paid for.
After the trucking co.i could barely walk.
I lived on 4 acres in a 5 bedroom house I built with 2 springs. I got to spend most of my kids childhood there. I was 6'4 but had torn my disk and over 16 years my vertebrae had ground them down. I couldn't walk and built a good part of that house laying down or on crutches. I got my back fused and it stretched me back out from 6ft1 to 6'3 and that home was my therapy and recovery. Providing my own utilities and nice home was my therapy. I believe it is what keeps me going now. I built the chainsaws i used to mill the lumber from my land to go into my house. I also bought half the lumber, but it cut cost a lot. Ine used a lot of logs too. I spray foam insulated everything and put 4 inch batting over that. I'm still running power and putting up sheetrock, but just do a little everyday. I feel like I'm lazy, but the now have a decent and warm full powered home to live in. It's 32x40 with a loft and 2 feet underground with 10 ft walls and 9 ft on the inside. It wasn't here a year and a half ago. I have all the sheetrock and insulation to finish it now. Then I'll have to make log cabinets, counters, and furniture. Oh ya, and mill and plane a pine and juniper floors. So i still have a lot to do. I have not had time to have a garden, although I do have some potatoes in the ground and like to collect the wild leaks around me, or are they seeps. I don't know, I didn't know their name for years, lol. I found the. When I'd take a break riding, or hiking in the mountains and chew on them. They taste like a garlicky onion. Goes good with the steak and sausage i would have in my backpack to cook over a quick fire.
I've lived so far past my time that I realized recently I must be here for some reason. I am starting to think it is just to share love of everything. I've suffered a lot of pain. More than I could imagine, but the lord has helped me overcome it.I still have it, but the other day I hiked 5 miles through icy mud and snow at 9500 ft with my husky. So im still going strong enough. I'm building a nice place, but often wonder why. I could have traveled instead, but i need a place to tinker. All my vehicles are homemade, but they get me everywhere. They can winch logs out of the forest or go across the us. I would have nothing if I listened to everyone that told me you can't do that.but I can't take it with me wher I'm going. The only thing we can take and truly leave behind is the love and joy we have in this world. I have my grown children and parent,brothers ans sisters, but I wonder if there is supposed to be more to share with.
